today

[[Je...]]

Today I experienced bone crushing depression for the first couple hours of the day

I felt calmer but still depressed after my first Xanax dose.

sadly the day didn't get much better with some DP/DR and anxiety thrown in there for good measure.

I felt some interesting things like anger and frustration.  Emotions that have been gone for a while in me.

 

This last week I had some periods where my depression lifted suddenly and dramatically.  Sadly that didn't happen today, but perhaps later this evening I will have some periods of peace.

 

Take care all.

[[th...]]

Today I experienced bone crushing depression for the first couple hours of the day

I felt calmer but still depressed after my first Xanax dose.

sadly the day didn't get much better with some DP/DR and anxiety thrown in there for good measure.

I felt some interesting things like anger and frustration.  Emotions that have been gone for a while in me.

 

This last week I had some periods where my depression lifted suddenly and dramatically.  Sadly that didn't happen today, but perhaps later this evening I will have some periods of peace.

 

Take care all.

 

Sounds like tolerance wd. Maybe your body is getting used to the 2mg dose you have been on for a while now and needs more thus throwing you into wd. That happened to me several times before I knew anything about this poison and before I began my taper. It was brutal. Sorry 

 

Grinch

[[be...]]

Sorry, Jerry.

 

I think G has it on the mark, unless of course you have a pre diagnosis for it. Then that's different. Hope you feel better soon.  Bets

[[Je...]]

Sorry, Jerry.

 

I think G has it on the mark, unless of course you have a pre diagnose for it. Then that's different. Hope you feel better soon.  Bets

 

Updosing makes me feel more depressed and sedated.  I've had 4 previous episodes of depression.

Kinda makes you wonder...eh

[[be...]]

Today I experienced bone crushing depression for the first couple hours of the day

I felt calmer but still depressed after my first Xanax dose.

sadly the day didn't get much better with some DP/DR and anxiety thrown in there for good measure.

I felt some interesting things like anger and frustration.  Emotions that have been gone for a while in me.

 

This last week I had some periods where my depression lifted suddenly and dramatically.  Sadly that didn't happen today, but perhaps later this evening I will have some periods of peace.

 

Take care all.

 

I am sorry you are feeling so badly, especially after feeling good yesterday. I hope this evening brings you some "peace" as well.

[[Je...]]

I admit it could be the Xanax, no way for me to know for sure.

What is interesting is I have periods where it lifts completely for several hours.

 

In any case....I'm going to have to have some other pharmalogical intervention to get off of Xanax.

 

[[be...]]

I admit it could be the Xanax, no way for me to know for sure.

What is interesting is I have periods where it lifts completely for several hours.

 

In any case....I'm going to have to have some other pharmalogical intervention to get off of Xanax.

 

I am so glad that you at the least have periods where it lifts for a couple of hours.

[[bu...]]

Sorry, Jerry.

 

I think G has it on the mark, unless of course you have a pre diagnose for it. Then that's different. Hope you feel better soon.  Bets

 

Updosing makes me feel more depressed and sedated.  I've had 4 previous episodes of depression.

Kinda makes you wonder...eh

 

I've never really understood why you're taking Xanax.

 

Benzo's are NOT antidepressants.  Benzo's are depressants, downers  It seems perfectly natural that dosing/udosing with Xanax will aggrevate your depression.

 

They are tranquilizers most commonly prescribed for relief from  anxiety and and to address sleep problems.

[[Je...]]

 

I've never really understood why you're taking Xanax.

 

Benzo's are NOT antidepressants.  Benzo's are depressants, downers  It seems perfectly natural that dosing/udosing with Xanax will aggrevate your depression.

 

They are tranquilizers most commonly prescribed for relief from  anxiety and and to address sleep problems.

 

I have anxiety as well.

[[be...]]

Sorry, Jerry.

 

I think G has it on the mark, unless of course you have a pre diagnose for it. Then that's different. Hope you feel better soon.  Bets

 

Updosing makes me feel more depressed and sedated.  I've had 4 previous episodes of depression.

Kinda makes you wonder...eh

 

I am making the assumption that your 4 other episodes of depression were before you took benzos. Am I right? Since depressive drugs can likely make you feel even more depressed, then the best thing you can do is keep to your taper, tough it out; I know it will be very hard on you; and finally be rid of this drug that is causing you depression. Just my 2 cents. Hugs, Bets

[[Je...]]

 

Sorry, Jerry.

 

I think G has it on the mark, unless of course you have a pre diagnose for it. Then that's different. Hope you feel better soon.  Bets

 

Updosing makes me feel more depressed and sedated.  I've had 4 previous episodes of depression.

Kinda makes you wonder...eh

 

I am making the assumption that your 4 other episodes of depression were before you took benzos. Am I right? Since depressive drugs can likely make you feel even more depressed, then the best thing you can do is keep to your taper, tough it out; I know it will be very hard on you; and finally be rid of this drug that is causing you depression. Just my 2 cents. Hugs, Bets

 

No, I took Benzos several other times associated with my depressions.  I think if I try to taper it will

be pointless because I will be suicidal.  I don't see how to do it.

[[th...]]

 

Sorry, Jerry.

 

I think G has it on the mark, unless of course you have a pre diagnose for it. Then that's different. Hope you feel better soon.  Bets

 

Updosing makes me feel more depressed and sedated.  I've had 4 previous episodes of depression.

Kinda makes you wonder...eh

 

I am making the assumption that your 4 other episodes of depression were before you took benzos. Am I right? Since depressive drugs can likely make you feel even more depressed, then the best thing you can do is keep to your taper, tough it out; I know it will be very hard on you; and finally be rid of this drug that is causing you depression. Just my 2 cents. Hugs, Bets

 

No, I took Benzos several other times associated with my depressions.  I think if I try to taper it will

be pointless because I will be suicidal.  I don't see how to do it.

 

So have you decided to stay on it again and updose to get stable?

 

Grinch

[[Je...]]

 

Sorry, Jerry.

 

I think G has it on the mark, unless of course you have a pre diagnose for it. Then that's different. Hope you feel better soon.  Bets

 

Updosing makes me feel more depressed and sedated.  I've had 4 previous episodes of depression.

Kinda makes you wonder...eh

 

I am making the assumption that your 4 other episodes of depression were before you took benzos. Am I right? Since depressive drugs can likely make you feel even more depressed, then the best thing you can do is keep to your taper, tough it out; I know it will be very hard on you; and finally be rid of this drug that is causing you depression. Just my 2 cents. Hugs, Bets

 

No, I took Benzos several other times associated with my depressions.  I think if I try to taper it will

be pointless because I will be suicidal.  I don't see how to do it.

 

So have you decided to stay on it again and updose to get stable?

 

Grinch

 

To be honest, I don't know what to do.  I have a TMS consult scheduled for January and I might try

Transcrainial Magnetic Stimulation.    Watching you has scared the crap out of me.  I already can't function as well as you are.

[[be...]]

Hi:

 

You seem to be in a rock and a hard place. I know it sounds scary; it does to me. But maybe that consult will get you on the right track. Anyway, I hope something positive will happen soon. Sorry I didn't return you most latest PM. My system is blocked, so I can receive, but not respond. I can always respond to them on the forum. Take care, Jerry

[[th...]]

 

Sorry, Jerry.

 

I think G has it on the mark, unless of course you have a pre diagnose for it. Then that's different. Hope you feel better soon.  Bets

 

Updosing makes me feel more depressed and sedated.  I've had 4 previous episodes of depression.

Kinda makes you wonder...eh

 

I am making the assumption that your 4 other episodes of depression were before you took benzos. Am I right? Since depressive drugs can likely make you feel even more depressed, then the best thing you can do is keep to your taper, tough it out; I know it will be very hard on you; and finally be rid of this drug that is causing you depression. Just my 2 cents. Hugs, Bets

 

No, I took Benzos several other times associated with my depressions.  I think if I try to taper it will

be pointless because I will be suicidal.  I don't see how to do it.

 

So have you decided to stay on it again and updose to get stable?

 

Grinch

 

To be honest, I don't know what to do.  I have a TMS consult scheduled for January and I might try

Transcrainial Magnetic Stimulation.    Watching you has scared the crap out of me.  I already can't function as well as you are.

 

It might be scary and very hard but wellness is on the other side of hell at times. Especially with benzos. I am not any different than others trying to get off this crap and on with their lives. Lots of people have it bad, but also many have healed and moved on. No longer even on the board, just poof, on with living life to the fullest. I don't think that's possible unless I rid my body of the destruction Xanax has done. So I am willing to be completely incapacitated if it means there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I look it as I gave up a yr of my life instead of 10 yrs staying on it.

 

Grinch

[[Je...]]

Clearly I am dependent on 2mg of Xanax.      I don't know that this dependency is enough to cause all the depression I've experienced

 

My brother has been on 5mg for 20 years...he's doing better than I am.

 

If I can get my depression to lessen, than I can work on lowering Xanax.

 

I also may submit to being on an atypical AP if that is what it takes to be non suicidal.

 

If TMS works, I may be able to lower Xanax.....

 

One day at a time.

[[th...]]

Clearly I am dependent on 2mg of Xanax.      I don't know that this dependency is enough to cause all the depression I've experienced

 

My brother has been on 5mg for 20 years...he's doing better than I am.

 

If I can get my depression to lessen, than I can work on lowering Xanax.

 

I also may submit to being on an atypical AP if that is what it takes to be non suicidal.

 

If TMS works, I may be able to lower Xanax.....

 

One day at a time.

 

It sounds like a good plan.

 

Grinch