looking for information about what is happening to me

[Guest [mo...]]

Greetings and Happy Holidays! I am a struggling mama of an 8 year old and feeling desperate about feeling hijacked from my life by benzo use.  I had a major spinal surgery in 2013 and ended up dependent on opiates.  I used suboxone to taper off opiates and found myself 2 weeks post last taper med unable to sleep and full of raging anxiety, fear, and suicidal thoughts.  My M.D. and Naturopath recommended 4 mg of Ativan a night to sleep(March 2014). It worked great and I was feeling better in addition to an intense amino acid regimen.  I immediately dropped down to 3 mg and found I could still sleep well but for some reason the anxiety started intensifying in the last couple of months.  The voice in my head told me that it's time to get this benzo monkey off my back and I was told than benzo withdrawal was a piece of cake compared to opiate withdrawal.  Then I started reading the forums and realized this would be no easier.  I really thought I could deal with the PAWS of opiate use with benzos and slowly withdraw.  I found Dr. Ashton's website and asked my doc to allow me to do the Ativan switch to Diazepam withdrawal protocol so I started one week ago.  I experience tremors, anxiety, weakness, and suicidal thoughts a good part of the day. Yesterday I woke at 3 am with my heart pounding looking for info and support and found this site.  It has been helpful to hear that I am not alone in this struggle.  Thank you for considering me as part of this forum.

[[Ch...]]

Hi mountainyogi and welcome.

 

Reading over your intro, I have a feeling you may be having some issues with the immediate crossover from Ativan to Diazepam (Valium).  It takes a couple of weeks for Diazepam to build up in your tissues, in the meantime you may not be having enough to cover the 3mg of Ativan.  Crossovers are usually done over several weeks' time.

 

However, there are a number of members here who can help with that because they've done it.  Here's a link to the Valium/Diazepam Support Group who are very knowledgeable about crossing to Valium. If I were you I'd probably check in with them first. 

 

Please include your benzodiazepine information in your posts so other members are updated on your information and can better respond..  To make that easier by adding it to each post automatically, you can go up to Profile, choose Forum Profile, write the information in the text box and click Change Profile.

 

Take care,

Challis 

[[Do...]]

Hello and welcome.

First I have to say it's pretty strange that a Naturopath recommends Ativan, isn't he supposed to recommend you herbal kind of stuff?

 

All the symptoms you named are supposedly all from benzo use or w/d.

 

Follow the Ashton's manual and see how it goes. if the symptoms subside then keep doing the good work.

 

We are here for you.

 

Fill us in.

[Guest [mo...]]

Thank you for your reply, I am still trying to figure out how to use this site.  Anyway, the naturopath is in a holistic practice with an M.D. so she was trying to help with my post acute withdrawal syndrome(that I had to educate her about) from jumping off the suboxone Feb 2014. I was suicidal, full of anxiety, shaking, no appetite, no energy, insomnia, etc.  The M.D. in the practice put me on 4 mg of Ativan once a day at bedtime and I started sleeping again. I was told that benzo withdrawal was nothing compared to opiate withdrawal so no worries "let's just get you sleeping again".  It felt like too much and I was anxious to get off pharmies anyway due to my history with opiate use after my spinal surgery(june 2013) so I immediately dropped down to 3 mg.  I was down to taking 2.5 mg of Ativan until about 2 weeks ago when I realized that I was in withdrawal everyday around 3pm.  I started researching and found Ashton and asked my Naturopath if we could try this protocol.  I realize, unfortunately, that these women(the M.D. and the Naturopath) know nothing about withdrawal and more importantly the post acute withdrawal that happens once you jump off the meds completely(I was in hell post suboxone) so they acquiesced to my request.  I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts about a rapid withdrawal as discussed on this page:https://riordanclinic.org/2014/03/supplements-accelerate-benzodiazepine-withdrawal-a-case-report-and-biochemical-rationale/

The only reason I am considering this is because these pills frighten me and I feel paranoid like I am being programmed by them.  One pharmie led me to the other with great financial cost to my pocket and quality time for my child.  I spend most of my time obsessing about how his life might be better without me.  I cannot interact with friends family or community.  I have difficulty seeing anything positive in the future and no ability to manifest.

I am using Julia Ross's protocols for amino acid therapy and do daily coffee enemas for the brain fog which helps at times.

I was unaware of liquid valium for the smaller fractions as I reduce and what are vapors?  I am also curious if there is a post acute withdrawal syndrome after jumping off completely?  Do you sleep normally again?  2 weeks post suboxone I stopped sleeping which is how I got on benzos to begin with, so this has become a concern. I apologize if this post is all over the place but as anyone going through this knows, it becomes difficult to have clarity of thought and articulate which is why I avoid people and conversation.

[[Ch...]]

How can I help you with navigation on the forum? 

 

If you click the Valium/Diazepam link I gave you in my first post, it will take you to that section of the board.  This is your Introductions thread and many people don't check in here much.  So you'll reach many more people by posting on the main boards.

 

Be sure to let us know at the Helpdesk if there's any way we can help you find your way around.  Or feel free to send a PM to anyone on the team.

 

[Guest [mo...]]

so how do i start a thread on the diazepam board that was recommended?

[[be...]]

Once you are at the board you want to post, you will see a blue rectangle that says "new topic" in the upper right hand corner. Jus t click on that and you can start your first thread! 

[[be...]]

Greetings and Happy Holidays! I am a struggling mama of an 8 year old and feeling desperate about feeling hijacked from my life by benzo use.  I had a major spinal surgery in 2013 and ended up dependent on opiates.  I used suboxone to taper off opiates and found myself 2 weeks post last taper med unable to sleep and full of raging anxiety, fear, and suicidal thoughts.  My M.D. and Naturopath recommended 4 mg of Ativan a night to sleep(March 2014). It worked great and I was feeling better in addition to an intense amino acid regimen.  I immediately dropped down to 3 mg and found I could still sleep well but for some reason the anxiety started intensifying in the last couple of months.  The voice in my head told me that it's time to get this benzo monkey off my back and I was told than benzo withdrawal was a piece of cake compared to opiate withdrawal.  Then I started reading the forums and realized this would be no easier.  I really thought I could deal with the PAWS of opiate use with benzos and slowly withdraw.  I found Dr. Ashton's website and asked my doc to allow me to do the Ativan switch to Diazepam withdrawal protocol so I started one week ago.  I experience tremors, anxiety, weakness, and suicidal thoughts a good part of the day. Yesterday I woke at 3 am with my heart pounding looking for info and support and found this site.  It has been helpful to hear that I am not alone in this struggle.  Thank you for considering me as part of this forum.

 

 

mountainyogi,

 

I, too, withdrew from Ativan. So I know firsthand what you are experiencing, including having days filled with suicidal thoughts. Your recent cut to 3mg from 4 mg may be causing these thoughts. In my opinion a slow taper can reduce the chance of thoughts like these. I would consider a slower taper.

 

It is very important to know that these thoughts are caused by the chemical changes that are abounding in your brain right now and they are not the real healthy you thinking.

 

You must  understand that our reach is small, being an internet support, and therefore we do urge members who feel they may be at risk of self harm to immediately speak to their doctor or go to the ER and to get  face to face help. 

 

Please do take care of yourself and make sure that you put yourself under the care of a professional immediately if you feel that you may act upon any of your feelings.  Your welfare is our real concern and we want you to be safe.

 

you will find numbers here "Suicide and Self-harm" page, is a useful resource:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/resources/suicide-self-harm/

 

Take Care,

 

Benzos-R-cruel