I need help

[[sn...]]

Hi I'm _____, I've read posts on this site for a while now to see how people are coping with the same nightmare I'm presuming I'm in. I am a 25 year old male I'm not proud of my story but I suppose I'll tell it anyways. Let me start by saying I am poor, I haven't had health insurance since well forever I guess. From 18-21 I was a bit wild, drinking drugs.. The worst being heroin I guess, which I am completely clean off now. Anyways when I had just turned 22 a close friend of mine of a long time offered me 2cc-nbome its a research chemical with little testing. I didn't know that at the time so I did it with him because I trusted him. Anyways this "trip" landed me in the hospital with a peak heat rate of 196 that rested at  over 160 for about 16 hours and finally slowed down and I felt ok when they released me. Later the night I got home I experienced the first "panic attack" of my life that left me with a fear I was dying that still affects me to this day. This started me on several ER visits thinking I was having a heart attack or something. All the er doctors said it was anxiety but never did anything. This intense fear ended life as I knew it. I met a girl that found me interesting somehow even though I barely left home.. She was a med student and she told me about benzodiazepenes. Then she gave me some and for the first time in months I felt relief. Not 100 percent but human again. She supplied me with the drug for a while until we seperated. I didn't abuse it I started by taking two .5mg klonopin a day, once when I got up, once when I went to sleep. Things were manageable so I figured my problem was/is anxiety. I knew it was wrong to take this drug without a script but I was a young man losing his mind and no one would help me. Over the last three years I've self medicated and "made it by" buying klonopin on the street.. Never taking a lot but over 3 years I increased my dose to 2 mg a day and that's what its been for the last year with the exception of about 3 months, this time last year I attempted suicide that put me back in the hospital, they wouldn't release me without rehab so I ended up going to a facility for 9 days. After the accident I stopped cold turkey but the strange thing was, throughout my time in the hospital/rehab I had no withdrawal. I was unconscious in the hospital for a few days and when I woke up I thought it was 2009( it was 2013). I don't know what happened but I had no withdrawal I thought this experience had somehow fixed me its like I woke up and felt good and all I wanted to do was go home and live my life to the fullest, unfortunately or possibly fortunately I went to rehab in handcuffs. No withdrawal the whole time I was there. Then about a week and a half after I got home sure enough it hits me like a train. How? I thought to myself. I'd been clean for three months. But I spun into a terrible physical and mental withdrawal. It hurt so bad. I held out for as long as I could but eventually caved and started taking 2mg of klonopin a day again. It was fine at first life was liveable again but that soon faded. I think I have reached my tolerance and may be out of sources for the drug. I can't afford it anymore and I have no idea how to go about quitting. I've tried therapy and any other no income strategy I could think of. Nothing helps. Please give me guidance.

[[be...]]

 

 

Hi snowmine Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

It sounds like you have reached tolerance. You will want to get off carefully because of the chance of kindling. This is where each subsequent withdrawal can be much worse than the previous withdrawal. Because of kindling it is not recommended to start and stop benzodiazepines again and again. I suffered horribly from kindling with my third and final cold turkey withdrawal. The smart thing to do is to taper slowly. The recommended reduction rate is 5 to 10 percent every two weeks.

 

You might like to check out The Ashton Manual it is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field. 

 

Please feel free to post to any of the dedicated boards, we have a wonderful community of people here, who will give sound advice. Members have been through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal and are more than willing to share their experiences.

 

General Taper Plans

 

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again Welcome! 

 

benzos-R-cruel

 

[[sn...]]

Not much is known about 2cc nbome, the drug that started this nightmare. Even though this seems like a typical withdrawal how can I need sure it isn't if I can't afford to be checked out? Also I know I need to taper but what if I can't get a reliable supply to do so with seeing as how I've never gotten it from a doctor dealers have come up short and I've had to CT for several days at a time won't that affect the taper? Its very overwhelming for me.. I have no quality of life I just want to give up every day. But thank you so much for the support, no one around me understands when I try to tell them, I have no support group.

[[be...]]

You have support here. You may want to post on another board. Not many read the introduction section. It is really meant as a starting point for our new members.

[[fl...]]

Lots of people just like you here. You will get good advice. I had been down the party road as well. I never had any problems until I took corticosteroids that the doc gave me and then I was introduced to klonopin. It is a death drug no doubt.

 

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