Holding for one month...waves and windows

[[my...]]

As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, I planned to hold for a month when we had planned a trip to celebrate my husband's birthday. Well, it has been mixed....here we are in Paradise but sometimes when there is a disconnect between the external beauty (Hawaii..Big Island) and the internal anxiety, depression or the physical sxs of w/d....it almost makes one more discouraged...I had hoped that by holding I would be symptom free by now, over three weeks after my last cut.  But no...a couple of hard days...then several lovely ones..then more than 24 hours of tough physical symptoms, shortness of breath, tightness in chest, then unusual anxiety and depression, possibly because we are here and I am still experiencing pain.  Makes me wonder if this process makes sense.  Also wonder if my taper of 25% over two months was not only too fast for me (not for everyone, but for me) but did some damage....I plan to discuss with my shrink/dr when I get home.  Husband thinks I should continue until off completely but worried about long term wellness.  I felt FINE this past summer before beginning taper...then with tolerance w/d in the fall I began taper.....now suffering on and off for over three months and have so far to go!! Any thoughts about post taper healing?  I'm a 66 year old woman in otherwise great health thank goodness, with desire to travel, enjoy my granddaughters, friends and family , husband and life in general.  Anxious and uncertain about this undertaking and whether it is worth it.

[[al...]]

I held many times during my w/d, once for 4 months! Just to get a breather as my taper was particularly difficult and long. Although I never experienced a symptom free existence during a hold, I was able to take a break from the severity of the symptoms as they usually lessened while on a hold.

 

 

I will tell you that people in general do not complain about going too slow, they complain about going too fast. Give yourself permission to follow your instinct and go at the pace you need to go at. This is your taper and no one else's, you are the boss.

 

I am glad you had some windows! That surely is a great sign 

 

  Happy Holidays! Alabama.xoxo

 

 

[[my...]]

You know, I remember reading about your 4 month hold...at least I think it was you....one person wrote about holding for 4 months, then continuing to slowly taper, up dosing when needed or maybe that was an up dose then the hold...I am forgetting the details but it was a post that gave me hope and encouragement to go at my own pace.  Thank you!

[[al...]]

Yes, my taper was not like most people's on here. I held many times and did a few updoses. Many people on here as well as the Ashton Manual do  not look favorably upon this method.  However this is the way that my doctor who has been w/ding  people off of benzos for over 20 years, advised me to do it based on how I was responding and my symptoms.  I am very glad I did it that way. That was the strategy that worked for me.  I remember at one point he handed me a prescription that had no medication prescribed on it, just the instructions to take my time, be gentle to myself and follow my instinct.  It was so lovely. And I kept it on my fridge my entire taper just to remind myself that this was my path and no one else's.

 

Some have not had luck with updoses or holds. It really is such an unique process for us all. We just have to find what works for us and on occasion sometimes reevaluate it, to see if it needs some tweaking.

 

You will get there! I promise! I tapered 3 medications for 2.5 + years. Talk about patience! lol! But you will see, you have more strength in you than you ever thought possible. And you well be better off in the long run,  for knowing you have that strength in you.

 

 

[[jo...]]

alabamawerle Here we are its Christmas Eve and Im on BB. Not really into holidays anymore however at the moment Im having a big problem tapering. The clonazepam is making My depression worse every day. So between the WD symptoms and the depression its getting unbearable. MD says thier is nothing She can do .  I hear most people that take an AD find it innefective while tapering down. Some say it makes their anxiety worse.  A medical journal I read also said that AD effects are negated by benzos.

 

I just dont know what to do , My depression symptoms are getting worse each day and their is no way Im gonna make it though this tapering process. Doc suggested I try st johns wort ! anything that would take the edge of the depression and that wired nervous feeling that also gets worse every day. I cant even read a book or magazine now Im too wired , not able to drive either. I fear Im will end up totally dissabled and end up stuck in bed. Hard to believe I was only on 0.25mg for 6 weeks and have been slowly tapering since then. Im down to almost 0.125mg and Im going through hell.

[[al...]]

alabamawerle Here we are its Christmas Eve and Im on BB. Not really into holidays anymore however at the moment Im having a big problem tapering. The clonazepam is making My depression worse every day. So between the WD symptoms and the depression its getting unbearable. MD says thier is nothing She can do .  I hear most people that take an AD find it innefective while tapering down. Some say it makes their anxiety worse.  A medical journal I read also said that AD effects are negated by benzos.

 

I just dont know what to do , My depression symptoms are getting worse each day and their is no way Im gonna make it though this tapering process. Doc suggested I try st johns wort ! anything that would take the edge of the depression and that wired nervous feeling that also gets worse every day. I cant even read a book or magazine now Im too wired , not able to drive either. I fear Im will end up totally dissabled and end up stuck in bed. Hard to believe I was only on 0.25mg for 6 weeks and have been slowly tapering since then. Im down to almost 0.125mg and Im going through hell.

 

I was the same. Benzos sedated me to such a degree that the kept me permanently depressed until I got down to the lower doses. And then my depression lifted. It was purely a chemical depression. I tried an AD is w/d and it made things worse for me. But things were getting quite desperate.

 

One thing I found useful was to take a tramadol every once in awhile. I had them prescribed for pain, but they have antidepressant properties and are often used off label and an antidepressant.They topped up my serotonin and helped me through the worse of it. However they are just as addictive as benzos and a/d's and opiates...so I never took them on a regular schedule. I used them as I needed them for pain and depression. 

 

You would really need to discuss the pros and cons of it's use with your doctor as well as be informed yourself and monitored by your doctor. I never let my doctor give me more than I needed for occasional use just to be certain I never became accidentally dependent like I did with benzos.

 

Hang in there! You will make it..............I promise.

[[my...]]

Alabamawerle,

Yes it WAS you!  Sounds like our docs went to the same school... . Thank you for sharing your experience and encouragement.

Mana 

[[jo...]]

alabamawerle I wonder if its the messed GABA receptors in tapering that are causing the depressive feelings or if it the serotonin being lowered by the drug !  I took my dose at 10pm last night by 2am I started to feel symptoms of irritability anxiety although not as bad as the night before.  I mixed 500 mgs of tryptophan with hot milk and little honey. That relaxes Me and takes the edge off the anxiety and gave a few hours of sleep although I have bph and have to get up to urinate frequently, I am 61.

 

This morning when I got up My head feels like its in vice and the crushing depression is there to greet me every morning plus the irritability. My entire body feels like lead !  I was hoping that that if the tryptophan would raise My serotonin level a bit and possible offer me some releif from the depression however to no avail. It does help with the very early morning anxiety however not that continuos feeling of and over sensitized nervous system.  I guess the withdrawal is what is making that worse every day.

 

I thought that the lower dose I get too the less the WD symptoms would be however that does not seem to be the case with Me. Im at a loss and suffering badly. Wish I knew for sure, Im one of those people who is mentally helped when I know what is actually going on.

 

badsocreft if Your out there I would like to hear Your opinion also.

[[al...]]

Hang in there.  I used to say that I felt like I was walking through thick jello with bricks permanently on my eyelids! I like the lead analogy....it certainly did feel like lead.

 

Honestly the depression went away one day, just like that. It was very bizarre. And it has not returned. You are still at 2/3rds of a tablet. You may need to be all the way off before it the depression goes away.

 

It will I promise. xo