Repeat Question...sorry..

[[Je...]]

I'm feeling pretty dramatic and profound depression in the mornings and in between Morning Xanax doses.

 

Am I endogenously depressed or is it the Xanax?  Xanax actually relieves it to some extent.

 

I don't know if I'm treating a depression and it's resulting anxiety with Xanax..

 

Yes I've had Depression in the past a few times..

[[Ki...]]

Ivw wondered a lot throughout this taper, what is real anxiety/depression and what is being caused by withdrawal. I was not anxious or depressed naturally when I started ativan 6 years ago. I started it because I had a bad case of Lyme Disease that was making me anxious, and then I just stayed on it for sleep, and then I got breast cancer. Soooo, I really dont know who I am at this point. But I figure I will never find out until I quit ativan and my brain heals, as much as it can given all the trauma Ive been through. So I dont think youll know if your depression is real until you quit and heal.

[[sn...]]

Interdose withdrawals......

[[Je...]]

Interdose withdrawals......

 

I've been depressed before, this feels the same, worse in the AM better in the PM. 

 

[[sn...]]

Your probably having interdose withdrawals since you don't take Xanax in the middle of the night.  Then, you take it during the day and by night your body has more Xanax in it.  Also, cortisol is probably playing a factor in it.  All I know is I dose Ativan every 4 hours and have interdose withdrawals.  These short acting drugs are awful and so are are the longer ones.

 

If you taper slowly it's your best bet.  Have you tried a daily taper?  You can gauge your taper by your symptoms.  I'm having a horrific time but I couldn't dry cut or I was even worse.  I would think about a daily taper, get a scale and manage your taper that way if you feel that it's better for you.

 

Best of luck!

[[Fl...]]

My anxiety and/or depression is always worst in the am but maybe it just feels that way because of having to face another day...

Since tapering, it sometimes lasts 24/7.  My sleep has been very weird the last week.  How is your sleep, Jerry?  And your appetite?  I feel nauseated almost all the time and have to make myself eat.  Are you able to force yourself to do any exercise?  I can usually make myself do some but spend the rest of the day on the bed unless I absolutely have to go somewhere.  What do you do when you get up in the morning?  Do you have a routine?

Is your wife working or does she stay home with you?  Sorry for all the questions.  I really feel for you and definitely empathize.  I'm praying we can all get well enough to enjoy life.

[[je...]]

I suffered from depression many times pre benzos, but on benzos my depression became terrible. It made me seriously depressed, maybe the xanax is causing the depression. Over time these pills turn on you.

[[Je...]]

I am able to force myself out of the house and do things that I don't want to do.  I may be miserable, but I try to force myself.  For example, yesterday we had a big family get together and I went.  It sucked...I was miserably anxious, stressed, irritable.  But I faked that I was fine.

 

My appetite is OK, I usually eat twice a day.  I sleep from 11PM to 4 or 5 AM usually.  I have the early morning awakening thing going on.

 

It's dark, cold and wet in Oregon this time of year so I spend quite a bit of time on the stationary bike,

both at home and gym near where my wife works.

 

I feel like shit when I wake up, No need to minimize it.  When I wake up, I curl up in a fetal position and dread another day.

 

Luckily wife still works and carries insurance, plus we are financially able to retire right now (I already had to).

 

Today I scheduled a consultation to explore TMS, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation for depression and anxiety.  It is covered by insurance and I'm going to get the treatments if deemed a candidate.

 

I believe My depression is endogenous and that until treated, I will fail withdrawing from Xanax.

 

I don't mind answering the ???s. thanks for asking.

j

My anxiety and/or depression is always worst in the am but maybe it just feels that way because of having to face another day...

Since tapering, it sometimes lasts 24/7.  My sleep has been very weird the last week.  How is your sleep, Jerry?  And your appetite?  I feel nauseated almost all the time and have to make myself eat.  Are you able to force yourself to do any exercise?  I can usually make myself do some but spend the rest of the day on the bed unless I absolutely have to go somewhere.  What do you do when you get up in the morning?  Do you have a routine?

Is your wife working or does she stay home with you?  Sorry for all the questions.  I really feel for you and definitely empathize.  I'm praying we can all get well enough to enjoy life.

[[Fl...]]

It sounds like you are able to do some things, anyway but if you're like me, you really have to force yourself to do anything.

I really hope the TMS will help you.  I think my depression/anxiety is genetic also.  I know when I went for the treatments, there were quite a few people who seemed to be helped.  I didn't really notice anything but everyone is different.  I wouldn't have tried it if it wasn't covered because it is very expensive.  As you say, you have nothing to lose by trying it.  We are always trying to find something to give us hope of getting better.

I'm glad you are able to eat.  That is one of my worst problems other than the total lack of interest and feeling overwhelmed.  I don't think the withdrawal is helping either.  Do you feel worse now than you did when you were taking more benzo or did it help you to function better?  It's very interesting about your twin brother.  FWIW, I have a twin sister who has been on benzos for 30 years and is also on some other meds.  She lives in BC and I don't see her much.  She is ok but certainly not great.  She had a breakdown all those years ago and hasn't worked since and was also on lithium for most of the time.  She says she was diagnosed as bipolar.  There is a lot of mental stuff on both sides of my family and I think I got all of it.  I worked for 34 years and my last job was just too much for me.  I have always been very responsible and stayed there much longer than I should have - always putting everyone else first.

What do you do to fill your time while your wife is at work?  I spend almost all day on my IPad.  The winters are very long here but at least no yard work.  Would you go to Florida for a few months up you could?  My husband goes every winter and I finally managed to fly there by myself last winter.  He is planning to leave on the 27th and he drives.  It takes four days.  I would love to be able to do it but 12-hour days and sleeping in a hotel when I feel so crappy - I don't know.  Do you travel at all?