I hate being alone!

[[ha...]]

God, why is it so hard? I just can't sat and being alone , anybody els going through this alone?

[[An...]]

I'm pretty much going it alone as well.

[[Be...]]

Me too.nm bf left me and I have to live with my mum and she's pretty well living her live and my friends all think I have gone insane

[[...]]

Hi there!! I think we pretty much had the same idea for a such a thread as I posted the same issue:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=123334.0

 

Please come and share there as well!!! It seems a lot of us find benzo experiences make for a very lonely life  :'( :'(

 

All the best xxx

 

 

[[wo...]]

You are not alone.  Just read your post, and wanted you to know there are thousands of us here for you.

 

ty

[[hu...]]

living with parents, but alone in dealing with this and going mental from the isolation.

[[...]]

You are not alone.  Just read your post, and wanted you to know there are thousands of us here for you.

 

ty

 

Thank you Ty, it's nice to get a friendly tap on the back here 

[[Tr...]]

Yes, incredible loneliness.  I've lost my husband because of this!  My children, who are older are far more distant emotionally because they can't understand what is going on with me. And, my parents are elderly and just don't get ANY of it. 

 

It's a very lonely existence.

 

We have to ban together, and become family to one another.

 

You ARE not  alone!!

 

TRY

[[...]]

Goodness, the emotional distance is possibly the most painful. People don't understand so either they withdraw because they're scared of doing/saying something wrong or because they simply can't take it... which I think is understandable... very sadly  :'(

 

I know I've also tried to keep my suffering from the ones I love as to prevent them from suffering for me, which would be useless. But it means that I've created the gap between myself and those I love. I suppose they've also withdrawn too and are happier to think that I'm better than what I really am, just to reassure them. To convince them... and convince myself...??

 

I live alone so the "truth" can be hidden. But it's such a terrible burden...

 

And right now, I'm going through even lonelier times as my Grandfather is far from well and I feel like my Mum is pushing me away and prioritising her partner's company as I'm sent off to look after my cat... (long story very short - and I do love my cat with all my heart but it's my Grandfather...  :'().

Loneliness is not only from meds but also in the "real reality"!... sorry... I just feel awful today  :'(

Needless to say that during times like those, no one cares about the fact that I'm trying to get off K... which I understand... but I'm just hurting inside and from everywhere... sorry  :'( :'( :'(

[[be...]]

Yes, I can relate. I went through this big time in early withdrawal. It was so horrible I would get up everyday, 7 days a week, get in my car and drive 15 miles across town to spend the entire day at a friend's house. She has a family so there was always something to keep me distracted. I would stay until about 5:30 drive the 15 miles across town. I would do ok once back at my house. I then repeated everyday. Sometimes there was no one at my friend's house for a few hours during the day because they are had lives. I would do ok alone there but not at my house. Those days are long behind me, and now I actually enjoy being alone.

[[...]]

Waw... and I can relate to your story, kind Moderator!!  :smitten:

 

It's like, being around people who have lives actually feed us some kind of life of our own (if that makes sense - I've taken my K so my brain will be getting its hit...) ... but then it becomes like an addiction (this behaviour I mean, the K we all know  :laugh:/ :'(/ ) ...

Doing things. taking part in activities for the wrong reasons - basically being surrounded and not at home, alone.

The change in environment is something which transformed my life back in 2010... I was real, I felt real, I felt myself... but was it real? I mean, how sustainable is that momentum we get from change or another source of energy??

 

Man I sound crazy right now lol  :sick: ...!!

[[Te...]]

I tried staying with my friend going thru her w/d...she wanted someone there, but also didn't...it became quite a confusing issue for me...i called it "hold me-don't touch me"...i'm no longer staying there, but I think she needed it at the time. The 3:30am "come over!" Panic calls have subsided. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'm actually having anxiety over NOT being called as much...

[[hu...]]

I wish there was someone I could call over/or just call on the phone for help, the way my life is going, if I call my dad for help who is in the next bedroom, he would shout at me for breaking his sleep and ask me to wait till morning.

 

The reverse is familiar to me Texasstar, I've had desperate nights where I wished I could call someone to distract and not feel alone.

 

[[...]]

I tried staying with my friend going thru her w/d...she wanted someone there, but also didn't...it became quite a confusing issue for me...i called it "hold me-don't touch me"...i'm no longer staying there, but I think she needed it at the time. The 3:30am "come over!" Panic calls have subsided. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'm actually having anxiety over NOT being called as much...

 

I also wish there were someone I could rely on to look over me. You are a true friend to her.

I suppose I would behave in a hold me-don't touch me kind of way too, and right now I don't think she's voluntarily pushing you away at all, it is just her wd journey...

But if you are worried, you should check on her - you know her best, email, text, phone... agree on having a little chat face to face, casually... put your mind at rest. As you know she might reject the whole thing, ignore you, be in a bubble - and that would be wd I'm very sure - give her time to come back to you. A very gentle reminder of the Friend she has in you...

...that's what I would want.

 

You're doing great. All the best to you and your friend!! xx

 

[[Be...]]

I can also relate to all of this....

 

I've lost all my friends in wd, just can't talk to them and they can't talk to me.

It's all sad really sad....

 

 

GG 

[[Te...]]

I tried staying with my friend going thru her w/d...she wanted someone there, but also didn't...it became quite a confusing issue for me...i called it "hold me-don't touch me"...i'm no longer staying there, but I think she needed it at the time. The 3:30am "come over!" Panic calls have subsided. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'm actually having anxiety over NOT being called as much...

 

I also wish there were someone I could rely on to look over me. You are a true friend to her.

I suppose I would behave in a hold me-don't touch me kind of way too, and right now I don't think she's voluntarily pushing you away at all, it is just her wd journey...

But if you are worried, you should check on her - you know her best, email, text, phone... agree on having a little chat face to face, casually... put your mind at rest. As you know she might reject the whole thing, ignore you, be in a bubble - and that would be wd I'm very sure - give her time to come back to you. A very gentle reminder of the Friend she has in you...

...that's what I would want.

 

You're doing great. All the best to you and your friend!! xx

 

Thanks Hurt and Julz,

  She returned my rake and house plant gift to the RV park office yesterday, and sent me a text saying "Out of the picture. Totally" . I think she may have found someone else to help her( possibly an abusive ex, but 'it's been 20 years, he could have changed'...guess i'll go back to reading the daily obits and see if I turn up. I did text her to let her know I got the "it's over" loud and clear, but I would still be there if she needed me. No reply. If ex is indeed involved, I AM done...too much drama and potential there.  Gave it my best, but I gotta keep going on my own journey. Just that the timing kinda really sucks. And, I have been thrown out before, but she didn't have to get it together to drive cross town to deliver the message. Don't know, DO care, so maybe I'll just go to walmart and let the crowds freak me out to get a little perspective.  will keep you posted, somewhere...mike

[[...]]

Thanks Hurt and Julz,

  She returned my rake and house plant gift to the RV park office yesterday, and sent me a text saying "Out of the picture. Totally" . I think she may have found someone else to help her( possibly an abusive ex, but 'it's been 20 years, he could have changed'...guess i'll go back to reading the daily obits and see if I turn up. I did text her to let her know I got the "it's over" loud and clear, but I would still be there if she needed me. No reply. If ex is indeed involved, I AM done...too much drama and potential there.  Gave it my best, but I gotta keep going on my own journey. Just that the timing kinda really sucks. And, I have been thrown out before, but she didn't have to get it together to drive cross town to deliver the message. Don't know, DO care, so maybe I'll just go to walmart and let the crowds freak me out to get a little perspective.  will keep you posted, somewhere...mike

 

Hi Mike,

 

I am so sorry to hear about all this... it's not easy 

You've done all you could but then you also need to take care of yourself.

I hope you do get a clearer answer or something you can work with to help you move on with your life - if this is what she wants... we can't help someone who doesn't want our help, can we? It sounds like you've really gone the extra mile... and the one after that!... you can be proud of having done it all for her... now you might have to do something for yourself?

I hope it all gets sorted in the best way possible. And keep us posted if you want to talk about things :-)

 

All the best xxx

[[it...]]

Hurtbrain me to! I feel your pain bro. 12 months off.

[[hu...]]

Thanks for understanding itsmylife, hope you start to feel better soon.

[[Be...]]

Feel your pain too hurt. ...alone with the parents too, who don't really understand

[[hu...]]

Yes GG, similar thing here, my mom doesn't understand, father doesn't care.

Hoping today is a better day.

[[Iw...]]

Goodness, the emotional distance is possibly the most painful. People don't understand so either they withdraw because they're scared of doing/saying something wrong or because they simply can't take it... which I think is understandable... very sadly  :'(

 

I know I've also tried to keep my suffering from the ones I love as to prevent them from suffering for me, which would be useless. But it means that I've created the gap between myself and those I love. I suppose they've also withdrawn too and are happier to think that I'm better than what I really am, just to reassure them. To convince them... and convince myself...??

 

I live alone so the "truth" can be hidden. But it's such a terrible burden...

 

And right now, I'm going through even lonelier times as my Grandfather is far from well and I feel like my Mum is pushing me away and prioritising her partner's company as I'm sent off to look after my cat... (long story very short - and I do love my cat with all my heart but it's my Grandfather...  :'().

Loneliness is not only from meds but also in the "real reality"!... sorry... I just feel awful today  :'(

Needless to say that during times like those, no one cares about the fact that I'm trying to get off K... which I understand... but I'm just hurting inside and from everywhere... sorry  :'( :'( :'(

 

You put it so well. This is how I feel. This is such a lonely existance. People don't understand, don't want to or think it's not that bad. With cancer (I've had)  or many diseases people are different, they at least give validation.and there are an abundance  of supportvgroups. I have my husband whom I've kept a lot of my suffering from. I also know from what I have shared he doesn't get it, how could he?  I wouldnt want him to go through this which is the only way for anyone to truely understand, but I don't want him worried about me either  I have his acceptance, his belief in me and that i take with gratitude and appreciation. It still is lonely. Sorry about your grandfather Julz

Hugs to all and wishing all calm happy holidays.

[[Te...]]

It's really hard to watch and KNOW that there is nothing you can do to ease the discomfort and pain...on another thread, a woman described the feeling of the non-benzoed partner as "frozen". That is a very apt term. Helpless meets hopeless.

[[Iw...]]

I tried staying with my friend going thru her w/d...she wanted someone there, but also didn't...it became quite a confusing issue for me...i called it "hold me-don't touch me"...i'm no longer staying there, but I think she needed it at the time. The 3:30am "come over!" Panic calls have subsided. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'm actually having anxiety over NOT being called as much...

 

Wow, what a great friend you are! She is very lucky to have you as a friend 

 

Just saw post about your friend giving you the boot. Sorry Texasstar. I hope everything works out for you. You sound like a very good friend

 

[[Te...]]

Thanks iwant,

  Yeah, gonna leave a BIG bruise, that one is. Mostly, what I get out of this is knowing that I have the capacity to care, again, when for so long the booze and ambien took that from me and those close to me...and that's a GOOD thing to get back. Thanks for being there.  mike