Listless in Los Angeles

[[No...]]

Hi, there.

 

I'm here because I've had a hell of a time with Ativan. I was on it for about thirteen years, starting as needed for panic attacks, eventually going to three mg/day prescribed, during which time I became woefully dependent on the stuff,  and that turned into an out of control addiction wherein, by the end,  I was taking twenty or more 1mg pills/day. It was rough. I was fortunate enough to get financial aid to go to an in-patient detox/rehab facility for thirty days to get off the stuff and I've been benzo free for fifteen months and change.

 

Since I've been clean, I've only had one, maybe two panic attacks, which is unheard of. If you'd told me five years ago that the only thing that would rid me of panic would be eliminating my panic medication, I'd have scoffed up a lung. (I just made that up. Does it work?) That's the good news. The crumby bit is that over a year out, I'm still not feeling myself, physically, and I'm not sure if I will ever feel good again. I'm lethargic, I'm in pain, I have headaches (yeah, I know, those are pain), my enthusiasm for life is flatlining, I can't be bothered to make myself look decent, I don't even like the things I KNOW I like...it's kind of depression but a more specific type? It's hard to explain. It really sucks, though. I want to like life and feel good, and I hoped that quitting benzos would help with that. I'm getting impatient. URGH.

 

 

 

[[me...]]

Hello NostreDumas.  Welcome to the forum, we're glad you found us!  Congratulations on getting off Ativan. For a long-term user, it's not unusual to still have symptoms at over a year off, and it can take some of us two years or more to fully heal.  Here are a few links you may find useful:

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support.

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field.  She describes and explains withdrawal symptoms, and there is also a section with withdrawal/taper schedules.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

 

 

[[Ly...]]

MAG calm - magnesium calm - research it - it helped my panic attacks so much . Twice a day I used to take it in warm water - the raspberry lemon kind - helped reset my nervous system .

 

[[ba...]]

Hi NostreDumas, nice name 

 

I quit a low dose of Xanax 3 months ago i still get mild withdrawal waves occasionally  i know theyre induced by me having excess sugar or smoking causes mine  i had a really bad wave around 2 hours ago i woke up used toilet i steped outside to smoke and it hit me realy hard a withdrawal wave , so i huried to my treadmill and used it when i was barely dressed haha.. After i quit xanax it was very tough on me the first 2 weeks i searched online here and other places online what i can do for withdrwals nearly every place said the same thing that light exercise is the key  during my first 2 weeks after quitting when i felt horrible i walked on treadmill 5 minutes i had to walk with myeyes closed since i felt so bad after the walk i felt alot of releif that lasted hours i activated alot in other ways thruout the day i washed dishes by hand that took an hour , pushed lawnmower outside 2 hours once a week,  i cooked often cleaned house & my cars um then i would always try to find something to do to occupy myself i feel depressed if im not doing anything all these negative thoughts come to mind and past memories of my better days that i dont live anymore . You seem quite intelligent Nostrodumas, i had to google the definition of "lethargic" I used to  live "lethargically " when i was taking xanax i realized if i want my life back again i have to work hard for it . have you had any blood work done latley ? you may be defiscient in a vitamin if  you feel fatigued .

 

it was realy nice to meet you take care

katie

[[ba...]]

hi again Nostredumas,

 

i forgot to mention what else helps calm me i drink chammille tea sometimes here it can be found in nearly ever supermarket or walmart in the same area where coffee and iced tea bags are on the shelf for $1- $2 for a box of 20 tea bags i put the tea bag into a coffee cup full of water i microwave it 1 minute 45 sec it boils a few seconds at the end i let my tea bag sit in the coffeecup quite awhile 15-20minutes  to make it strong so its very affective sometimes i feel ok and i just have my tea cup on hand to have ready in case if i hit a bad withdrawal wave or i get some lose chamomlle stems  that come in a clear plastic baggy and i chew on a small piece of stem i didnt eat the stems i only swalled the saliva i made when chewing that worked very fast i do that in emergencies if you have any spiritual faith this can help if you carry something holy close to you in your pocket i have a rosary next to my pillow since i worry most before bedtime since i've had a history of seizures when asleep it happpens 1-3 tiems a year its very frightening i saw that you said you didnt bother to make yourself look decent i really dont judge anyone in a bad way but its very noticeable someone's hygene & cleanliness i usd to be lazy and go to the supermarket early in the morning with messy hair and clothes to get a few donuts . around a month ago i went to the store dressed well i noticed something that suprised me alot more people were friendly to me there & talked to me i figured out that not many people wanted to talk to me looking messy . you dont need to have designer clothing to look great just shower daily (that relaxes me too) brush your hair and wear some clean clothing with your shirt tucked in Nostridumas . its good to also have a usefull hobby i think all of us has a special talent im talented in art , fixing old stuff that dont work (i recently fixed the carburator on a john deere riding mower that wasnt running 3 years working again ) i also have  a great cook & hairdresser talents when i see what i can accomplish with my talents i feel good about myself my self esteem is much better.  you really dont want to try taking any kinds of anti depresant meds some of them have some nasty side affects and very difficult to quit I go to the local MHMR once a month every county in america has one just google MHMR and your county name to get a phone number and address you can go there just to talk to a psychiatrist and some therapists thats what i do since i dnt want to take the celexa they give me there

 

You should start writting a blog on here its a good way to reach out to people ,  i met some nice friends on here this way its nice to socialize with people it helps me  i saw from talking to some people here other people's health is much much worse than mine and it shows that ill be alright

 

sorry about the long letters i wrote to you i just wanted to show you your life will get better dont give up hope , 

Katie

[[No...]]

Thank you so much for your replies! Wow, I didn't expect anyone to even read my intro, let alone respond so promptly. It is so comforting to know I am not alone in this. Nothing has made me question myself more than being on and off this drug. So, as loathe as I am to exercise, I know I must. &&$&$!&$@@@!!! It's so hard to motivate when I feel so tired and unenthused. I wish you a,k were here so we could drag each other off the floor.  I'm alone most of the time, so that's a real drag. I can be pretty annoying. lol does cleaning the house count as exercise? You are right, though, Katie, keeping the brain occupied is crucial. The pit of despair is not a far drop. I have made about a thousand Christmas tree ornaments over the last couple weeks, so that has helped, but I'm growing super bored with that, and I'm doing the thing wherein I start denigrating everything I've done, like..."Oh, look, you're a grown woman doing a kindergarten project, you should be more successful, you had a career, you ruined it, you damn drug addict. Good job. Loser." YES I AM IN THERAPY. I'm working on it. Ugh. I'm a mess, but you all are awesome, is what I'm trying to say. Now I back slowly away from the iPad. 

[[tr...]]

Im so glad for you that you are free of the benzo!!. I was wondering if at any point you felt better or have you been in this state of not feeling well the entire time?