i want a pill

[Guest [su...]]

omg i'm so bad today and my husband wants me to go to the hospital.. i actually am thinking of taking something anything to get through this crap.. :'( :'( just give me a pill..

 

did anyone ever feel like they were right out of reality and depression at the same time..

[[Mi...]]

I feel emotionally disconnected from everything and am incredibly depressed. Can't sleep at all unless I take something like Benadryl or Unisom. I hate what this has done to my life.

[[An...]]

I know; been there, literally lying in bed, soaking the sheets with sweat, wishing that I had a pill.  But also knowing that if I succumbed and went out to the pharmacy to get some, I wouldn't be doing myself any favours.

 

It sucks that I can't help you; it truly does.  I can only give you my sympathy and moral support, little support it is.  Well, just know that, right now, as you read this, someone, somewhere in the world feels your pain as well, because the person has felt it before.

[[Fi...]]

Feeling bad for you, pal, but currently doing so bad myself I haven't been able to PM as much long encouragement as I did before.  I really haven't had this derealisation people talk of but I've been in the pit depressed as hell.  Several times I had the Xanax right there thinking, seriously?  People expect me to endure this?  Isn't taking just one pill better than taking that walk in the woods you wrote about?  But in the end I never took it because I just KNEW that it would set me back and I wanted to be to 100% well as soon as possible.  Actually, one time, when I was just ten days off the Xanax, I did take a rescue dose.  Thing is, it rescued me so thoroughly it really showed me that all my bad feelings were about withdrawal to this pill I'd become addicted to without realizing it, so I never went that route again.

 

I often thought I was somebody who should be showing up at the psych ward, but I always feared I'd have to argue them out of shooting me  up with a benzo, so I didn't go.

 

Came home from seeing my cold, unsympathetic doctor yesterday feeling like taking a Xanax, but just had my daily glass of wine early instead.  Tell your husband he's not the only guy trying to keep a good woman on track today! :'(

[Guest [su...]]

it is really hard to do..every bit of life i have left to fight this urge today.. hubby decided not to drag me off to the hospital i knind of talked him out of it thank god because i may have taken something. i still want to though because i just want to feel normal for one day..

[[be...]]

it is really hard to do..every bit of life i have left to fight this urge today.. hubby decided not to drag me off to the hospital i knind of talked him out of it thank god because i may have taken something. i still want to though because i just want to feel normal for one day..

 

"may have taken something".....did you take something sussie?

[Guest [su...]]

BRC ..i didn't have a pill, but i wish i could get some relief for one day..

[[Fi...]]

Sussie--I think it's the nature of the beast that when we're in the middle of a wave, it seems we've always been in it and will never get out of it.  That seems to be how you're feeling, but weren't you getting at least some relief a few days ago when you managed to get to the store to buy gifts for your grandkids?  Hang in there--you'll have good days again.

[[be...]]

BRC ..i didn't have a pill, but i wish i could get some relief for one day..

 

I wish I had a magic pill for you sweetie, if even for a moment of relief. I know what it is like. I went through a horrific withdrawal myself a year ago. I am sorry you are feeling so badly. How long were you on benzodiazepines, what kind, and when did you stop?

[Guest [su...]]

BRC i was on ativan for 6 weeks and at .5 or less daily.. but in may i took progesterone for 30 days and c/t off them and i don't know if that made a difference.. i c/t the ativan dec 31 /13 almost one year now...

[Guest [su...]]

Sussie--I think it's the nature of the beast that when we're in the middle of a wave, it seems we've always been in it and will never get out of it.  That seems to be how you're feeling, but weren't you getting at least some relief a few days ago when you managed to get to the store to buy gifts for your grandkids?  Hang in there--you'll have good days again.

 

FJ63 i had a DR app that day and on my way home i stopped for a few gifts but was still in bad wave... but had to bite the bullet...

[[ma...]]

You can do this Sussie I know its horrendous at the moment but it will change.  This is temporary and you will see an end to it eventually.  I wish there were another way but there isn't! "Only way out is through".  Keep going, we are all here for you.  One day you will be glad you did this!

 

It will get better given a bit more time.  Well done for biting the bullet.

 

Magrita

[Guest [su...]]

magrita ...thank you for the encouragment again.. you are indeed a special person. i have to tell you all something actually funny...never thought i'd say this word again "funny"...

 

i in no way find any of the pain and suffering we go through coming off these meds funny... but today i was reading a post about a person's outing when they thought they were having a good day and ended up not as good as they thought and i could see myself in their position at the time and for the first time in almost 12 months i laughed soooooooo hard from the deep i nearly cried..... boy did it feel good.. so as much as we're hurting right now we will probably get a few chuckles over some of it when we heal.. i know i will .. but it's really sad.... and i in no way would laugh at anyones pain, don't get me wrong...  :smitten:

i don't know what i would do without this forum...

[[Fi...]]

NO, I'm sure nobody gets you wrong.  That belly laugh was a good sign of healing!  Hang in there.

[Guest [su...]]

FJ63 i hope it was a good sign of healing... it felt so good and so real but it din't last long... maybe again soon..

[[ma...]]

magrita ...thank you for the encouragment again.. you are indeed a special person. i have to tell you all something actually funny...never thought i'd say this word again "funny"...

 

i in no way find any of the pain and suffering we go through coming off these meds funny... but today i was reading a post about a person's outing when they thought they were having a good day and ended up not as good as they thought and i could see myself in their position at the time and for the first time in almost 12 months i laughed soooooooo hard from the deep i nearly cried..... boy did it feel good.. so as much as we're hurting right now we will probably get a few chuckles over some of it when we heal.. i know i will .. but it's really sad.... and i in no way would laugh at anyones pain, don't get me wrong...  :smitten:

i don't know what i would do without this forum...

 

 

Sussie, I told you that happened to me, and when it did both myself and hubby started crying...with joy.  It had been a long long time since my husband heard me laugh...a proper laugh! not a fake smile that hurts after a while...a real genuine belly laugh.  It was awesome, it was that moment  I knew I would recover!!

 

Love ya girl

 

Magrita

[Guest [su...]]

thanks magrita..

 

but back in the deep this morning..ugh!! wanting that pill again.. this morning is weird i feel just weird it's hard to explain but it's not normal..anyway another day at it.. i hope i get to laugh again today..

[[Mi...]]

Two addiction docs I have spoken with recommend gabapentin to help with post acute withdrawal. I know people here have had good and bad experiences with it. I am seeing a doc on Friday to discuss this. Maybe it will help with sleep. Some say it can help the receptors open up?

 

I am so desperate for rest. I would be healing if I could just sleep. I bet my emotions would come back as well.

[Guest [su...]]

misty ...i've been sleeping pretty good night with the exception of a night or two wit 4-5 hrs the rest are 6-7 so it should soon buck up and kick in...