I went overboard...

[[ca...]]

Ok so i was feeling well enough to attend several dinners for the holidays and i may have overdone it.  Now once again unable to sleep, have heart palps and paranoid thoughts.  Im paranoid that the three extra strength tylenols i took for my period cramps are causing my withdrawal symptoms but i took them many many hours ago.  I know this probably isnt the cause but my mind wants to convince me never to take a tylenol ever again.  My mind also replays a moment when a friend said she wants to kill her ex becus of all the pain he caused her.  Im sure she meant it figuratively and not literally but my mind is trying to convince me otherwise.  I just want to cry.  Withdrawal likes to tease and make my world seem like it is pleasant and then take it and plunge it into darkness.  Its such a rollercoaster i don't want to be on .  I cry for me and everyone suffering on this board and i am reminded how much we suffer each time i get to enjoy some reprieve.

[[ma...]]

Castillo don't freak out about those thoughts. I have them too and they are very hard to overcome.  Each time I go into a wave I try to figure out what caused it and my brain says to stay away from everything I think that was the culprit.  Then I get to feeling better and go right back to being able to eat or drink things that I was sure caused the wave.  It sucks when all you eat and drink is water and chicken becuase you think that a potato or a glass of 1/2 sweet tea caused a wave.  I also know the thoughts about feeling others thoughts.  My emotions and feelings are so strong on the negative side right now that whenever someone says they want to kick someone's @ss or they hate this or that, it scares the piss out of me because I think I can't control my emotions.  My ex had me convinced I was going to kill her and my kids because she wanted a divorce.  I don't have any desire to hurt anyone yet alone her or my kids.  Yes I can't stand her and what she did but I don't want to hurt anyone especially my kids.  It is just our brains don't know what to do with these thoughts right now.  I don't think this is uncommon at all.

[[ca...]]

Wow that's terrible.  I hope ur situation has died down!  I still can't wrap my head around how quick a storm can come in and blow up all the dust again.  With no forecast ahead of time and in the moment i have to recollect all the tools that i've used before to fight the symptoms.  I've read posts of people who are very encouraging and state they are doing better only to come back next day saying they feel like utter poop.  I always wondered when my day would come and here i am!!!  I hope it just means we are closer to the end.

[[ca...]]

I wish i can say my symptoms died down but they are still evidently here.  I haven't slept and lying here in a pool of sweat is not what I call fun . I have this faint but gnawing feeling that everything will go to shits and my muscles feel weak and are vibrating.  Sorry i know these feelings will go but i feel so much better venting.  Thank you for reading.

 

Ps.  I took half a teaspoon of inositol last night.  I think it may have kept me up and exacerbated my symptoms.