Can't stand this!

[[Co...]]

Just thought I'd let everyone vent here with me.

 

Anyway, I'm still in my ct type wave (over 3 weeks now) and it is making me feel so sick and depressed. I literally feel mal nourished from not eating. I'm really weak, shaky, confused, burning cold skin, tinnitus, dr, couch bound, house bound, INSOMNIA, I sleep during the day. It just really fuckin sucks!!! I can't believe being this sick at 14.5 months out, I just can't comprehend it. I have never felt this bad even after I jumped. My brain is scrambled like I can't grasp anything. I'm scared to do anything! There are so many things I need to get done and just can't do them. I need to fix both of my daughters cars and my car. I also missed Thanksgiving cause of this and probably gonna miss Christmas too. I can't stand to hear voices right now or noise period! Plus all the different smells of food and candles will have me gagging and in a worse wave. Life sucks!!! Just had to get this off my chest thanks for listening.

[[Ja...]]

Cool, I hear you, it's devastating to do well then fall apart, I'm right there with you, went from considering a success story to considering suicide. Jesus. All I can say is that it will turn around for you, it did before.

[[Co...]]

Yup success to suicide is a good way to say it. Thanks jack it's just really hard right now.

[[sa...]]

Success to suicide. That's the story of my life after benzos.

[[go...]]

Right there with you Cool. The weight loss is getting old. You will make it. Have you tried drinking Ensure or Boost? That is my next step. I hope you feel better soon 

 

Kat

[[Co...]]

I'm eating off and on but not enough I guess. The weight loss slowed down and had the added benefit of curing my fatty liver lol! So I guess there has been some benefit to it. I have a hard time with protein shakes of any kind. Actually weight loss is the least of my worries right now. I feel like I've been fighting off a seizure for more than 12 hours now!

[[Mi...]]

Totally agree... This does fucking suck!! There's nothing else to say about it!!! Over it!!!!!!

[[Co...]]

Damn! Been 4 weeks of this torture now. I can barely stand another second of this shit! Aahhhhh!

[[Lo...]]

oh man cool that sucks but i completely understand what you are going through. my to do list is getting longer and longer. i decided to put everything in life on the back burner. if people can't understand what I'm going through i don't know what to tell them. this shit sucks. nothing compares to this experience and i have had a lot of bad things happen in life. i would rather go through those things again than this shitty mess. anyway hang in there and don't feel bad for not getting stuff done. you can only push yourself so much. just take it easy man. think about the awesome window you will soon have.  thats what i try to tell myself. lol

[[Co...]]

Thanks LF, I really trying. I hope u get well soon too we don't deserve this. I'd rather have 10 more back surgeries than ho through this another second!

[[Lo...]]

i have simplified my life (in order to deal) to the point where all i need to do is focus on eating and taking a shower. i even reduced all my bills. so i don't have to worry about payments and such.  if i can push myself on other days I'm defiantly doing that. right now i just can't do to much. this will change for us damn it. I'm not sure what people think of me but at the same time i can't put to much energy into it. i know I'm not like this usually. i can defend myself later on in life. lol  we just need to breath and not think to much. easier said than done right now. lol

[[Co...]]

Yup I've tried really hard to simplify my life too. It can't get much simpler than it is. I'm on disability, my wife practically does everything around here for the last 4 weeks anyway. I go to sleep around 9 am and get up at 3 pm. Not all of thst is sleep of course. I make my way to the couch down stairs, if I don't almost pass out first,  turn on the TV and wonder what I should try to eat for dinner lol. I was never this bad ever in withdrawal. I've had it pretty rough and the occasional week where I was laid up but damn I'm do effed up right now it's scary! If I had to work right now I'd be out of a job. If I didn't have my wife I'd be homeless or living with my mom. I need to fix 3 cars and I cant. Both of my daughters cars and mine. When it rains it pours.

[[Du...]]

I'm right there with you.  19 months off 30 mg (20 years) and could strangle myself if I thought that would help.  I've taken to sleeping too much.  Watch this as I think the brain gets pretty angry; at least mine is whining 24 hours a day and I don't know what to do.  It can't be God's plan that we were victims of some doctors interest in making money off of pharmaceuticals, is it?

[[ma...]]

How are you feeling now Cool? Have your symptoms been consistently bad for 3 weeks or has there been a peak from what you can tell?

[[Co...]]

It's been 4 weeks now and it's still really bad. It's better than it was but not by much. The first week was the worst. I get little reprieves here and there that last about an hour or 2 but it's been that way from the beginning. I can't sleep at all. The adrenaline surges and anxiety are less but still come and go. Burning skin and tinnitus are out of this world. So no I'm still really sick and couch bound. I'm out if bed but still can't do anything. I changed my daughter's brakes yesterday but it was really tough! I had no choice but to do it.