Desperate for Sleep

[[Wi...]]

I started taking Lorazepam approximately 10 years ago.  I was premenopausal and one day I just could not initiate sleep, at all!  I lay awake all night every night.  It was not night sweats or hot flashes.  No matter how tired I was I could not sleep.  Needless to say I was a zombie during the day. I found some Lorazepam in a drawer that I had used when my husband was ill and it worked!  I told my gynecologist and she was more than happy to prescribe it for me.  I only took 1mg at bedtime.  After awhile that was not doing the trick and I upped it to 2mg.  I would have gone higher but my doctor would not grant my request for a higher dose.  She never explained to me why I could not take more.  I felt I was not addicted to it because I only took it for sleep.  Right.  I tried hormone replacement therapy and I could not tolerate the progesterone (still had my uterus).  I am going to jump ahead a bit.  One day I noticed that I was having trouble making sense of things that I could always figure out in the past.  I could not figure out what had changed.  I looked up lorazepam and found the Asherton website and I was stunned. I was planning on going back to school for my Masters and I needed my brain to work.  I got a hysterectomy and I was able to take estrogen only.  Three months after that I had a spinal fusion.  Two months after the surgery I started to wean off that Lorazepam using Valium.  I had to find an addiction specialist because my primary care provider could not understand why I wanted the Valium and told me to break the lorazepam tablet.  It is a very small tablet and could only breaks into 4 with extreme difficulty, crushed more then I broke.  Weaning was a nightmare!!  My muscles went into spasms.  I had burning and tingling in my extremities.  Mouth dry and tongue extremely painful.  Tremors (My Mom has Parkinsons, the tremors really freaked me out), blurred vision, panic attacks, lightheadedness, and so much more.  I was studying for my Masters through all of this.  My saving grace was reading the Asherton list of withdrawal symptoms, so I knew the symptoms were normal for withdrawal and I just had to wait it out.  I have been off Lorazepam for 3 years now. The symptoms still come and go.  They are less severe, but still there.  The frustrating part is that I think they are gone and they come back.  I have been reading the posts on the Benzo Buddies site for about a year and it has really helped me to know that there is hope. I did get my Masters.  I finally found a job I like but because I never know when I am going to have a flare of symptoms I am anxious that my mind won't be up to the task on any given day.  I still have problems when I experience a wave of what I will call lightheadedness for lack of a better word and my thinking slows down and I have trouble making sense of what is in front of me.  I pull it together but it worries me.  Does any one else that has been off Benzos for a couple of years still get these feelings and have flares of the symptoms I described?  The reason I finally joined BenzoBuddies is because I need the support and I am ready to offer support to others.

[[me...]]

Hello WitsEnd55.  Welcome to the forum, we're glad you found us!  I'm sorry you're still experiencing withdrawal symptoms.  Some of these might be due to residual anxiety.  Although most people heal within a year or two, there are some who take longer to heal.  Even so, they do heal eventually. Here are a few links you may find useful:

 

Protracted Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Post-Withdrawal Recovery Support.

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field.  She describes and explains withdrawal symptoms, and there is also a section with withdrawal/taper schedules.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

 

 

[[De...]]

Hello WitsEnd55,

 

Welcome to the forum from me too 

 

Congratlations on earning your masters degree, you should feel proud of yourself!

 

I'm also sorry to hear you are still suffering albeit sporadically but as Megan said you're not on your own with this. sadly a full recovery after long term benzo use can take many, many months for some, I'm 19 months benzo free myself and I'm still quite symptomatic at times still, better than I was in the early recovery days but not healed yet and I have a few friends here who have also been benzo free for about 2 years and they are also still having problems.

 

Healing from benzos is not a linear process and for this reason it is also commonplace to experience peaks and troughs on the way to recovery. Sometimes I have a few good days when I'm hardly aware of symptoms but then I'll have the not so good days when I'm reminded that recovery has not taken place. we all heal fully eventually, it just takes longer than we thought it would.

 

I will give you a link to a post created by one of the members here, Parker which I think will help to give you a better understanding of why recovery after long term benzo use can take many months for some. Here is a link to "What is happening in your brain"

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

 

You will be given plenty of support here as you continue to heal and it makes a big difference knowing that you're not alone in your suffering.

 

I'm glad you found us and I do hope that a full recovery, for you, is not too far away.

 

Debbie