Intrusive Thoughts - Help BBs!

[[lo...]]

Hey experienced BBs,

 

I would really love your input. I am about 2 months and 2 weeks off K-pin, and I am concerned about the mental side effects.

I started having intrusive and paranoid thoughts about 1 month off K-pin - they wax and wane. Sometimes I barely notice them and sometimes they hit with a vengeance. Since I feel guilt for having them, I even try to recall them just to check that I still don't believe them. Which obviously just brings more anxiety. I feel like I am doing what I usually do for physical symptoms of hypochondria, only for the mental state.

 

Last week I was sure I was totally going ot lose and would start hearing voices. My p-doc is confident that I am not going crazy, and believes this is as a result for my uber-sensitivity to k-pin. She actually made me listen to what she said twice to make sure I heard it.

 

I have never experienced horrid intrusive thoughts like this. Just thinking of them brings up a gag reflex. I just feel so guilty about it. Has anyone gone through this? What the hell is this? Yikes.

 

Thanks BBs.

 

[Guest [ba...]]

These thoughts are really common, LDR!  I think it's more difficult for good, moral people as they can begin to see those thoughts (and themselves) as somehow 'evil'.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  It's the withdrawal that's causing that stuff to happen.  The best thing to do with those thoughts is to let them go.  Don't try to remember them.  Move on.  Ruminating on them may cause you to begin a new habit of holding onto thoughts that you really don't want to hold onto.  Not a good habit to get into.  A better habit to learn is to let go of those thoughts.

 

Many months ago, when those thoughts popped up, I started simply telling myself that I wasn't going to have that (thought) happen, and I stopped ruminating on it (and moved on to what was actually at hand).  That strategy has worked very well for me.

 

I still get some weird thoughts from time to time.  I think everybody does.  I don't get nearly the number or intensity that I used to, so it does seem to get better with time.

[[me...]]

Hi, the best advice I can give you is to learn to distract yourself from disturbing feelings.  In my case, it was morbid intrusive thoughts.  I wrote this a few weeks ago:

 

When I was in acute withdrawal, I was suffering from dreadful physical and mental symptoms.  I truly felt I was going insane, and was at a low point I'd never imagined before in my life even though I'd had plenty of experience with anxiety and depression.  When I started to have intrusive morbid thoughts I couldn't control, I knew I had to do something, and "distraction" is what came to me.  I don't mean the kind of distraction that one only does "if they feel like it."  I somehow knew I HAD to do this, and to keep doing it until I got through the acute stage. So, I distracted myself relentlessly and obsessively, using whatever worked in the moment and then switching to something else as soon as the previous thing stopped working.  I used my very obsessiveness to do this. It was a stream of consciousness thing where I made use of whatever popped into my head (there was no preplanning of what to do next).  I distracted myself this way over and over until it became a habit.  It was my main "job" every day, and it was serious business.  Interestingly, it wasn't long before I actually started looking forward to my favorite distractions!  I kept doing this for many months, and in time my symptoms began to fall away one by one.  It was a long process, one day at a time, and there was no knowing how things would eventually turn out.  But I just kept on doing this, moment by moment, day by day, and eventually at about 20 months off I healed.

 

[Guest [ba...]]

Yeah!  I kind of forgot about distraction.  These days I am usually able to simply move on without the need for distraction, but every now and then I need to distract.  I'm very glad for having developed that skill.  I found myself getting all pissed off on the golf course on Saturday.  I stopped for a moment and mentally traced individual blades of grass on a tee box for a minute or so.  The anger left me.  I still played like butt, but it didn't ruin my day (and I didn't ruin the day of my golfing partners). 

 

Don't hold back when you distract.  Put 100% of your mind into it.  It takes some practice.

[[Ki...]]

Hi LDR, I get these as well.....they are very frightening. I somehow know they are not my thoughts though (i know that makes me sound crazy) and so I heed my therapists advice:

 

I acknowledge the thought

I thank it for falsely believing it needs to be there

I tell it to leave

 

I know it sounds a little hokey, but it works for me (a lot of the time).

 

I'm sorry you're struggling my friend 

 

 

[[lo...]]

Thanks you guys for the support. I will definitely try the distraction and letting go. I do the opposite of distraction now, I start ruminating and dwelling on them. My imagination is just cruelly used against me here. I start wondering what would an insane person dwell on in this situation. Get some ideas from some movies/news I've seen at some point, and then all of a sudden start thinking about those.

 

 

[[sp...]]

LDR,

An acute case of harm OCD was what gave me the insomnia which led to the benzos. As a moral person, I did not know why I would be having such horrible thoughts (I believe it was from tamoxifen and a lack of inositol in my body). Now I have been taught--through CBT--to distinguish between a thought and reality or even a thought and an impulse. I am an art historian and one of the ways I console myself when having intrusive thoughts is to remember that 50% of the world's artists/writers/filmmakers would have been locked up if their thoughts were more than that (meaning led to action).

On a more practical note: people have found great success with inositol and NAC for these thoughts. Check with your doctor first.

XOOX

Badsocref, you are always so right on and zen-like. You make me know I can do this.

[[lo...]]

Thanks for the advice Spiritus. I'll look into inositol.

 

Does anyone know on a physiological level why we get bombarded with this? Is this an overactive CNS? What's the deal? Curious minds want to know

 

I find that mine get much worse with rising anxiety levels.

[[sp...]]

OCD or intrusive thoughts are ALL anxiety driven. My doc is known in our area for his success with OCD and he describes it this way:

Physical anxiety travels at the speed of light.

Thoughts travel at the speed of sound.

Hence the thought is typically an irrational product of physical anxiety. Which is why you didn't have them while you were ON the benzos and now do.

 

 

 

 

 

[[lo...]]

How interesting! Thanks for that explanation. Well it definitely would explain what happened right after to me yesterday. I got hit with nasty DR, all night insomnia, and tremors that lasted all night as well.

 

[Guest [Mo...]]

@poster. You just came off klonopin, relax. Anxiety is your body's response to fear. Figure out why your fearful, whether its an insecurity or a life long fear because it will take over your life. Face your fears every single day. Exposure is very effective if your out of other options.

[[Ra...]]

These intrusive thoughts are the worst symptom they really SUCK. Keep in mind as you heal they will slowly disappear. They will decrease more and more until they finally leave. Try to find some coping strategies. For me I like to smoke, play guitar, video games, drink and eat!

[[lo...]]

Thanks everyone. I can't wait to heal. Breaking out of the benzo prison ain't easy.