Isolate by choice?

[[Wi...]]

I'm about 16 months out and while certain symptoms remain, I've been making a conscious effort to expand my life after having withdrawan from the world while tapering and post acute w/d.  I have tried to go out and find activities that give me an opportunity to meet new  people.  I've actually achieved this. Thing is tho, while in theory I want to really connect with a person or people, I'm finding that I'm not liking this socializing.  Much of it is superficial, which I expected, but it is not satisfying very much. Most of the time I end up worried about what I said, how people are responding and just hugely oversensitive to the situations. 

 

Part of it, I think is that my CNS is hugely sensitive.  I think another part is that I genuinely can't relate to most people.  I don't go into what happened over the last several years, but most people I run into don't share the experience at all and I feel like as a result, because it's still having an impact, there is a disconnect.

 

I'm finding that after I have made all of this effort over the last several months, this experiment has failed and I just want to isolate and just plan on a solo life.

 

Anyone else suffer from a failure to launch upon reentry?

 

WWWI

[[Ga...]]

yes, i sure have.

 

its extremely stressful now to be around ppl.

 

youre right, theyve been living life and we havent. its very akward

[[Ch...]]

Probably me.  I don't look at not re-entering social life as a failure, it's more of a choice.  I love being at home in the peace and quiet with only a dog and some cats as company.  I enjoy having friends and family visit, sometimes for days, then being peacefully alone again when they leave.

 

I'm a bit more than 2 1/2 years off and things are still changing for the better as far as recovering from benzodiazepines and withdrawal.  Maybe I'll get to the point of enjoying social stuff again, but a lot of that type of interaction is very superficial.  Maybe we lose our tolerance for superficial stuff after we've been through the withdrawal process, which tends to be life-changing for us.

[[Sv...]]

Absolutely!  Even if you're dealing with basic anxiety, the amount of effort required to socialize seems insurmountable.

 

For that reason I've told all my friends about my health situation such that they don't think I'm avoiding them.

 

Do some controlled outings. Go out for a bit, and leave when you want. Walk into a store that you like and strike up a conversation with a clerk. Leave when you want to.

 

Then slowly build it up.

[[Wi...]]

Challis - It's probably benzo related, but I have this horrible fear that I'm going to die alone.  Here's the thing. I, like you, really like my time at home.  I also think there is something to the fact that I don't tolerate superficial well.  But I watch other people and they seem like they really enjoy the social thing and I see connections being made.  I have small group of people who I love and like being around.  But there is something that is pushing me to do more and at the moment it's not working out so well.  I guess part of it is that when meeting new people, it's hard to feel immediately comfortable and safe. 

 

Svenhoak, for the last several months that's exactly what I've been doing. I've even dipped my toe in further and participated in activities with a couple groups.  But I don't seem to really connect with anyone.  I have the skills to engage with people, but I just don't feel any connection at all.

 

Gard it is stressful.

[[Sv...]]

It will start to connect. And it feels amazing when it does. I still have fierce w/d, but in some ways I feel more connected than I ever have.

 

This beautiful world is full of these things called "people". Open yourself up to them. Expose yourself emotionally to a stranger. You will be amazed at the outcome!

[[ke...]]

WWWI

 

I'm guessing that you are probably still very self-conscious which is common for us and as a result you are having difficulty having satisfying social interactions. I would suggest joining a gym and getting into great shape and buying some nice clothes. This will give you more confidence and you will enjoy hanging out more.

[[Te...]]

I'm not ready for reentry but am inching forward. Since w/d, other than my son and my ex-husband, I only talk to people superficially. I've made up my mind that when I'm ready to be with a group of people for some purpose or to just have fun, the desire and energy are going to have to far outweigh the fear. Right now I have neither the desire nor the energy.

 

I've also made the decision to not force myself to do anything if it doesn't feel comfortable in my gut, either now or in the future. I used to force myself to do things, but it would end up requiring a tremendous amount of energy and caused a lot of stress. I'll have to go with my gut even if others are angry with me. I think I've toughened up during this process. I used to have a very thin skin, and the fear of being alone and being known as an introvert or loner has always been with me. I've thought about having a lonely death a lot in the past two years. But through this terrible ordeal I've become much more comfortable being alone and am learning to trust that whatever happens is meant to be and that somehow it'll work out in the end. Though w/d has been absolute hell, what's been much worse are my fears about what could happen to me. Terrible visions have haunted me. But in reality, when times have been the roughest, I've felt "taken care of." It's hard to explain. I'm not a religious person, but I do pray a lot now, something I didn't do much of before, and there's a spiritual connection.   

 

Until the time feels really right, I'm going to pass on trying to commit myself to something and will stay by myself for the most part. And that's okay. It used to be a very scary place to be. But now I feel that I can handle it.