I am about to give up on him. PLEASE HELP

[[Ih...]]

I have been reading these boards in effort to help a friend (eh, boyfriend) who has been living with me. after 5 years of a 6mg klonopin/day prescription, then 3 years of what averaged to about 2-3mg/day, and before that given 800mg of seroquel/day for several months, he was pretty much completely disabled, and then he had several seizures when he didn't take the klonopin regularly. This is when I decided to try to help, because he had no one else.

 

He has a number of other problems, including PTSD, anxiety, sleepwalking, etc. He has tried to taper off his 2mg klonopin pill but was stuck at a .25mg dose for almost a year due to severe withdrawal symptoms, which I thought was partly due to him drinking alcohol on a regular basis. So he quit drinking at my request and went back to tapering 2 months ago, now with suspension fluid. He is down to .2mg now and ever since restarting his taper with the fluid he pretty much goes insane every time he takes his dose.

 

He can hardly eat or sleep and has panic attacks, scary sleepwalking episodes (rem behavior disorder), and anxiety on a regular basis now. I am still often caught off guard with him either having a near seizure when he drops his taper to belligerent verbal abuse after he takes his dose. The crazy, mean things he says to me he does not even recall the next morning. It as if he's blackout drunk.

 

My friends tell me to just ask him to leave but when I do his ptsd kicks in and he cries and screams and begs me not to because he doesn't have anywhere to go. He is very sorry and tries explaining that he would never act this way normally. I did know him before the whole klonopin thing started, and he had his share of issues then, but now it is much worse. He is a really great person (when he's sane) that has just had every bad thing in the world happen to him. But I don't know how much of his Bad episodes are due to klonopin withdrawl (or from him taking it) and what problems are from ptsd or if he is just freaking bipolar, but he insists it is from the klonopin.

 

i have bought all kinds of supplements to help him in the past year and a half but all he's taking now is a multivitamin, a combo tincture of ashwaganda, skullcap, oats, hawthorn, and St. John's wort, and a gaba lozenge once in a while. He says they seem to help a bit with withdrawals but nothing seems to help when he goes insane after taking his dose.

 

What do I do? When will this end? Why is the end of the taper harder than the beginning when he was making much larger cuts? ive heard a lot of success stories on here but none from anyone who had it this bad... Grand mal seizures, complete amnesia, constant nose bleeds, sometimes he blacks out not long after taking his dose and passes out for a few seconds, falling flat on the floor. And the verbal abuse is taking a toll on me as well. Does anyone relate to this and is there really hope? Is there a point where I should give up?

 

And I know you're all going to say get him to a doctor, to a therapist, a neurologist,etc. but he is poor, on medicaid, doesn't even have a car or any resources, and hes on parole and the only doctor that can change his medication is the one in his tiny county of residence, who says the klonopin is fine and then adds more drugs like topomax and depakote on top of it. He doesn't take them because why risk more side effects and be controlled by more manmade scary chemicals!?

 

I'm sorry this is long but I am desperate and your thoughts really do help me. Thank you

[[Ch...]]

This is a very difficult position for you both.  What he's telling you (not being himself, etc) is pretty true for this and none of his words or actions surprise me as far as benzo withdrawal. 

 

Who he was before he took benzodiazepines is probably what you can expect when he's healed, or that's pretty much what most of us find when we've healed.

 

It sounds like he may be paradoxical to the Klonopin now, and that happens sometimes.  At .2mg of Valium, he shouldn't be far from jumping from his dose. 

 

It is .2, not 2mg?

[[Ch...]]

As far as the supplements, it sounds like you meant well by buying them but he may have weeded out the ones that might cause a flare in symptoms. And additional drugs, many of us have a real aversion to any kind of psych drugs after what we've gone through with the benzodiazepines.

 

Have you posted here yet?  There are really helpful people on this thread:  Support for Family Members

[[Di...]]

This is a very difficult position for you both.  What he's telling you (not being himself, etc) is pretty true for this and none of his words or actions surprise me as far as benzo withdrawal. 

 

Who he was before he took benzodiazepines is probably what you can expect when he's healed, or that's pretty much what most of us find when we've healed.

 

It sounds like he may be paradoxical to the Klonopin now, and that happens sometimes.  At .2mg of Valium, he shouldn't be far from jumping from his dose. 

 

It is .2, not 2mg?

 

Isn't he on Klonopin not valium? So 0.2mg of K would still mean he has a way to go (roughly 4mg V) - or did I miss something - wouldn't be unusual if I did..lol..

 

I'm really sorry you are going through all this. It is so hard on both of you. He does need you though. I know that puts a lot of pressure and responsibility on you, but what will happen to him if you do give up on him. He has been on a massively high dose of Klonopin, so it's more than likely he's brought his dose down too quickly. Things will eventually get better, but I'm afaid no one can really predict when that will be.

[[Ih...]]

Thanks for responses. Yes he is taking .2 mg of klonopin in suspension fluid, not Valium. At what point might it be safe to jump with klonopin?

 

And what supplements have been suspected of adverse reactions? I do want to be careful but some things really seem to help (very temporarily)

[[Ch...]]

This is a very difficult position for you both.  What he's telling you (not being himself, etc) is pretty true for this and none of his words or actions surprise me as far as benzo withdrawal. 

 

Who he was before he took benzodiazepines is probably what you can expect when he's healed, or that's pretty much what most of us find when we've healed.

 

It sounds like he may be paradoxical to the Klonopin now, and that happens sometimes.  At .2mg of Valium, he shouldn't be far from jumping from his dose. 

 

It is .2, not 2mg?

 

Isn't he on Klonopin not valium? So 0.2mg of K would still mean he has a way to go (roughly 4mg V) - or did I miss something - wouldn't be unusual if I did..lol..

 

I'm really sorry you are going through all this. It is so hard on both of you. He does need you though. I know that puts a lot of pressure and responsibility on you, but what will happen to him if you do give up on him. He has been on a massively high dose of Klonopin, so it's more than likely he's brought his dose down too quickly. Things will eventually get better, but I'm afaid no one can really predict when that will be.

 

Thanks for catching this, Pam.  I knew it was Klonopin, wrote Valium... too many posts written today, time to go to bed!

 

[[gr...]]

I jumped from .062 of klonopin. Some go lower though.

[[Di...]]

I'm not that familiar with K, because I've always use Valium, but the lower you can get the better.

[[be...]]

To me, the lower the better. I don't plan on getting off the kpin until I am at .03 mg of it. Sorry you are going thru this. You are a very fine, supportive lady. Please, don't give up on him. He needs you now more than ever. He's journey isn't an easy one, either. It's the benzos  talking, not him. I bet you'll really be pleased with his attitude once he has healed. fwiw, you wouldn't believe some of the nasty uncalled-for crap that comes out of my mouth for no reason at all. And I am normally the opposite. Just don't get ahead of me in line at a busy grocery store. 

[[Ih...]]

And yes it is the paradoxical effect that is confusing me. Why does taking a tiny dose make him act blackout drunk crazy right after taking it, where it is supposed to calm him down? Once his dose starts to wear off (the next morning) he is fine. What is happening in his brain that makes taking it have such a huge effect on his behavior? Are there any herbs or vitamins or amino acids that reduce this? Does anything make it worse?

[[va...]]

Some of his symptoms sound like my sister.  She takes xanax, and she also has seizures, she gets the shakes and drops (and breaks) things a lot, stutters, sleepwalks and carries on conversations like she's fully awake and never remembers them.  She's extremely disabled (from other things, not xanax, but that doesn't help either) and she and I and our mother all live together.  She also drinks beer all the time, and she's very hard headed and doesn't listen, and starts arguments with me.  My mother is old and sick, and I'm not exactly well either, but I have to be caretaker to both of them.  So, man, I can relate to what you're going through.  I feel your pain.      But I can't throw her out, and I can't leave, at least currently anyway.  It isn't an option.

 

I guess you have to decide what is more important to you, your sanity or your relationship with him, and whether you're willing to give up part of yourself to get the old him back.  IOW, is the old him worth what you're going through?  It sounds like you really care for him.  If you love him, it might be worth it to help him through this.  Only you can answer that question though, and it isn't fair to make you totally responsible for him.  He's an adult, and you are his lover not his mother.  Does he have any other family (or friends) that can help him, or he can stay with at least for awhile?  If he's disabled and on medicaid, he can apply for housing.  If he had a place to stay, you could still help him, but you wouldn't have to be around him all the time, and it might take some of the pressure off of you. 

 

I understand how hard this must be, because I recently ended a 10 year relationship because it was abusive (not physically, but verbally, and he was extremely manipulative and condescending and he blamed me for everything).  He also did the crying and screaming and pitching fits thing like you described, which really is unattractive in a grown man, imo.  OTOH, he was also a great guy, and wicked smart (IQ was 167, and I really, really like intelligent people) and extremely talented, but he was also bipolar (or something) and was in denial about it and refused to get help, because he refused to admit he had a problem.  I just couldn't take it anymore because he was killing my soul, and he made me suicidal.  I had to make a choice between him, or me, and I chose me. 

 

It's not the same situation you're in, exactly, but there are similar elements to it.  Your man is trying to get help, admits he has a problem, and is working on it.  His problems are also drug induced, at least most of them, it sounds like.  So it sounds like you need to do some serious soul searching to try and figure out what exactly you want, and what you're willing to go through to get it.

 

The following thread will help explain what's going on in his brain.  It's very informative so it might help you to read it, and him as well.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

 

I hope some of this helps.

 

Namaste.

 

~K 

[[Ih...]]

Thanks, k. He does not have a supportive family and I do love him and want to see him get through this. I do get worried sometimes though because he has been diagnosed as everything, including bipolar, in the past. I think he just has PTSD with anxiety but sometimes when he has bad withdrawal episodes a part of me thinks what if he really is bipolar and crazy regardless of the klonopin?! I don't know. He had another seizure last night a few hours after taking his dose. Passed out for about 20 seconds and his nose was bleeding all over. He can hardly eat, which is a huge issue. I think I'm going to start a new thread just about that.

[[va...]]

I'm so sorry.  My sister had another seizure yesterday too, and then she dropped a big glass pitcher of tea and didn't clean it up or tell me, so I went to the kitchen last night and there was glass and sticky tea all over the floor.  And we have animals, so one of them could've stepped on glass and that upsets me.

 

I'm so sorry he's having to go through this, and you as well.  If there is anything I can do to help, just ask.  You can pm me if you just want to talk and get things off your chest.  It's difficult supporting someone who has so many issues, but it can be done.  It might be good for you to find a local support group, where you go share and be around people who are going through the same things as you are.  Maybe contact Al-Anon or ask his doctor if he can recommend one.  Good luck to you both.   

 

Namaste.

 

~K 

[Guest [Mo...]]

He sounds like an enormous pos . It also seems like your enabling him.  Put up or shut up

[[be...]]

He sounds like an enormous pos . It also seems like your enabling him.  Put up or shut up

 

I think that statement was uncalled for. You were not kind or respectful to another member.

[[Ba...]]

He sounds like an enormous pos . It also seems like your enabling him.  Put up or shut up

 

I think that statement was uncalled for. You were not kind or respectful to another member.

 

Agreed

[[Ch...]]

He sounds like an enormous pos . It also seems like your enabling him.  Put up or shut up

 

Unnecessary comment, MojitoMan.  Let me remind you of the guidelines you agreed to when you joined:

 

Be polite towards, and respectful of, your fellow Buddies. We do not tolerate attacks upon fellow members. Any account created for the purposes of causing arguments and/or ill-feeling will be banned.

Challis

Sr. Moderator

[[Go...]]

Totally ignore what the other member said. Pretend they do not exist. The only way for some of us to heal is to get off the benzos. I jumped off .01 mg K compounded. It was hell on earth but I did it. I'm 8 months off and about 60% but I will get better and be 100% some day. I will take 60% over the hell I went through for 5 years to get off. I had 1 stay in rehab and 2 psych hospital in-patient stays. It was all benzos. I wasn't crazy before and I'm not crazy now. If he is different and crazy, it's the withdrawal. I was paradoxical to Klonopin. The higher I went up in dose, the sicker I got. Benzos are the devils poison. They will flip on the person taking them. The only way to heal is to get off the drug and stay off.

[[gr...]]

He sounds like an enormous pos . It also seems like your enabling him.  Put up or shut up

 

What the hell? Who is the pos?

[[Te...]]

The choice is sometimes a daily revisit. You HAVE to be able to step back and/ or away so YOU can heal. The guilt is an unnecessary involvement, but it's also a hard one to ignore...I know, I've been trying to for a long time, but I'm just so good at guilting myself.   Reference Mrpotatohead's recent posts...he has a wonderful view of this. There are several threads of support and commiseration in this forums, and they have helped me through rough stretches. Just being able to vent has been a great comfort to me. Try to remember: it isn't him, it isn't you...it's the benzos. Wait till you get a glimpse of the man behind the veil...it will remind you of why you are doing the wonderful job you are doing. I wish you a little peace in your pastrami... mike