Hard to Watch Spouse

[[Hu...]]

Hello,

 

I am trying to be a support for my husband.  He is on month 3 of withdrawl...tonight was horrible, seems like the worst yet.  Itchy skin, muscle aches and anxiety.  He has horrible insomnia and said he almost woke me up last night because he felt hopeless.  Is this "normal?"  Will this ever stop? Would really appreciate any stories of success or at least..."me too."  I keep being positive, but inside I am filled with fear tonight.  He in on BB but just is too overwhelmed to post or read...so I tell him things I read.  Thanks for anyone's insight!!!

[Guest [Or...]]

I'm 4 months off and am currently 100%!! It all goes away. Trust me. The best thing you can do for your husband is assure him it gets better. My boyfriend does it for me all the time...and tonight he is right.

 

Soon enough he will start getting windows in the evening. And you will get parts of him back. Even if it's temporary. That will be yours and his cues to know that it'd all withdrawal.

[[gr...]]

Me too!

 

I am a month a a couple days off and its pretty harsh. I havent slept for more than an hour or two in months and months.

Anxiety is severe, our nervous systems are in a very damaged state...almost like we do not even have a nervous system to protect us...only hurt us with every nerve in our body ina hyper arousal state.

 

He needs to be safe and calm and minimum stress. Its just a nightmare to go through, i dont wish it on my worst enemy.

 

Orion is a good example of fast healing. I hope in another 3 months i feel as good as him and i hope the best for your husband.

[[wi...]]

I've only very recently seen significant improvement at 3.5 months. The situation can change quite suddenly, so have hope.

[[Hu...]]

Thank you for the three responses so far.  It is amazing how a few posts can give you hope...and I had my husband read them too.  Thank you for taking the time!

[[me...]]

Hello,

 

I am trying to be a support for my husband.  He is on month 3 of withdrawl...tonight was horrible, seems like the worst yet.  Itchy skin, muscle aches and anxiety.  He has horrible insomnia and said he almost woke me up last night because he felt hopeless.  Is this "normal?"  Will this ever stop? Would really appreciate any stories of success or at least..."me too."  I keep being positive, but inside I am filled with fear tonight.  He in on BB but just is too overwhelmed to post or read...so I tell him things I read.  Thanks for anyone's insight!!!

 

Hi,

 

All these symptoms are very common, normal, and pretty much to be expected in acute withdrawal, which is the first few months off.  Healing takes a different amount of time for each of us, but we do heal in time. 

 

[Guest [Or...]]

....Oh and as for your husband feeling hopeless...go into my posts and look for a thread called, "What is wrong with me?" I completely lost it on the forum last week. And for tonight at least, I'm me. It'd all gone. The fear. The breathing difficulties. The anxiety. The depression. ALL gone. So hopefully he can see that even when you have lost all hope, you still heal.

 

Even if this is a giant window for me, its still a step in the right direction. Your husband will get there too.

[[Fi...]]

Yes, he will heal.  Just hang on tight and you will come through this strong, together.  And hold him!  Oxytocin is so good for the brain.  Time seems to be the only cure, but somebody there loving you surely must make it all more tolerable.  I know it has for me, and I'm glad your husband has you there with him.

[[Ch...]]

This is very scary...both to have it happen to you or to watch someone else go through it.  As everyone says, he will eventually heal, the process is going to probably be comparable to other people but the timeline for waves and windows and complete healing is going to be different for everyone.

 

This is the most unpredictable healing process I've ever heard about.  But the outcome is good.  Bless you for hanging in there.  This is tough.

 

[[Te...]]

Hummus, thank you so much for being the caring and loving individual that you are. This is such a lonely process because most doctors, and people in general, don't understand benzo w/d symptoms, and none of the standard blood tests tell the story at all. Most tests turn out to be clear (except that during w/d there can be some abnormalities here and there on these tests because of the tremendous changes the body goes through). True healing centers around getting the nerves to work again on their own, since they've been crippled by benzo drugs, and this can be an extremely slow process and, as Challis said, it's the most unpredictable healing process. Doctors don't typically give neuro tests to help them out in finding answers. There's a tremendous lack of education and understanding in the medical community. Doctors basically look at the standard tests and conclude that since they show little, if any, answers, then we must have an anxiety, depressive, or some other disorder, and they'll want to start prescribing more pills to "solve" the problem. Doing so can cause delays in healing. But there is a wealth of information on BB, and I'm so thankful that you came here and are willing to help your husband through this. 

 

What your husband is going through is all "normal." It seems unbelievable that something like this could be normal, I wouldn't have ever imagined it myself had I not gone through it. And I'm still experiencing it. It seems inhumane. But your husband is going to get through it and heal. Gradually we all heal. It just takes time and more time. 

 

 

 

 

[[Te...]]

GOOD FOR YOU!!! the process of withdrawal is something I used to think was "all in your head", and coming to this forums was an eye opener. I came to learn, am getting more of an education than I expected, and have developed a sincere awe for the folks sharing here. there may be times when you consider homicide a viable option...for me this was normal and passed quickly...it is frustrating to watch, and the helplessness can seem overwhelming, but remember you are BOTH victims...treat yourself kindly, learn to breathe deeply, and always, ALWAYS keep faith that it will get better, because it will, just not on our timetable.  mike

[[Hu...]]

Thanks to everyone for responding.  Tonight was obsessive fear... I read in BB that was "normal" but it's awful to watch.  Rereading your posts again gives me hope and strength to be a better partner in recovery!  The U.K. seems so much farther along than the U.S.  Thank goodness for the Internet!

[[ca...]]

Hummus i applaud you for being so strong.  Just continue reassuring your husband that everything is okay when the fears kick up.  It seemed to be the only thing i needed to keep me going.  Know that it does get better but in the meantime just keep reassuring till the cows come home and the occasional hugs.  Maybe ur husband is different but during acute i didnt like to be touched or hugged unless i asked for it.  I asked for a lot of things during acute lol.  I drove my mother nuts by telling her i needed her around and then telling her to leave me alone.  There are ups and downs but try to ride them out and do remember to take a breather for yourself too.

[[Fi...]]

Yep, Hummus, that's the RX--endless reassurance delivered with kindness and patience.  For me, and maybe for others, time seemed to drag so slowly, that what seems like something you just said might seem like last week to your husband.

 

I'm sure it's hard, but what helped me was when my husband could just say reassuring things without any suggestion that I was somehow doing something wrong or that I wasn't handling things right.  It made me angry when he'd try to stop me from crying by saying I was making myself sicker.  To the person in this state, it's just so unbelievable that they could feel so bad and be expected to hang on, that any idea they are at fault is just intolerable.

 

Bless your heart for hanging on to your guy.