I am so scared....

[Guest [Or...]]

Yesterday was a scary, scary day. Can't stop crying today. Can't feel my lungs. Heart beating rapidly. It feels like I'm dying. Why was I so STUPID??? 3 weeks and I'm following the patterns of a long term user. This is unbearable. I want to heal. I don't know how everyone else does it. If its not one thing, its another with me. MY symptoms still rev up from doing distractions...all this started just a week ago.

 

Why am I suffering now? It makes no sense...and now its been so long I forget what its like to feel normal...How will I know when I'm healed? Since I'm prone to anxiety...what if its already over and I'm just extending the experience psychosomatically?

 

I am SO scared guys....

[Guest [ma...]]

Orion,

 

I am sorry but what you are experiencing although not nice is not out of the norm for some people after short term use. I went through the same thing 30 years ago after only 3 weeks of taking Serax, but at the time had no idea I had been given a benzo.

 

It's also not out of the norm to have things worsen at this point in your healing. The exact same thing happened to me post a K c/t. It was right around the 3 to 4 month mark when things really ramped up. It happens a lot. I have seen it time and time again during the almost 3 years I have been on BB.

 

Please know that you will heal but fighting the symptoms and wishing you were not feeling what you are right now is only going to magnify what is going on. And NO this is not psychosomatic. It does not matter if you had "normal anxiety" prior to being given benzos. What you are feeling now is a temporary chemically induced anxiety.

 

Please stay strong and dig deeper. This is doable. All the best, mandala

[[Pe...]]

I know exactly what you mean. I am 16 months out and I am staring to think "the withdrawal stmptoms" are caused by underlaying anxiety (like you I alwas have been an anxious person).

Instead of waiting to get better perhaps I should seek help.

I am giving myself until 2 years out. If I am not "healed" by then, I will reconsider my options.

Hugs to you Orionbash

Peace

[Guest [Or...]]

Thanks guys. It just doesn't make any sense. I'm not messing around with support meds. I'm eating right and eating the foods that the brain needs to produce GABA.... I'm NOT quitting smoking as per the Ashton Manual...despite the fact that I feel like it would clear up my lungs and help with the breathing issues.

 

I just wanna know when it will get better. I'm scared of losing control and ending up in a psych ward and polydrugged. Even though that's tempting at times because I'd rather be a zombie than have to deal with this...but I've recently learned that APs can induce akathisia in people undergoing benzo withdrawal... So that's a risk I don't wanna take.

 

And that would be hell on Earth and most likely happen to me if I had a bad reaction from 5mg of Cipralex...

 

I just can't stop crying...my birthday is in 10 days and I'm going to be fighting for my life...from something that isn't actually dangerous...

[[Ch...]]

I'm sorry you're having some bad days, Orion.  You're such an awesome support to other people here.  I wish I could give you a timeline but this has a mind of its own.

 

Any stress lately that could have revved things up?

 

[Guest [Or...]]

Thanks Challis...I was trying. But I just was never that bad. I didn't know that THIS is how people felt. The only hope I can have is that it will get better. And soon.

 

And no, no stress. Im severely agoraphobic and handled a move with lots of people and was in a window soon after for 4 days. I had some butter chicken which may have contained msg but it wouldn't have effected me this long.

 

Its really just timing. But I'm like...scared of losing control and going retarded. I don't want to end up in a psych ward and drugged out of my mind. Im really scared. I have never ever felt this bad mentally or physically in my life. I'm constantly struggling to stay focused on breathing and remaining sane. Its too hard.

[Guest [mu...]]

My acute phase peaked during months 3-4 too... just hang in there. It gets easier, I promise. You will not go insane... you might FEEL like you're losing your mind, but trust me, you're not. I went through an acute phase so severe that I LITERALLY thought I had died and was in hell, but I made it to the other side, and so will you. Just breathe and ride it out... that's all you can do, and all you have to do. Yes, it is unbelievably, unbearably hard... no doubt the hardest thing you will ever have to do. But you CAN do it. Just stay the course.

 

Love,

m

[[Ch...]]

Thanks Challis...I was trying. But I just was never that bad. I didn't know that THIS is how people felt. The only hope I can have is that it will get better. And soon.

 

And no, no stress. Im severely agoraphobic and handled a move with lots of people and was in a window soon after for 4 days. I had some butter chicken which may have contained msg but it wouldn't have effected me this long.

 

Its really just timing. But I'm like...scared of losing control and going retarded. I don't want to end up in a psych ward and drugged out of my mind. Im really scared. I have never ever felt this bad mentally or physically in my life. I'm constantly struggling to stay focused on breathing and remaining sane. Its too hard.

 

What are your limitations?  I guess you don't go out, but do you have support at home?  People who visit?

[Guest [Or...]]

Thanks Challis...I was trying. But I just was never that bad. I didn't know that THIS is how people felt. The only hope I can have is that it will get better. And soon.

 

And no, no stress. Im severely agoraphobic and handled a move with lots of people and was in a window soon after for 4 days. I had some butter chicken which may have contained msg but it wouldn't have effected me this long.

 

Its really just timing. But I'm like...scared of losing control and going retarded. I don't want to end up in a psych ward and drugged out of my mind. Im really scared. I have never ever felt this bad mentally or physically in my life. I'm constantly struggling to stay focused on breathing and remaining sane. Its too hard.

 

What are your limitations?  I guess you don't go out, but do you have support at home?  People who visit?

 

My limitations are pretty bad. I can't distract anymore because my symptoms rev up to the extreme. Especially fast moving things and things with lots of color. I was playing angry birds on my phone a few weeks ago among a few other things and that helped.

 

I also have the blasted breathing issues. I cannot do anything when those are there. Nor can I stop focusing on it. Brutal.

 

And I have the best support system anyone could ask for. I have an amazing partner and a great circle of friends and family that would listen to me cry any time of the day. Or even come keep me company so I wasn't alone.

 

I have everything I need to get better, but its not happening. I'm not seeing or al progress. Anything I wrote that was better in my 100 days thread is now back with a vengeance. Like all my worst symptoms. That ever showed their face. Are with me at all times.

 

It went from symptoms every few days, to every day at certain times, to cycling all day, to constant. I've never seen anyone like me or read about it. I dunno. I'm terrified of the symptoms, even though I have no reason to be, but my mind and body are not cooperating.

[[sa...]]

Orion. I totally understand everything you're saying. I've been and continue to be there. Did you hear ap causes akathisia or causes it when you remove it. When I tried to cut the seroquel In July I got it bad. It went away when I restabilized on the seroquel.

[Guest [Or...]]

Yeah, I've heard all about that unfortunateky. The good news Satch, is that if it went away when you stabilized...then its just a side effect of tapering down and will go away when its gone. If you developed it on the med it would be different. I wouldn't worry too much.

[[sa...]]

So you have heard it happens when people try to taper the seroquel. I was wondering if it was just uncovering klonopin wd.

 

I'm really sorry you're suffering so much. This process is truly unfair and cruel.

[Guest [Or...]]

Feeling much better today. Nowhere near as bad as yesterday. Let's hope THIS time its rapid healing. Man. After my benzo WD is long gone and I have gone back to life...someone is gonna stumble on my story, read from beginning and be like, "OMG! I feel good in the first month too. Bet he didn't last long" then watch as I slowly descended into benzo WD hell. Lol

[[Fi...]]

Hey, I'm rooting for you Orion.  Just read this whole string and was relieved to hear you're better by now!  I'm reading this book, Anatomy of an Epidemic, that makes me feel so strongly that we are all on the right track in getting OFF drugs and look for some new wonder drug at our extreme peril!

 

I'm like you, with technically a good support system.  Amazing how benzo withdrawal can be sheer hell no matter how much support you have. 

 

Hang in there!  I'm glad you got some relief, even if it's not the end of the game.

[Guest [Or...]]

Yeah. Its true. Doesn't matter how much support you receive. Lol. Really doesn't make a big difference. You still suffer much the same.