STRUGGLING BADLY AT 6 MONTHS...HELP ME PLEASE!

[[Cr...]]

I was doing so well, I don't know what happened, my body turned on me and my mind followed suit. I was to the point where I was going out, exercising daily and starting to feel better, now I can barely move my limbs, I get feelings of movement (rocking and twisting) that isn't real in my body. My legs are weak and I get so dizzy its hard to read or walk. My vision is bad again and I'm seeing floaters and my eyeballs bounce all around. My tinnitus is at all time highs, and my hearing is supersonic. The WORST part is the inner shakes, I can't stop them, people on here describe them as vibrations....these feel like every single little fiber in every muscle in my entire body is jiggling and flexing all day long. My nerve pain has gone off the charts...feels like acid is being poured on my body parts and I am losing my mind. I can't remember anything, forgetting my life, forgetting the day, almost forgetting everything. It got so bad I took a rescue dose. I am having such a hard time believing this is all just benzo WD, especially with how good I was feeling. My dizziness and shaking is so bad I can barely type this without feeling the need to puke....its parkinsonseque and all these symptoms are unrelenting and have been going on for weeks. I'm afraid it's no longer WD and there is really something wrong wiht me....Please someone help and tell me this is normal. This is 10 times worse than acute was....How is that even possible?

[[Co...]]

That's exactly what happened to me. I was feeling pretty good and then bam! I'm 15 months out as I'm sure u have read my posts. I don't know why it happens but it does. Two weeks later I'm finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. That was the closest I have even come to suicide and taking a had full of valium. It was also the worst I have ever felt since jumping. I hope u pull through soon, just hang in there. Did the rescue dose help?

[Guest [Or...]]

I'm in the same boat as you. Did the rescue dose do anything for you? If it did, that's your proof its withdrawal.

[[Cr...]]

I saw a psychiatrist today. He bought the diagnosis of a post acute withdrawal syndrome but began suggesting pills that will help. I'm so confused. The one I am okay with and that is Remeron for sleep, I've heard lots of good things and almost no issues with ppl stopping it. The second is Gabapentin which I know is used for WD but I'm scared of it cause I heard it can have almost the same WD and benzos and it may effect gaba...the last one I am really afraid to go on is an SSRI, even though he says its meant to be low dose for short term just to get me further away and more stable from the benzo. I'm so confused as to what to do. I can't tolerate another wave like the one I'm supposing I just had and need some relief, but I'm afraid I could be just making it worse or creating new problems. Any thoughts?

[Guest [Or...]]

Well...gabapentin can be used as needed. So you could only take it when you feel you're gonna lose it. An SSRI can have a long discontinuation syndrome. May be something you would have to take for life. It would also increase your anxiety for about a week. Talk to Brooke if you wanna know morr about SSRIs. And Remeron I've heard way more good things then bad.

 

How long have you been in this wave for?

[[Cr...]]

Going on three weeks. It just keeps getting worse. I'm 6 months out and have never had a wave, everything has been on point, diet and everything....My body is just burning and feels like I'm being twisted up. And then the shaking and pulsating and rocking starts....How is this even possible, I'm so dizzy and off balance....feels like I''m slanting to the right. Having trouble moving body parts. Tinnitus is insane and rapidly changing pitches.

[Guest [Or...]]

You're gonna make it. This is probably it for you. Just hang on.

[[al...]]

You're in a bad wave.... It happens. It's happened to me many times. You gotta ride it out. I know that sucks to hear , but it's the only way. That's great that your pdoc agrees it's PAWS but don't let him push any psych drugs on you... Your brain is trying to heal, you will make it a lot tougher with more psych drugs altering the neurotransmitters in your brain... It's like throwing gasoline onto a fire. I know it hurts like hell , but you gotta ride it out.. I know every second of the suffering feels like it will never end but it will. Give your brain time to heal without being encumbered with more psych drugs.  It's gonna be ok

[[ci...]]

crazypants, you are in a wave. I have some of the same sxs, vibrations, intense body burning pain, tinnitus, anxiety, panic. I was on gabapentin for 8 months, prescribed for the neuropahic (intense body burning) pain. I took 1200mg for 2.5 months and then tapered off over 6 months. The gaba did not decrease my neuropathic pain, it did help me sleep, it makes you groggy.I had side effects of swollen feet and hands, and my teeth are discolored, stained, and it caused tooth decay (cavities).

Some do benefit from gaba, I did not. I do understand how bad that burning pain can be, and you may be able to get some relief from the gaba. If you decide to try it. But it can not be taken on a prn basis or as needed. It is not effective that way. And you may have interdose WDs if taking it sproadically. Tough decision.

 

Just remember time will heal you. And this wave will pass.

 

 

[[Co...]]

The burning is one of my worst sx too. It alternatives with just intense burning to burning and freezing cold skin. Almost feels like I rubbed icy hot all over me. It's hell! Add constant panic, tinnitus, adrenaline surges, dr, confusion, weakness, shakes, insomnia, crazy thoughts, suicidal ideation and you can really have a good time lol!

 

Seriously this really sucks and I hope u feel better soon cp. I'm in the same mess you are.

[[Lo...]]

if i were you i would stay off all drugs and just get through these waves we are gonna have. i know its hard and i have thought many many times (may still think it sometimes) that i may just be better off on all these drugs but in the long run its untrue. this won't last forever but if you get back on all those drugs you will have to go through all this again. might as well go through all this now than later. right?i think you are doing this healing thing right when you are eating right exercising etc. keep doing what your doing. you will heal in the long run. you can do it man. stay off these damn drugs eh. i def get the struggle. drink lots of water and maybe try out a probiotic. introduce good bacteria into your gut... try something natural instead of something synthetic. meditate and stretch your body out. you can get through this!! go get a doctor check up just incase it is something else. go to a naturopathic doc.get a saliva test done.  sometimes i like to change up my environment. that helps a little. f*#k drugs. they don't work in the long run.

[Guest [ba...]]

I used gabapentin, and didn't have much difficulty getting off of it.  It definitely helped me to sleep better (I usually took 300 mg at night).  It maybe helped to calm me a bit and maybe helped with some pain.  There are a few people who have had difficulty getting off of it, but I think it's not very common.  Gabapentin also ends up affecting GABAA, but in a different way than benzos.  Some believe that's a reason to stay away from it (and all compounds, natural and synthetic that knowingly affect GABAA).  I viewed gabapentin as a step in the right direction.  I c/t'd it three months after c/t-ing Ativan. 

 

LWTF makes an interesting point about staying away from everything synthetic.  I eventually came to that realization (around month 7).  I'm not sure that I could have done it during my first few months after c/t-ing.

[[Cr...]]

My general principle was to stay away from everything synthetic, and I was, but when this wave came it stopped my ability to do all the natural things I was suspecting I was getting relief from....

 

I can barely walk anymore, I can't see right (my eyes jump all over the place and are distorted and I am so weak its hard to even control my fingers to type this, I keep making errors. My brain is malfunctioning and cloudy and the pain shaking and insomnia is breaking me. I had to do something.

 

I'm not getting much relief from any of these meds, but last night the remeron definitely helped me sleep, which I am grateful for. I don't look at these meds as being an answer, just a brief crutch to carry me to a better point where I am strong enough to fight through.

 

I'm really beginning to think this may not be WD though, my body systems all seem to be under attack all at once and a lot of these things I have never experienced before. Scared.

[[Lo...]]

are you drinking plenty of water. I'm not saying that will cure all the symptoms but it will sure help. are these all new symptoms from the last 3 weeks?  i have heard  things get really bad and then they start seeing good solid healing. i hope its that for you!  if your symptoms are freaking you out maybe make an appt. with the doc. get some blood work or something just so you can have some peace of mind. I'm so sorry you are going through this. hang in there. i hate this crazy process. i couldnt even leave my house until about 9 months deep and still struggling. this has been rough. I'm so ready to be done with all of this. big hug to ya.

[[Cr...]]

I drink as much water as i can keep down...my stomach is really bad too, always sick feeling...I was in the ER a couple days ago and they swear I'm perfectly healthy. I take some basic supplements like fish oil and a multivitamin and eat extremely clean....I was lifting weights and exercising but since this happened like I said, I can barely walk around the house or use my arms. Its really scary. I hope this is healing. I'm just having a lot of trouble believing it is. My body is so weak and out of control. It wasn't just a couple weeks ago, it never was...and I'm just a 30 year old male, my vitality should be through the roof. I can hardly stand.

[[ci...]]

Crazypants, I so understand what you are going thru, I do the same thing everytime I am in a very bad wave, searching for answers or a pill that could help me thru. But if you are able to get some sleep from the remeron, that is a good thing. Not getting sleep amplifies these WDs. As for all these sxs you have, I have about 15 crazy sxs going on (numbness, burning, sqeezing, tightness, pins and needles, heart palps, sweating, tremors, nerve pain, insomnia, tinntitus, back and neck pain, scalp pain, facial numbness, anxiety, crying, eye twitches). I only tell you this because I know it is WD. All medical tests are negative, and I had every test possible.

 

Sometimes, it helps me, not to view myself as sick, even tho I feel like shit, but to always remind myself, it is just WD, I will heal. I read your posts and I can so much identify with your pain and fear, Ijust want to reassure you , it is WD, You will be oK. You will heal.

 

Supportive med during WD may be necessary at times, and I agree with you, a "brief crutch" like remeron for sleep may necessary at times. My own expereince with gaba was for me not beneficial, but at the height of my neuropathic burning pain, I wanted to try to get some relief, so it was worth a try for me, but looking back I wish I did not take it, because there was no benefit for me, but I would of not known that if I did not try it.

 

Wishing you healing, cindy

[[Cr...]]

Thanks for that Cindy. This is all just so extreme and like nothing I have ever felt that my brain just screams this cant all be from that little pill, but with almost everything I look up on this site, someone else has felt it. I'm to the point now where my fear of death is gone, I'm actually hoping for it, either that or a window. I just want this suffering to end.

[[ci...]]

CP, It will end, you will get that window. You are young and i believe that goes in you favor. I will keep checking in on you.

[[Lo...]]

thats good that you got checked out  ...at least you know its withdraw. my advice to you is to soak in a hot bath or take a hot shower. then lay in bed or somewhere comfy and maybe put on a movie. get some water in your system. i know again with the water...lol its so important!!! get through this wave man. it will pass. just take it easy. i wish i had better advice. i wish i could get a new brain and start over. you will feel better!!!

[[Co...]]

A week after this severe acute wave started I went to my liver doctor. He ordered a bunch of blood work and my liver enzymes are all normal now! He said it's probably because I haven't been eating lol! So I have a clean bill of health.

 

So my doc thinks I should take something to help out with my situation. He said remeron but I'm scared to try it. He told me I probably have an underlying chemical imbalance and that's why this happened. He asked if I ever had any of these sx before I took the meds and the only ones were adrenaline surges (only when angry) and insomnia all my life. He said that I probably had a gaba problem all along and the benzos just pushed me over the edge. He's convinced of this with any protracted withdrawal. Also since my dad was an alcoholic it means my brain is probably screwed up ftom that too. Seems like a smart guy and it might be sort of true. Who knows though.

[[Cr...]]

I am not at all telling you what you should or shouldn't do, I'm afraid to take anything, but from all I have gathered low dose remeron is pretty safe and definitely worked to knock me out last night....they say it also may have slight antidepressant properties. The worst side effect is it can make you hungry and gain weight lol...and the most common effect from coming off seems to be insomnia....but if im healed when I come off. Insomnia wouldn't be too bothersome lol

[[ci...]]

cool, put your rational mind on now......do you really want to buy into the "chemical imbalance" theory at this point in your recovery?

 

I love you cool, you have been here for me since day one.....so hope you do not mind be being a little frank with you?

 

Always, cindy

[[Cr...]]

Technically this is a chemical imbalance....but it is a chemically induced chemical imbalance lol....Glutamate running wild while poor little GABA is struggling to keep up.

[[Cr...]]

cool, put your rational mind on now......do you really want to buy into the "chemical imbalance" theory at this point in your recovery?

 

I love you cool, you have been here for me since day one.....so hope you do not mind be being a little frank with you?

 

Always, cindy

 

Cindy, just read your signature....are you still on neruotonin? What was your experience? I have just been prescribed and took two doses and feel it may be making things worse but cant be sure...I am really afraid to take it since it effects gaba, even though I have read it effects it differently, I still don't want to be making a wrong decision this far out.

[[ci...]]

CP, to take or not take neurontin is a tough decision to make. I just tapered off of neurontin 10 days ago, after taking 1200mg for 2.5 months and then a 6 month taper off. Neurontin helped me with sleep, it did not help me with the neuropathic burning nerve pain or anxiety. The side effects I had on neurontin were, blood in urine, hands and feet swelled, and teeth decay ( 3 cavities  in 6 months, and never had a cavity for 10 years) and it discolored my teeth. The WDs I had from neurontin are extreme insomnia, excessive night sweating, and increase with neuropathic pain, burning.

 

That said, that is only my expereince, and other BBs (badsocref) and (life4me) benefitted from neurontin. I think they were prescribed it for anxiety at a low dose of 400mg. So why do they want to prescribe neurontin for you...anxiety or sleep or nerve pain? It is FDA approved for nerve pain, but off label doctors prescribe it for anxiety and benzo WDs. Usually just for anxiety doses are prescribed at 300-400mg daily for neuropathic pain at 1200mg plus daily.

 

CP, good luck with your decision, pro and cons to this drug, as with all drugs. There is a gabapentin thread you could view for more info.