My horror story, warning.. pretty extreme!

[[ve...]]

 

It all started when I was mega dosing tyrosine, somehow I figured I was low in dopamine and tyrosine seem to bring my levels up, I was feeling great for some time but occasionally I would have a dip in my energy levels so I kept increasing the dosage, little did I know that tyrosine wasn’t just a precursor to dopamine but also thyroxine (thyroid hormone). I was at work one day feeling really amped and energetic when I started to develop heart palpitations, they were very disconcerting and uncomfortable. After work I decided to hit the gym thinking after I released some energy I would be fine. But what I didn’t realize that was about to happen was the shit storm that followed. After my intense workout my body started shaking, my heart was racing and wasn’t slowing down, anxiety was building up, a huge adrenal storm was brewing, apparently tyrosine gets stored in muscle tissue so the exercise had been a release for more of it to go into my blood stream. In a panicked state I took 5mg valium that I had always carried around with me as I had had anxiety issues in the past. It calmed everything slightly but I was still in a hyper aroused state that was very uncomfortable, I went to the doctor had a bunch of tests done and was told I had a hyperactive thyroid, I begged for some relief and told the doctor I had been taking valium which helped my body settle slightly but I was still in a lot of distress, he prescribed me Ativan with a bunch of repeats and no mention of how to take it, after a few days I found myself taking 3mg in the morning just to get temporary relief which lasted most the day, although id wake up early morning with the same symptoms in a panicked state, after about 2 weeks of this I was a complete mess and I was finding that my body was not responding as well to the medication, over the next 4 weeks I was taking random dosages all over the place popping these pills like candy, because they were short acting I didn’t realize at the time though but my body kept going into heavy withdrawals when the levels dipped in my blood. I started to researched benzo’s and pretty much freaked out! decided to stop cold turkey after aprox 8 weeks of hell, then things got even worse, I started shaking violently at night with hot sweats and my blood pressure and heart rate was uncomfortably high. Ended up calling an ambulance a couple of times, one doctor run an ecg and picked up irregularities in my heart rhythm so I was rushed to hospital, I was discharged after a few hours and told that I was ok.

 

After this incident I went home and a day later was experiencing agonizing pain all over my body it was horrific! I also started to feel disconnected to the world around me, I didn’t realise at the time but my mind was starting to collapse in on itself and I was entering a state of psychosis. I found the Ashton manual online and showed my doctor and we agreed to try and stabilise me on valium and taper off slowly, I started on 20mg and after a week of no sleep, I upped it to 30mg another week of no sleep went by I was very distraught and in indescribable physical and mental pain. By this stage I had entered a deeper state of psychosis, I suddenly became interested in ending my life as it was just too painful to carry on.  I became obsessed with angels and studying the afterlife, One evening I decided I couldn’t go on living for another day, I took a massive overdose of benzodiazepines, aprox 12 1mg ativans, 30 5mg valium’s along with a whole box of phenergan.

 

I laid in bed euphoric and fell asleep with ease.. not expecting to wake up I eventually did and freaked out that my suicide attempt did not work, knowing the repercussions that I would experience from such an overdose I ran out of the house and found the nearest  highway, I hesitantly walked out in front of a two cars resulting in me being knocked around, fortunately they managed to brake hard enough so the impact was not great enough to do any serious damage, from there I was picked up by the cops and taken to the local hospital where I was admitted to a psychiatric ward on the way to the ward I tried to throw myself out of a family members car at 60mph, I had completely lost my mind by this stage and all I was interested in was killing myself, I tried repeatedly to hang myself in the ward I was never transferred to a high dependency unit even though I was in a serious acute state, I was bouncing off the walls and I could barely string a sentence together, I was on a concoction of drugs keeping me alive to try an balance out the physical and psychological effects that the overdose had caused. I spent 2 weeks in this ward and it was absolute hell, my personal hygiene was non-existent no one was looking after the only thing the nurses were doing was feeding me drugs, one minute I was heavily sedated the next minute I couldn’t stop walking round in circles. I was eventually put in a “locked” down ward where I had a federal agent assigned to monitor me to make sure I wasn’t a danger to myself or any one of the staff. At the end of this 2 week period I was so paranoid about what they were doing to me, no one seemed to care I was missing meals not drinking I was heavily dehydrated and absolutely filthy and medication was being handed to me like candy. I decided to do a runner and managed to get past the security doors upon a nurse entering. I ran to the nearest tram and made my way into another part of the city I was familiar with, I then made the decision that there was no way I was going back to that horrid place.

 

I found the local train track and threw myself at a train thinking id end it all, but I didn’t I just sustained major injuries to an arm and foot, I was taken to hospital and had several surgeries to repair the damage with metal plates inserted to realign my broken bones. I was discharged back to a different hospitals high dependency psychiatric ward where I got an infection; I ended back in hospital on IV antibiotics. I was still feeling this deep disconnection with reality an emptiness within, I couldn’t sleep and was very restless I managed to keep my composure though and was eventually discharged from psychiatric care, In this time I had managed to stabilise on 20mg valium, 15mg olanzapine and 50mg sertraline.

 

I came out of hospital still detached from the world and disorientated, I relied heavily on my family members for basic everyday tasks every single day was an emotional struggle, fortunately after about 2 months since the overdose I started to stabilize. I have now been on a proper tapering schedule and am down to just 3mg valium per day and am grateful to have survived and regained my life after such dyer circumstances.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

[[Ba...]]

Wow - what a story!

 

I'm so glad you're still here to tell it. And you've come so far with your tapering. Well done.

 

You will find a lot of support here. I am not the wisest or most experienced of our buddies but please feel free to PM me anytime if you need an ear or some support.

 

Wishing you many windows and hope you write a book when your healed.

 

You have done so well after suffering so much 

[[ve...]]

Thanks the book is in the making 

 

Also just to quickly share what helped me get my benzo dosage down so quickly was the accident believe it or not because I been on work cover I haven't had the stressor of the daily grind. I can be more relaxed, sleep when my bodies actually tired and get up when I'm feeling rejuvenated, I think that's half the battle for lots of people is continuing there lives while tapering, fortunately although not through the best circumstances I been able to put  my life on hold while I taper. I also take bacopa religiously which I think has been an immense help.

 

By the way I'll never probably know the full story of my time under psychiatric care, I suspect some aspects are being held from me by family members.

For anyone who is an expert in psychiatric drugs though maybe they can shed some light on what I may have been taking in the facility too boost my adrenals, it was a strange tab that fizzed slightly on the tongue and within 10minutes I felt this rush in adrenaline, I remember it feeling like some kind of amphetamine.

Also I had someone spray something in the air in my room a couple of times when I was in bed, also in the bathroom that I was using and all other patients were told not to go in there, I remember it making me feel numb and a bit lightheaded.

what do they do to people who don't come out of a severe psychotic state? who are also suffering from amnesia... It was almost like I was being prepped for something.

 

[[ME...]]

Thanks the book is in the making 

 

Also just to quickly share what helped me get my benzo dosage down so quickly was the accident believe it or not because I been on work cover I haven't had the stressor of the daily grind. I can be more relaxed, sleep when my bodies actually tired and get up when I'm feeling rejuvenated, I think that's half the battle for lots of people is continuing there lives while tapering, fortunately although not through the best circumstances I been able to put  my life on hold while I taper. I also take bacopa religiously which I think has been an immense help.

 

By the way I'll never probably know the full story of my time under psychiatric care, I suspect some aspects are being held from me by family members.

For anyone who is an expert in psychiatric drugs though maybe they can shed some light on what I may have been taking in the facility too boost my adrenals, it was a strange tab that fizzed slightly on the tongue and within 10minutes I felt this rush in adrenaline, I remember it feeling like some kind of amphetamine.

Also I had someone spray something in the air in my room a couple of times when I was in bed, also in the bathroom that I was using and all other patients were told not to go in there, I remember it making me feel numb and a bit lightheaded.

what do they do to people who don't come out of a severe psychotic state? who are also suffering from amnesia... It was almost like I was being prepped for something.

 

Hi Vectorhold, I have very limited knowledge about psychotropic drugs.  I just want to ask, what did you feel when you took that strange tab that fizzed slightly on the tongue?  You had tremendous relief?  Sleepy?  Elated?

 

Because I am thinking that there still must be some hope to treat mental/emotional issues by using drugs.  There must be an specific drug for specific problem.  Or there must be a trick how to use drugs, like Paxil (which has severe w/d symptoms).

 

Or maybe after that tragic event in your life, you recommend avoid drugs?

 

 

MEexpat

 

 

 

[[sn...]]

I am so glad that God saw you through and that you are here to bless others.  May God bless you and keep you healthy.

 

Thanks for sharing.  I've had a crazy life on benzos too.  Ativan being the worst.  It's stripped me of my memory and my doctor says its never coming back.  I'm praying that God does restore it because I can't live like this.

 

Love to you,

Deborah

[[ME...]]

Deborah, doctors are also not sure how exactly drugs work in our body or brain.  They could be also wrong that your memory will not be coming back.  I think benzo drugs weakens the "connections" to calm down brain activity. 

 

How come I cannot forget the bad things that happened to me?  It may be because the "connections" or "circuitry" in the area of my brain where the unforgettable memory is stored is solid, because I am was always thinking about it. 

 

There could be a possibility that once your brain healed considerably, the signals will be able to work together again and brings you the old memories again.

 

 

MEexpat

[[sn...]]

I like the way that you said that.  Your very sweet you give me much needed hope!

[[be...]]

I am so glad that God saw you through and that you are here to bless others.  May God bless you and keep you healthy.

 

Thanks for sharing.  I've had a crazy life on benzos too.  Ativan being the worst.  It's stripped me of my memory and my doctor says its never coming back.  I'm praying that God does restore it because I can't live like this.

 

Love to you,

Deborah

 

God always listens. Sometime through the Holy Spirit. But you must be prepared that his answer might be, "No. Not yet."

[[be...]]

 

It all started when I was mega dosing tyrosine, somehow I figured I was low in dopamine and tyrosine seem to bring my levels up, I was feeling great for some time but occasionally I would have a dip in my energy levels so I kept increasing the dosage, little did I know that tyrosine wasn’t just a precursor to dopamine but also thyroxine (thyroid hormone). I was at work one day feeling really amped and energetic when I started to develop heart palpitations, they were very disconcerting and uncomfortable. After work I decided to hit the gym thinking after I released some energy I would be fine. But what I didn’t realize that was about to happen was the shit storm that followed. After my intense workout my body started shaking, my heart was racing and wasn’t slowing down, anxiety was building up, a huge adrenal storm was brewing, apparently tyrosine gets stored in muscle tissue so the exercise had been a release for more of it to go into my blood stream. In a panicked state I took 5mg valium that I had always carried around with me as I had had anxiety issues in the past. It calmed everything slightly but I was still in a hyper aroused state that was very uncomfortable, I went to the doctor had a bunch of tests done and was told I had a hyperactive thyroid, I begged for some relief and told the doctor I had been taking valium which helped my body settle slightly but I was still in a lot of distress, he prescribed me Ativan with a bunch of repeats and no mention of how to take it, after a few days I found myself taking 3mg in the morning just to get temporary relief which lasted most the day, although id wake up early morning with the same symptoms in a panicked state, after about 2 weeks of this I was a complete mess and I was finding that my body was not responding as well to the medication, over the next 4 weeks I was taking random dosages all over the place popping these pills like candy, because they were short acting I didn’t realize at the time though but my body kept going into heavy withdrawals when the levels dipped in my blood. I started to researched benzo’s and pretty much freaked out! decided to stop cold turkey after aprox 8 weeks of hell, then things got even worse, I started shaking violently at night with hot sweats and my blood pressure and heart rate was uncomfortably high. Ended up calling an ambulance a couple of times, one doctor run an ecg and picked up irregularities in my heart rhythm so I was rushed to hospital, I was discharged after a few hours and told that I was ok.

 

After this incident I went home and a day later was experiencing agonizing pain all over my body it was horrific! I also started to feel disconnected to the world around me, I didn’t realise at the time but my mind was starting to collapse in on itself and I was entering a state of psychosis. I found the Ashton manual online and showed my doctor and we agreed to try and stabilise me on valium and taper off slowly, I started on 20mg and after a week of no sleep, I upped it to 30mg another week of no sleep went by I was very distraught and in indescribable physical and mental pain. By this stage I had entered a deeper state of psychosis, I suddenly became interested in ending my life as it was just too painful to carry on.  I became obsessed with angels and studying the afterlife, One evening I decided I couldn’t go on living for another day, I took a massive overdose of benzodiazepines, aprox 12 1mg ativans, 30 5mg valium’s along with a whole box of phenergan.

 

I laid in bed euphoric and fell asleep with ease.. not expecting to wake up I eventually did and freaked out that my suicide attempt did not work, knowing the repercussions that I would experience from such an overdose I ran out of the house and found the nearest  highway, I hesitantly walked out in front of a two cars resulting in me being knocked around, fortunately they managed to brake hard enough so the impact was not great enough to do any serious damage, from there I was picked up by the cops and taken to the local hospital where I was admitted to a psychiatric ward on the way to the ward I tried to throw myself out of a family members car at 60mph, I had completely lost my mind by this stage and all I was interested in was killing myself, I tried repeatedly to hang myself in the ward I was never transferred to a high dependency unit even though I was in a serious acute state, I was bouncing off the walls and I could barely string a sentence together, I was on a concoction of drugs keeping me alive to try an balance out the physical and psychological effects that the overdose had caused. I spent 2 weeks in this ward and it was absolute hell, my personal hygiene was non-existent no one was looking after the only thing the nurses were doing was feeding me drugs, one minute I was heavily sedated the next minute I couldn’t stop walking round in circles. I was eventually put in a “locked” down ward where I had a federal agent assigned to monitor me to make sure I wasn’t a danger to myself or any one of the staff. At the end of this 2 week period I was so paranoid about what they were doing to me, no one seemed to care I was missing meals not drinking I was heavily dehydrated and absolutely filthy and medication was being handed to me like candy. I decided to do a runner and managed to get past the security doors upon a nurse entering. I ran to the nearest tram and made my way into another part of the city I was familiar with, I then made the decision that there was no way I was going back to that horrid place.

 

I found the local train track and threw myself at a train thinking id end it all, but I didn’t I just sustained major injuries to an arm and foot, I was taken to hospital and had several surgeries to repair the damage with metal plates inserted to realign my broken bones. I was discharged back to a different hospitals high dependency psychiatric ward where I got an infection; I ended back in hospital on IV antibiotics. I was still feeling this deep disconnection with reality an emptiness within, I couldn’t sleep and was very restless I managed to keep my composure though and was eventually discharged from psychiatric care, In this time I had managed to stabilise on 20mg valium, 15mg olanzapine and 50mg sertraline.

 

I came out of hospital still detached from the world and disorientated, I relied heavily on my family members for basic everyday tasks every single day was an emotional struggle, fortunately after about 2 months since the overdose I started to stabilize. I have now been on a proper tapering schedule and am down to just 3mg valium per day and am grateful to have survived and regained my life after such dyer circumstances.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

God help you! He did actually, as you didn't die. I don't know what a fizzy pill is but if you feel the need, please PM me. I'd be glad to get it. I really feel for you. Many hugs, Bets

[Guest [Ma...]]

 

It all started when I was mega dosing tyrosine, somehow I figured I was low in dopamine and tyrosine seem to bring my levels up, I was feeling great for some time but occasionally I would have a dip in my energy levels so I kept increasing the dosage, little did I know that tyrosine wasn’t just a precursor to dopamine but also thyroxine (thyroid hormone). I was at work one day feeling really amped and energetic when I started to develop heart palpitations, they were very disconcerting and uncomfortable. After work I decided to hit the gym thinking after I released some energy I would be fine. But what I didn’t realize that was about to happen was the shit storm that followed. After my intense workout my body started shaking, my heart was racing and wasn’t slowing down, anxiety was building up, a huge adrenal storm was brewing, apparently tyrosine gets stored in muscle tissue so the exercise had been a release for more of it to go into my blood stream. In a panicked state I took 5mg valium that I had always carried around with me as I had had anxiety issues in the past. It calmed everything slightly but I was still in a hyper aroused state that was very uncomfortable, I went to the doctor had a bunch of tests done and was told I had a hyperactive thyroid, I begged for some relief and told the doctor I had been taking valium which helped my body settle slightly but I was still in a lot of distress, he prescribed me Ativan with a bunch of repeats and no mention of how to take it, after a few days I found myself taking 3mg in the morning just to get temporary relief which lasted most the day, although id wake up early morning with the same symptoms in a panicked state, after about 2 weeks of this I was a complete mess and I was finding that my body was not responding as well to the medication, over the next 4 weeks I was taking random dosages all over the place popping these pills like candy, because they were short acting I didn’t realize at the time though but my body kept going into heavy withdrawals when the levels dipped in my blood. I started to researched benzo’s and pretty much freaked out! decided to stop cold turkey after aprox 8 weeks of hell, then things got even worse, I started shaking violently at night with hot sweats and my blood pressure and heart rate was uncomfortably high. Ended up calling an ambulance a couple of times, one doctor run an ecg and picked up irregularities in my heart rhythm so I was rushed to hospital, I was discharged after a few hours and told that I was ok.

 

After this incident I went home and a day later was experiencing agonizing pain all over my body it was horrific! I also started to feel disconnected to the world around me, I didn’t realise at the time but my mind was starting to collapse in on itself and I was entering a state of psychosis. I found the Ashton manual online and showed my doctor and we agreed to try and stabilise me on valium and taper off slowly, I started on 20mg and after a week of no sleep, I upped it to 30mg another week of no sleep went by I was very distraught and in indescribable physical and mental pain. By this stage I had entered a deeper state of psychosis, I suddenly became interested in ending my life as it was just too painful to carry on.  I became obsessed with angels and studying the afterlife, One evening I decided I couldn’t go on living for another day, I took a massive overdose of benzodiazepines, aprox 12 1mg ativans, 30 5mg valium’s along with a whole box of phenergan.

 

I laid in bed euphoric and fell asleep with ease.. not expecting to wake up I eventually did and freaked out that my suicide attempt did not work, knowing the repercussions that I would experience from such an overdose I ran out of the house and found the nearest  highway, I hesitantly walked out in front of a two cars resulting in me being knocked around, fortunately they managed to brake hard enough so the impact was not great enough to do any serious damage, from there I was picked up by the cops and taken to the local hospital where I was admitted to a psychiatric ward on the way to the ward I tried to throw myself out of a family members car at 60mph, I had completely lost my mind by this stage and all I was interested in was killing myself, I tried repeatedly to hang myself in the ward I was never transferred to a high dependency unit even though I was in a serious acute state, I was bouncing off the walls and I could barely string a sentence together, I was on a concoction of drugs keeping me alive to try an balance out the physical and psychological effects that the overdose had caused. I spent 2 weeks in this ward and it was absolute hell, my personal hygiene was non-existent no one was looking after the only thing the nurses were doing was feeding me drugs, one minute I was heavily sedated the next minute I couldn’t stop walking round in circles. I was eventually put in a “locked” down ward where I had a federal agent assigned to monitor me to make sure I wasn’t a danger to myself or any one of the staff. At the end of this 2 week period I was so paranoid about what they were doing to me, no one seemed to care I was missing meals not drinking I was heavily dehydrated and absolutely filthy and medication was being handed to me like candy. I decided to do a runner and managed to get past the security doors upon a nurse entering. I ran to the nearest tram and made my way into another part of the city I was familiar with, I then made the decision that there was no way I was going back to that horrid place.

 

I found the local train track and threw myself at a train thinking id end it all, but I didn’t I just sustained major injuries to an arm and foot, I was taken to hospital and had several surgeries to repair the damage with metal plates inserted to realign my broken bones. I was discharged back to a different hospitals high dependency psychiatric ward where I got an infection; I ended back in hospital on IV antibiotics. I was still feeling this deep disconnection with reality an emptiness within, I couldn’t sleep and was very restless I managed to keep my composure though and was eventually discharged from psychiatric care, In this time I had managed to stabilise on 20mg valium, 15mg olanzapine and 50mg sertraline.

 

I came out of hospital still detached from the world and disorientated, I relied heavily on my family members for basic everyday tasks every single day was an emotional struggle, fortunately after about 2 months since the overdose I started to stabilize. I have now been on a proper tapering schedule and am down to just 3mg valium per day and am grateful to have survived and regained my life after such dyer circumstances.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

Dear God...It sounds like you surely have been to hell and back....what a powerful story and can t tell you how sorry I am for your pain...it s heartbreaking.... but good news is you are Back!....you have been to the pit and now there is only one way to go and that is up up up....stay tuned in for lots of support...you are safe here...and you will heal....I will put you on the prayer list with your permission BB...

[[be...]]

 

It all started when I was mega dosing tyrosine, somehow I figured I was low in dopamine and tyrosine seem to bring my levels up, I was feeling great for some time but occasionally I would have a dip in my energy levels so I kept increasing the dosage, little did I know that tyrosine wasn’t just a precursor to dopamine but also thyroxine (thyroid hormone). I was at work one day feeling really amped and energetic when I started to develop heart palpitations, they were very disconcerting and uncomfortable. After work I decided to hit the gym thinking after I released some energy I would be fine. But what I didn’t realize that was about to happen was the shit storm that followed. After my intense workout my body started shaking, my heart was racing and wasn’t slowing down, anxiety was building up, a huge adrenal storm was brewing, apparently tyrosine gets stored in muscle tissue so the exercise had been a release for more of it to go into my blood stream. In a panicked state I took 5mg valium that I had always carried around with me as I had had anxiety issues in the past. It calmed everything slightly but I was still in a hyper aroused state that was very uncomfortable, I went to the doctor had a bunch of tests done and was told I had a hyperactive thyroid, I begged for some relief and told the doctor I had been taking valium which helped my body settle slightly but I was still in a lot of distress, he prescribed me Ativan with a bunch of repeats and no mention of how to take it, after a few days I found myself taking 3mg in the morning just to get temporary relief which lasted most the day, although id wake up early morning with the same symptoms in a panicked state, after about 2 weeks of this I was a complete mess and I was finding that my body was not responding as well to the medication, over the next 4 weeks I was taking random dosages all over the place popping these pills like candy, because they were short acting I didn’t realize at the time though but my body kept going into heavy withdrawals when the levels dipped in my blood. I started to researched benzo’s and pretty much freaked out! decided to stop cold turkey after aprox 8 weeks of hell, then things got even worse, I started shaking violently at night with hot sweats and my blood pressure and heart rate was uncomfortably high. Ended up calling an ambulance a couple of times, one doctor run an ecg and picked up irregularities in my heart rhythm so I was rushed to hospital, I was discharged after a few hours and told that I was ok.

 

After this incident I went home and a day later was experiencing agonizing pain all over my body it was horrific! I also started to feel disconnected to the world around me, I didn’t realise at the time but my mind was starting to collapse in on itself and I was entering a state of psychosis. I found the Ashton manual online and showed my doctor and we agreed to try and stabilise me on valium and taper off slowly, I started on 20mg and after a week of no sleep, I upped it to 30mg another week of no sleep went by I was very distraught and in indescribable physical and mental pain. By this stage I had entered a deeper state of psychosis, I suddenly became interested in ending my life as it was just too painful to carry on.  I became obsessed with angels and studying the afterlife, One evening I decided I couldn’t go on living for another day, I took a massive overdose of benzodiazepines, aprox 12 1mg ativans, 30 5mg valium’s along with a whole box of phenergan.

 

I laid in bed euphoric and fell asleep with ease.. not expecting to wake up I eventually did and freaked out that my suicide attempt did not work, knowing the repercussions that I would experience from such an overdose I ran out of the house and found the nearest  highway, I hesitantly walked out in front of a two cars resulting in me being knocked around, fortunately they managed to brake hard enough so the impact was not great enough to do any serious damage, from there I was picked up by the cops and taken to the local hospital where I was admitted to a psychiatric ward on the way to the ward I tried to throw myself out of a family members car at 60mph, I had completely lost my mind by this stage and all I was interested in was killing myself, I tried repeatedly to hang myself in the ward I was never transferred to a high dependency unit even though I was in a serious acute state, I was bouncing off the walls and I could barely string a sentence together, I was on a concoction of drugs keeping me alive to try an balance out the physical and psychological effects that the overdose had caused. I spent 2 weeks in this ward and it was absolute hell, my personal hygiene was non-existent no one was looking after the only thing the nurses were doing was feeding me drugs, one minute I was heavily sedated the next minute I couldn’t stop walking round in circles. I was eventually put in a “locked” down ward where I had a federal agent assigned to monitor me to make sure I wasn’t a danger to myself or any one of the staff. At the end of this 2 week period I was so paranoid about what they were doing to me, no one seemed to care I was missing meals not drinking I was heavily dehydrated and absolutely filthy and medication was being handed to me like candy. I decided to do a runner and managed to get past the security doors upon a nurse entering. I ran to the nearest tram and made my way into another part of the city I was familiar with, I then made the decision that there was no way I was going back to that horrid place.

 

I found the local train track and threw myself at a train thinking id end it all, but I didn’t I just sustained major injuries to an arm and foot, I was taken to hospital and had several surgeries to repair the damage with metal plates inserted to realign my broken bones. I was discharged back to a different hospitals high dependency psychiatric ward where I got an infection; I ended back in hospital on IV antibiotics. I was still feeling this deep disconnection with reality an emptiness within, I couldn’t sleep and was very restless I managed to keep my composure though and was eventually discharged from psychiatric care, In this time I had managed to stabilise on 20mg valium, 15mg olanzapine and 50mg sertraline.

 

I came out of hospital still detached from the world and disorientated, I relied heavily on my family members for basic everyday tasks every single day was an emotional struggle, fortunately after about 2 months since the overdose I started to stabilize. I have now been on a proper tapering schedule and am down to just 3mg valium per day and am grateful to have survived and regained my life after such dyer circumstances.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

Thank you for sharing your pain. I am so glad that you are here today and that you have regained your life. I, too, had failed suicide attempt and over a dozen psychiatric stays over three cold turkey withdrawal. Twice I was taken in shackles with chains around my legs, waist and hands.  Each time there were crowds of people watching, including children. It has been a year this week since my last and final cold turkey withdrawal. I, too, have regained my life. I am 100 percent healed. I shudder at the thoughts of my past behavior. I am so glad those attempts failed because there is life after benzodiazepine use and withdrawal, and the life out there is a really good one. I am so glad you made it.