Insanity

[[gi...]]

I have gone insane, hearing music but the radio is off. Cant sleep till 3am so I tried some melatonin and the next day I am a piece of crap. This is pure hell, so mad all day. The pain is intolerable, my ears/tmj joints hurt so bad and I am still shaking. Might go to an intensive outpatient center program, but what can they do? Thinking about applying for disability, cant work right now at all now.

[[me...]]

Hi gibson11, I'm so sorry you're going through all this now.  But believe it or not, these are all common withdrawal symptoms that many of us experience.  I did, and I can tell you that as bad as they are, these things will go away in time.  These things all stem from a temporary sensory hyper-sensitivity which can continue for awhile while your CNS recovers.  The following is a partial list of symptoms from The Ashton Manual, Section III:

 

 

Sensory hypersensitivity. A characteristic feature of benzodiazepine withdrawal is a heightened sensitivity to all sensations - hearing, sight, touch, taste and smell. When extreme, these sensations can be disturbing. One lady had to stop all the clocks in the house because their ticking sounded unbearably loud; many have had to don dark glasses because ordinary light seemed dazzlingly bright. Some find that the skin and scalp becomes so sensitive that it feels as if insects are crawling over them. Heartbeats become audible and there may be a hissing or ringing sound in the ears (tinnitus - see below). Many people complain of a metallic taste in the mouth and several notice strange, unpleasant, smells which seem to emanate from the body. These sensations, including an unpleasant smell (which usually no-one else can detect) have been described in anxiety states in the absence of benzodiazepines. Like insomnia and panics, they are probably reflections of heightened activity in the central nervous system. Such hypervigilance is part of the normal fear and flight response which is damped down by benzodiazepines but undergoes a rebound during withdrawal.

 

These sensations return towards normal as withdrawal progresses, and some people are pleased with the new, seemingly extraordinary, clarity of their perceptions. Only in withdrawal do they realise how much their senses have been obscured by benzodiazepines. One lady described how thrilled she was when she could suddenly see individual blades of grass in her newly bright green lawn; it was like the lifting of a veil. Thus, these sensations need not give rise to fear; they can be viewed as signs of recovery.

 

Depersonalisation, derealisation. Feelings of depersonalisation and of unreality are associated with benzodiazepine withdrawal, although they also occur in anxiety states. They occur most often during over-rapid withdrawal from potent benzodiazepines and are, anecdotally, particularly marked on withdrawal from clonazepam (Klonopin). In these states, the person seems detached from his body and seems almost to be observing it from the outside. Similar experiences are described in near-death states when the individual feels that he is hovering above his body, detached from the events occurring below. They are also described by people involved in extreme emergencies and in individuals subjected to torture. They are clearly not specific to benzodiazepines.

 

Such experiences probably represent a normal defensive reaction evolved as a protection against intolerable suffering. They may involve a primitive brain mechanism similar to the "freezing" of some animals when presented with an inescapable danger. Like other benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms, these feelings resolve in time and should not be interpreted as abnormal or crazy.

 

Hallucinations, illusions, perceptual distortions. The benzodiazepine withdrawal symptom that raises most fear of going mad is hallucination. Terrifying hallucinations have occurred in people undergoing rapid or abrupt withdrawal from high doses, but the reader can be reassured that they are exceedingly rare with slow dosage tapering as outlined in Chapter II. If hallucinations occur, they are usually visual - patients have described hallucinations of a large bat sitting on the shoulder, or the appearance of horns sprouting from a human head - but auditory, olfactory and tactile hallucinations can also occur. Somewhat less frightening are hallucinations of small creatures, usually insects, which may be associated with the sensations of insects crawling on the skin (similar hallucinations occur in cocaine and amphetamine withdrawal). Sometimes hallucinations merge with illusions and misperceptions. For example, a coat hanging on the door may give the illusion of being a person. Floors apparently tilting and walls that seem to slope inwards are perceptual distortions.

 

The mechanisms of these bizarre symptoms are probably similar to those which cause delirium tremens (hallucinations, classically of pink elephants or rats, in the "DTs" of alcohol withdrawal). As mentioned in Chapter I, benzodiazepines cause profound perturbations throughout the brain, and abrupt withdrawal may be accompanied by uncontrolled release of dopamine, serotonin and other neurotransmitters which cause hallucinations in psychotic disorders as well as in alcohol withdrawal and cocaine, amphetamine and LSD abuse.

 

Once the hallucinations, which seem real at the time, are recognised as "merely" hallucinations, they quickly become less alarming. They do not herald the onset of madness; they are simply instances of benzodiazepines playing tricks on the brain which will right itself in time. A good mentor can usually reassure and "talk down" a person suffering from benzodiazepine withdrawal-induced hallucinations. In any case they should not worry anyone undergoing slow withdrawal.

 

Here's the link to the full list of symptoms: 

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.htm#4

 

 

[[13...]]

Gibson,

I would stay away from Melatonin. I tried a few herbal remedies for sleep during my initial c/t a couple of times, and ALWAYS felt worse. I just didn't go there. I had incredible insomnia-averaging 12-14 hrs or so a week for a few weeks -that is about 1 1/2 hrs  a night...it made my sx worse because even a normal person would go insane. Sleep is a big challenge for a lot of people. It took me about 6 months to sleep properly.  You're not going insane. I can only say w/d is INSANE and it takes an INSANE amount of time. I'm over 1 year and probably only 1/2 way there. Still quite excruciating:(  I just hold on because everyone said it would get better.

If you live near a Teavana or can order this tea: PLEASE DO! It was a life-saver. It doesn't have ANY Valerian or melatonin. It is just camomile, hibiscus,lemon grass with some other properties.  It is called TRANQUIL DREAM! REALLY good stuff!

It really helped me. I still take it. Now that I'm not in acute w/d it literally knocks me out:) Give it a try. Make it potent.

Hang in there Gibson! I know it is horrible, boy do I!

I'm still in a lot of discomfort, but not so out of it like just a few weeks ago. Sx can improve more quickly than we anticipate or take longer...just have to try and hold on.

Try a walk. Deep breathing. Getting outside helped me. Fresh air...Try and FLOOD your sensory brain -it has a difficult time fixating on symptoms when its bombarded. I do as much distraction as possible.  HUGS, okay! I know it's terrible.  

[[gi...]]

Thanks for the advice, so sweet of you. I will try the tea, was taking Hydroxazine but ran out. Today is big crying day, water works, so unmotivated to leave the house. I have no purpose right now, first time in 30 years I am not playing in a band. It is a time of reflection for sure, want to write a book.

[[sl...]]

Gibson-

I have to have to agree with 1314next... Melatonin exasperated my insomnia and overall feeling of not being in control, as did many other herbal supplements. I agree with everything 1314next says...good advice.

I also love to walk and find that I feel wonderful when I do. I too highly recommend a good walk outdoors as soon as you can manage it.

 

...next- Thanks for the tea recommendation. I'm going to try the Tanquil Dream from Teavana today! I hope it works for me too.

 

We are not going insane.

Be well.

 

 

 

[Guest [Mo...]]

Gib, I've been taking melatonin since my Opiate C/T a month before K, 6.5 months, taken it for years, it's not affecting me at all.  Want to ask are you still drinking those 2 beers a night?  They are down regulating your dopamine, and messing with your healing.  I drank one early on and it messed me up for weeks.

 

MG

[[be...]]

Gib, I've been taking melatonin since my Opiate C/T a month before K, 6.5 months, taken it for years, it's not affecting me at all.  Want to ask are you still drinking those 2 beers a night?  They are down regulating your dopamine, and messing with your healing.  I drank one early on and it messed me up for weeks.

 

MG

 

I personally think alcohol of any sort will set you back. I think your brain becomes permanently sensitized to any GABA drugs.

[[13...]]

stay away from alcohol! It works on the SAME receptors as Benzo's did. It effects the same part of the Brain. In most literature about 'drugs,' Benzos and alcohol are looped together.

It will for sure make everything worse! I don't want you to needlessly suffer if you're drinking alcohol..

[[gi...]]

After 9 months i cant have 2 beers? got to live some here, that's my carrot in the evenings. Now I am really depressed.

[[sl...]]

Gibson- My body/ brain cannot handle any alcohol. I don't know if I'll ever be able to have a glass of wine again, but I have bigger concerns.

I wish there was a speedy way to get through this, but it appears to be a very long and  slow process. Hang in there. Every day, you are one day closer to being whole again.

 

Did try the Tranquil Dream! and l like it very much. It would also make a really refreshing iced tea. Thanks for the suggestion "...next."

 

Oh yeah... when I was purchasing a small amount of the Tranquil Dream!, the man at Teavana said to me, "...not as good as a pill, but will help you relax."

Argh!!! I must look wired.

 

Be Well.

 

 

[[gi...]]

Had some trader Joe camomile tea last night, yucky taste but it helped me sleep finally. Today i will get some tranquil dream tea and see what happens. This depression is killing me, guess i need a gratitude list and a vacation from all of this.

[Guest [Or...]]

Dunno if you've read my posts recently Gibson but I'm right there with you. Insane out of my mind!! Omg.

[Guest [...]]

I think it's fairly common for people to hear music.

Or things looping in their head.

Have you read Parker's post about what's happening in your brain?

She also describes the music going on and WHY.

Here is a link to it, if you haven't read and would,like to

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.msg886973#msg886973

[Guest [Mo...]]

Gib, I have the music in my brain when I wake up early too, it's not every day but many.  I can't remember words on a normal day, but waking up I can't get it out of my head, no matter how hard I try, and know every word to every song, 

 

On the beer if you are hurting that bad, why would you want to prolong the agony?  We are fighting to get our dopamine back up, why would you want to slow down your progress?  It's most likely the reason you are struggling.  I'm almost 6 months off and doing fairly well.  I'm 75% better than I was, and pray I'm healed by 9 months off.  I was poly-drugged and floxing last spring badly.  I was so sick I couldn't walk more than to the bathroom and back.  Now I'm cooking, cleaning, getting out.  It depends on how long you want this to last.  The beer can set you back many months or maybe a year or longer.  Your choice.

 

MG

[[gi...]]

Guess I have a drinking problem now, damn. Freezing cold today and shaking bad. Gonna quit the beer thing, your right, its not worth it. I hear faint new age music in my head, strings going on, but its a nice melody.