I got screwed

[[sa...]]

Now realize cipro set me up for rapid dependence. Hard to be grateful when you feel like a med interaction did this to you. Feel cursed.

[[be...]]

is this a new round of cipro or a previous one you took months ago?

[[sa...]]

No a past one that set me up. I can't believe I ever took a benzo again.

[[be...]]

I did the same as you. After a horrible withdrawal two years ago, I got on them again not once but twice. We can't beat ourselves up about the past. There is nothing we can do to change what we did. I lost pretty much everything in my life because of my benzodiazepine use. I lost friends, my career, big pay checks, my health, a beautiful brand new red corvette, my home on the golf course , my excellent credit rating and a zillion other things. These are things I will never get back. Dwelling on my losses would have greatly hindered my healing. I would never be where I am today, and that is 100 percent healed. And you know what a horrific early withdrawal that I went through. I now live in an apartment (which I am grateful my best friend pays for), I collect disability as a result of an injury from a suicide attempt done after my first cold turkey detox. I drive a 2004 Chevy Cavalier with numerous sodas spilled on the seats,  I have a night time job cleaning offices. The majority of friendships I lost I can never get back. The damaged I caused  because of my behavior was too much. Just writing this was hard because for a moment I had to think of everything I lost. I can't say that the losses don't hurt because they do one the rare occasion that I allow them to. My life has little if any resemblance  to my prior life, but that is ok. The way I look at it I had two choices. One, to live in misery the rest of my life swallowed up by my losses or accept them. I chose the second. It was far easier. What a burden the first choice would have been because I can get so consumed in things if I want to. I think I like the new look of my life. I really do...... I honestly have never been happier in my whole life and I mean truly happy. I love my job and I love my crappy car, i love my 1919 apartment. It is downtown in a busy city with the capitol just blocks from my door. And one of my very best best friends I met in the psych ward two years ago. I have so much to be "grateful" about...so very much. What are the positives in your life right now?

 

I forgot. I lost the love of my life, but given that I forgot all about him when listing my loses I guess he wasn't the love of my life. I made myself laugh!

 

 

[[sa...]]

Thanks for sharing your story. Hard to be grateful because I barely took the klonopin before I got dependent. Then bad advice updosed.

[[Ga...]]

benzos r cruel

 

youre amazing

 

thx for sharing your story

[[be...]]

benzos r cruel

 

youre amazing

 

thx for sharing your story

 

Thank you. It is the first time I exposed so much of my self on this site. Probably because I focus on the positives.

[[be...]]

Thanks for sharing your story. Hard to be grateful because I barely took the klonopin before I got dependent. Then bad advice updosed.

 

Satch, you need to find away to let go of the ungratefulness you feel because of your short time use. I think it hinders your recovery. Find the positives, no matter how small they are, and latch onto them as tightly as you can.

[[be...]]

benzos r cruel

 

youre amazing

 

thx for sharing your story

 

Thank you. It is the first time I exposed so much of my self on this site. Probably because I focus on the positives.

 

BRC:

 

You brought tears to my eyes :'(.

[[be...]]

benzos r cruel

 

youre amazing

 

thx for sharing your story

 

Thank you. It is the first time I exposed so much of my self on this site. Probably because I focus on the positives.

 

BRC:

 

You brought tears to my eyes :'(.

 

I hope your tears for me are not because of sadness for me, but instead I hope they are tears of happiness that I was able to break on through to the other side of withdrawal.

 

 

[[ja...]]

BRC,

 

Your story does bring hope that no matter what happens or how bad life gets, there will always be happiness in the future.  I frequently get stuck in the doom and gloom of the present, even more so as I go through w/d. 

 

Thank you for showing me that people can be very resilient!

 

Satch,

 

Thank you for posting the thread

 

Eileen

[[be...]]

BRC,

 

Your story does bring hope that no matter what happens or how bad life gets, there will always be happiness in the future.  I frequently get stuck in the doom and gloom of the present, even more so as I go through w/d. 

 

Thank you for showing me that people can be very resilient!

 

Satch,

 

Thank you for posting the thread

 

Eileen

 

You can be just as resilient as well! There is a wonderful life ahead of you.

[[ja...]]

Thank you, BRC

 

I think everyone can have a wonderful life too after w/d   I guess it's just difficult to see any light when you feel very destroyed.  I try to remember this is only temporary, even though temporary feels way to extended.

[[...]]

benzos r cruel

 

youre amazing

 

thx for sharing your story

 

Thank you. It is the first time I exposed so much of my self on this site. Probably because I focus on the positives.

 

BRC:

 

You brought tears to my eyes :'(.

 

Likewise.  Thank you for sharing bRc, you are amazing!  Too bad your remarkable story and encouragement fell so flat with the OP.  Just saying.  But I'm sure many others reading it will be very inspired!

[[co...]]

Thanks BrC-I'm inspired, too.  It often feels as if I'm the only one who has lost everything that was important to me thanks to psych drugs-

 

 

[[Fi...]]

Satch--I recommend Belleruth Naparstek's CDs, particular the one on Anger and Forgiveness.  Obviously this person doesn't know your own personal story and exactly what it is you have to feel so resentful about and who you blame for your current state, but it's a comfort to hear from somebody who understand that people who've been through what we're going through (and all sorts of other things too) are bound to have a lot of anger issues.  Between her CD and some other stuff I've read, I've learned how anger and resentment keep your brain fired up and just get in the way of it being able to heal.  This isn't about how many people you can get to agree that you've been shafted.  Everybody here's been shafted.  People further down the road in their healing are taking the time to try to assure you that you, too, will heal.  If you don't want to take any of it to heart, there's really nothing anybody can say to you that will help.  Sorry.

[[be...]]

Now realize cipro set me up for rapid dependence. Hard to be grateful when you feel like a med interaction did this to you. Feel cursed.

 

Would you be more grateful if you had been on them longer than just "barely"? At some point there has to be acceptance of a situation no matter who or what caused it. I just want you better satch. We all do here, but you need to accept the situation no matter who or what caused it.

[[sa...]]

Thanks. I know I somehow need to find some level of acceptance. It's one of my weaknesses for sure.

[[be...]]

Thanks. I know I somehow need to find some level of acceptance. It's one of my weaknesses for sure.

 

You do. I think this withdrawal is eating you alive because of what happened. Don't let it. Don't let it win satch.

[[be...]]

Thanks BrC-I'm inspired, too.  It often feels as if I'm the only one who has lost everything that was important to me thanks to psych drugs-

 

I am glad my earlier post inspired you. Nope you are not alone by any means.

[[be...]]

I did the same as you. After a horrible withdrawal two years ago, I got on them again not once but twice. We can't beat ourselves up about the past. There is nothing we can do to change what we did. I lost pretty much everything in my life because of my benzodiazepine use. I lost friends, my career, big pay checks, my health, a beautiful brand new red corvette, my home on the golf course , my excellent credit rating and a zillion other things. These are things I will never get back. Dwelling on my losses would have greatly hindered my healing. I would never be where I am today, and that is 100 percent healed. And you know what a horrific early withdrawal that I went through. I now live in an apartment (which I am grateful my best friend pays for), I collect disability as a result of an injury from a suicide attempt done after my first cold turkey detox. I drive a 2004 Chevy Cavalier with numerous sodas spilled on the seats,  I have a night time job cleaning offices. The majority of friendships I lost I can never get back. The damaged I caused  because of my behavior was too much. Just writing this was hard because for a moment I had to think of everything I lost. I can't say that the losses don't hurt because they do one the rare occasion that I allow them to. My life has little if any resemblance  to my prior life, but that is ok. The way I look at it I had two choices. One, to live in misery the rest of my life swallowed up by my losses or accept them. I chose the second. It was far easier. What a burden the first choice would have been because I can get so consumed in things if I want to. I think I like the new look of my life. I really do...... I honestly have never been happier in my whole life and I mean truly happy. I love my job and I love my crappy car, i love my 1919 apartment. It is downtown in a busy city with the capitol just blocks from my door. And one of my very best best friends I met in the psych ward two years ago. I have so much to be "grateful" about...so very much. What are the positives in your life right now?

 

I forgot. I lost the love of my life, but given that I forgot all about him when listing my loses I guess he wasn't the love of my life. I made myself laugh!

 

Satch, are there any positives in your life right now?