Preoccupied with Death?

[[em...]]

Does anyone find themselves preoccupied with the concept of death during withdrawal?

 

First off - I'm not suicidal or thinking of suicide in any way.

 

What I mean is... I just find myself more and more coming back to the philosophy of death and dying.  Wondering if derealization is the soul having one foot on earth and one foot on some other plane of existance.

 

I know that all sounds crazy, but I just find my mind gravitating to that more and more.

[[bi...]]

Yeah I had some really morbid thoughts. They seemed to have left

[[ma...]]

Same here, I'm not suicidal but when I'm anxious, I'm anxious about doing it... Then I constantly think about death of loved ones and how I would cope when I'm in a wave. It's really uncomfortable but it doesn't last, I'm feeling pretty optimistic at the moment, birthday this weekend and seeing Slash next weekend

[[Ro...]]

I have read this is very common.  I had it so bad I HAD to go to the attorney and draw up my trust.  Could not stop thinking about it and felt I had to do it immediately.  I am 64 so ot that odd perhaps but the urgency was.  I have no medical issues except those relating to this.

 

I have also been preoccupied with a life review.  Maybe because I am down and alone so much.  But I have read this is also commn.

 

What this does to our minds.  Wen this is over, I expect I will look back with wonder. 

[[Ca...]]

This is one of my main sx right now. I'm not suicidal by any means. I want to live! But I tink a lot about deadly illnesses or if people I love die. It doesn't help that a few weeks ago a friend committed suicide. That of course hit me hard. I hope this passes soon. It's like withdrawal has taken any negative thought I've ever had & amplified it into a crazy mess.

[[co...]]

It seems to be part of the deal-many of us have had those thoughts.  It's edifying to come to BB when in a window and read what the newbies behind me are going thru; it always amazes me how similar our feelings/thoughts are in spite of how different our specific circumstances are.

 

Suicidal feelings and thoughts/negative life reviews/abject loneliness have been my most severe manifestations of PAWS.  I have often wished for more physical things to deal with...

 

I think it's some sort of evil plan...

[[Lo...]]

I'm feeling the same way you guys. i have never thought about death so much in my life. i think about me dying and how its going to happen. will i have any pain etc.  then ill think about members of my family dying and how will i ever deal with this in life. I've been really worried about my family dying in some freak accident and how i can protect them.  i don't like thinking about this. i know it will happen one day but i keep obsessing about it. the healthy me excepts death and knows its the process of life. i want to feel healthy and normal. oh man the things i sit around and obsess about these past months. I'm sorry you guys are having these thoughts too.. they are not fun.

[[Lo...]]

This is one of my main sx right now. I'm not suicidal by any means. I want to live! But I tink a lot about deadly illnesses or if people I love die. It doesn't help that a few weeks ago a friend committed suicide. That of course hit me hard. I hope this passes soon. It's like withdrawal has taken any negative thought I've ever had & amplified it into a crazy mess.

 

man I'm sorry about your friend...i had a really good friend kill themselves the first month i quit pills.  i was worthless to the family. my stepdad died too. i felt so selfish to have gone through what i was going through and not able to help other people that were suffering with these deaths.... i have so much guilt. all i can do is just make up for it now that I'm not in the depths of withdrawals anymore. i need to be there for my mom... :mybuddy:keep your head up hun. big hug.

[[Ca...]]

Thank you for your kind words, longwalk. I understand your guilt. I have the same in many areas. Not being who others need me to be. Trying my best but it's still tough. I've been trying to keep it together through this but it's been hard. Everywhere I turn im seeing death & sickness- I just want to crawl into a hole.

[[Lo...]]

Thank you for your kind words, longwalk. I understand your guilt. I have the same in many areas. Not being who others need me to be. Trying my best but it's still tough. I've been trying to keep it together through this but it's been hard. Everywhere I turn im seeing death & sickness- I just want to crawl into a hole.

 

i feel ya completely....we will all get there. be easy on yourself. it has to get better.

[[em...]]

Wow... thank you guys.  It is so weird that this is a symptom.  I wonder if it's a chemical thing triggering these thoughts or just the journey of going through such crap? Either way I feel like I'm going to come out a philosopher on the other side of this.

[[co...]]

I'm sorry, Cad, that the chemical part ran into reality.  Like living a nightmare, huh?  Time is the answer in both cases.  Hope we all feel better soon.

[[Ca...]]

Thank you cookie. Sometimes I just can't believe this is happening. It really does feel like an awful dream. Time truly is the only answer. It's just so hard to do what you have to do to hold life together while healing.

[[br...]]

I have never feared death as much as I did after my first 4 weeks on kpin.  Post withdrawal has had its ups and downs, but I am certainly scared all the time now.  Never was before.

[[pr...]]

I wonder if it's a chemical thing triggering these thoughts or just the journey of going through such crap? Either way I feel like I'm going to come out a philosopher on the other side of this.

 

i definitely think it's chemical and part of the derealization symptom. i still think about it and wonder if i will feel peace and know my way around and run into nice souls and spirits? and i'm worried about it. especially since i have a lot of out of body experiences and i know for a fact that we have a second body that can leave at anytime. that astral body. i love leaving my physical body because it's so painful in here still. but i do think it's mostly chemical and things will balance out again -- the way we use to think about it. and not obsess so much.

[[Ri...]]

Emotions - I think it is happening because in wd we feel like we are dying - and I think this happens because we are blocked by the process of wd from feeling our complete self. There are different ways to describe this - you mentioned the soul, and I think that is part of it. I think we are cut off from feeling our soul and this illusion of separation feels like dying.

 

We are not really separated from our soul, it just feels like it. This was one of the worst symptoms for me. I felt abandoned by the Universe and all alone, isolated. I felt like the walking dead. Many people in benzo recovery have this, and I believe that this is a spiritual crisis that is triggered by the physiological dynamics of the wd. We are temporarily disconnected from feeling all of  our spirit - that part of us that is more than our biology - the animating force that is our consciousness - who we are.

 

As you progress in your recovery, you will reconnect with your complete self and with your place in the universe. It WILL happen, and you WILL get your life back.

 

Your challenge is to hold on until your nerves regenerate and regain their normal function.

 

I was really, really bad, and now I can feel my place in reality again - and you are next.

 

 

 

River 

[[Lo...]]

I wonder if it's a chemical thing triggering these thoughts or just the journey of going through such crap? Either way I feel like I'm going to come out a philosopher on the other side of this.

 

i definitely think it's chemical and part of the derealization symptom. i still think about it and wonder if i will feel peace and know my way around and run into nice souls and spirits? and i'm worried about it. especially since i have a lot of out of body experiences and i know for a fact that we have a second body that can leave at anytime. that astral body. i love leaving my physical body because it's so painful in here still. but i do think it's mostly chemical and things will balance out again -- the way we use to think about it. and not obsess so much.

 

can you astral project when going through this experience?  I'm asking because i used to have a ton of.....i guess lets just call them psychic things happen to me. now i don't have anything happen. i just can't connect.

[[Dr...]]

Yes, I am preoccupied with death. At first it frightened the hell out of me. And I began to say, after anything negative happend..."and then you die"...

I don't know how many times I have said those words. I think about those "close" to me dying. How would I feel?  How would they feel? Would I be sad? Would I accept it as a natural course of events?

I know we are all going to die. I know I am going to die...and have no thoughts. Entering the realm of eternal nothingness. As if we never existed at all. That is what it will be. Nothingness. Forever and ever...amen.

At first this frightened me very much. But now, it leaves me sighing and sorry for all of the different ways I have hurt those who once loved me.

Life is so damn short compared to the infinity of death. I have been wondering just what the point of this life is.   I tell myself that it is to not hurt anybody anymore. Is it too late?  I still don't have an answer. 

[[pr...]]

I wonder if it's a chemical thing triggering these thoughts or just the journey of going through such crap? Either way I feel like I'm going to come out a philosopher on the other side of this.

 

i definitely think it's chemical and part of the derealization symptom. i still think about it and wonder if i will feel peace and know my way around and run into nice souls and spirits? and i'm worried about it. especially since i have a lot of out of body experiences and i know for a fact that we have a second body that can leave at anytime. that astral body. i love leaving my physical body because it's so painful in here still. but i do think it's mostly chemical and things will balance out again -- the way we use to think about it. and not obsess so much.

 

can you astral project when going through this experience?  I'm asking because i used to have a ton of.....i guess lets just call them psychic things happen to me. now i don't have anything happen. i just can't connect.

 

i've been able to astral project for many years. but i couldn't get out for the first 24 months. it was so disheartening because it's always such a beautiful and interesting adventure. so it took me that long and then when i did about 3 months ago, i had 6 out of body experiences in a row and few other just leaving the body and hovering and stretching a little and then going back in. now i am back to having trouble again. i know it has to do with what's going on with my brain. i have a lot of psychic things happen to me to -- you will definitely get all of that back. 

[[ac...]]

Yes, I am preoccupied with death. At first it frightened the hell out of me. And I began to say, after anything negative happend..."and then you die"... I don't know how many times I have said those words. I think about those "close" to me dying. How would I feel?  How would they feel? Would I be sad? Would I accept it as a natural course of events?  I know we are all going to die. I know I am going to die...and have no thoughts. Entering the realm of eternal nothingness. As if we never existed at all. That is what it will be. Nothingness. Forever and ever...amen.  At first this frightened me very much. But now, it leaves me sighing and sorry for all of the different ways I have hurt those who once loved me.  Life is so damn short compared to the infinity of death. I have been wondering just what the point of this life is.   I tell myself that it is to not hurt anybody anymore. Is it too late?  I still don't have an answer. 

  So what's the meaning of life then? Why do I live? After all, every year the wrinkles on your face becomes more and more, and why a person lives, what is the meaning of his life, because no one explained. The meaning of life - is to live and enjoy life, to evolve and improve, evolve soul in order for the higher levels of the universe.

 

Ancient religions of the East argue that the immortal human soul comes into the world countless times, embodied in a particular body and experiencing a new prepared for her inexorable fate karma.

The idea of reincarnation of the soul of every living creature is related to the concept of karma. Karma - it is a living creature acts that cause his next incarnation in a particular body. 

[[Te...]]

Odd, but death doesn't really scare me, anymore...DYING, on the other hand, is a bit of an obsession...how will I die? Painfully(seems likely)? Poorly( like there's a good way)? Mostly, like if I'm dead, I don't have to worry about any of this crap anymore, but those stuck back here do, AND they have my mess to deal with, too...wake up in the morning, and here we go, again. So this is intrusive thought? joy.

[[em...]]

Agreed - death doesn't scare me, but dying does.