Please help, I'm lost

[[Sw...]]

Hello Benzobuddies,

  It has become another night where I have been reduced to tears because I am at a lose of what to do. My mother is 55 years old and heavily addicted to Ativan. She was previously addicted to Oxycotin, but after some pushing my family and I were able to get her to kick the habit. However, it has been nearly a year and a half and she is still taking suboxone (which may be another problem). There have been countless times since my family and I have broken our silence on her excessive use that I have personally tried to talk to her and let my heart bleed before her, but she denies it up and down even when I have solid proof.

  Through calculations at different points, I came to realize that she averages at least 20mg a day and I have known this for quite some time. On top of this amount of Ativan she also has at least 2 drinks a day (wine or beer) and always tries to hide the fact that she is drinking when it is during the afternoon.

  I hardly view her as a mother figure anymore. This concoction of Benzos and alcohol leaves her lifeless. She is either half asleep on the couch or asleep in bed. She has no motivation to do anything except watch t.v. and it is impossible to hold a conversation with her or want to talk to her due the impaired memory side effects. I believe her to be depressed, on top of her regular pessimistic and negative demeanor (she never has anything nice to say). Also, there is a possibility of some sort of somatic disorder.

Nothing that I have ever said to her, nor non of my emotions that come with it (calm, serious, yet sad) have been enough. It is especially hard because my father and sister hardly ever back me up (if I say proposed an intervention) because they don't want to start anything that could cause even more misery for the rest of us.

  She is only 55 and she seems to be dedicated to ruining her life early. I'm at the point where I've tried so many times that I no longer care, but it's hard to continue to not care, I just wish I could so I would stop getting sad and stressed over it.

  Is there anything I can do? Does anyone know of certain types of professionals that could help with not only getting her off Benzos, but also finding the right treatment that suits her and her physical and psychological needs?

Sincerely,

(Concerned) Sweetbit

[[me...]]

Hello Sweetbit.  Welcome to the forum, we're glad you found us!  I'm sorry to hear about your mother.  It is very difficult to try to help someone who doesn't seem willing to help themselves, and my heart goes out to you.  Here are a few links you may find useful:

 

General Taper Plans

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper).

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field.  She describes and explains withdrawal symptoms, and there is also a section with withdrawal/taper schedules.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

 

 

[[Be...]]

Hello Sweet bit-

 

I am so very sorry to hear that your mum is in such  bad way. My heart goes out to you & your family.

 

Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to help those who don't want to help themselves. To make change, first must come willingness & acknowledgement, only then change is possible.

 

Really, we can only control our own thoughts & behaviours. May I suggest that you seek counsel & learn some effective coping skills to deal with your moms self destructive behaviours.

[[sc...]]

Sweetbit I'm so sorry about your mother, it must be awful to have to see her like that,,as been mentioned before we can't change others only ourselves,,as Bella Amis said maybe the best thing for you is to get help for yourself because until she's ready to change you can't make her unfortunately,,I'll keep you both in my prayers,,hugs

[[Ch...]]

Sweetbit, I'm sorry for what you're going through with your mom.  The combination of such a high dose of Ativan with alcohol is potentially life-threatening. 

 

If it were my mother I'd call her doctor and let him know what's going on.  It could save her life. 

 

 

[[ME...]]

Sweetbit, pessimism, desperation, hopelessness.....are all part of benzo drugs, as I have experienced it.  At "effective" dose it gives me relief, as it wane....the negative emotions appear.

 

I can understand your mother, however, she must be the very first person to act to find remedy to her conditions.  Maybe you could talk to her when she is in good mood, but not drunk.  Benzodiazepines could give relief, elation and positive emotion without losing intellectual soundness (except short term memory).  If she is in good mood but intoxicated by wine, all your words and caring will just be waste of time.

 

Expat