RESURGENCE OF PANIC!! 2 weeks off!

[[mo...]]

Damn it!  Damn it, damn it, damn it!! 

 

Not doing so well this morning.  Feeling panicky.  It feels like the right side of my mouth is so tight and I can't swallow.

 

Did anyone else who was originally put on for anxiety, have a resurgence of their panic/anxiety at about 2 weeks off?  I didn't have a panic attack until I was on benzos.  I was taking Clonazepam and tapered down to .031 mg daily before jumping.  I had been feeling more GI symptoms the first week, but that eased off.

 

Now this morning, I am at work and I'm struggling with waves of panic hitting me about every 15 minutes.  I'm recovering from a migraine on Saturday...I dont know if that is still affecting me or not.  I just dont like that the right side of my jaw keeps getting tight and feels like I can't swallow at times.

 

Please help with any advice!!!

 

Thanks,

 

moto joe

[Guest [ba...]]

My only advice would be to concentrate on your job.  Don't let your mind wander into a place where panic begins.  Let your job be your occupation/distraction.  Your panicky feeling will subside.  Breath regularly, and focus on your work.  If you're having difficulty concentrating, find some busy work to keep yourself occupied.  I remember a really shaky day that I had.  I decided to tear apart one of the machines that I work with and do maintenance on it all day.  Not brain science, but it kept me occupied all day. 

[[be...]]

I know firsthand how horrible the anxiety and panic can be in early withdrawal. I went through a horrific cold turkey withdrawal a year ago, and my morning panic was absolutely horrible. I was awaken by it at about 4:30 in the morning.  It sounds like you are in the acute phase of withdrawal.  Fortunately it doesn't last forever. There will be a time when this nightmare is behind you. My acute phase lasted about 4 weeks.

[[mo...]]

Thank you badsocref and benzos-R-cruel,

 

You both are good at responding to my posts. 

 

I'm frustrated because even though I know everyone is different, I tried to do a nice slow taper.  I was "ONLY" on benzos for 8 months.  I know, that doesn't sound like such a little amount of time, but I was on clonazepam for 6 months and started tapering 4 months into it.  This feels more like a physiological reaction, than a cognitive one.

 

The right side of my throat, mouth, and tongue are feeling so tight.  But, its an off and on kind of tightness.  I've gotten flashes of panic with it.  Now, back in the spring, something like this would have made me want to call 911 or go to the doctor.  But now I know that if I wait it out, it generally will pass.  But, it's making things miserable at work.  I'd like to distract myself, but I work behind a computer most of the day, so it's not as engaging as doing something physical.

 

benzo-R-cruel,

 

Today marks 2 weeks since I jumped from 0.031 mg of clonazepam.  Even though I went somewhat slowly, I felt every cut I made.  The first week was more GI issues, now I'm feeling more of the anxiety/panic.  But, I've been averaging a migraine every 2 weeks too, so I can't help but think that is adding to it. 

 

My psychiatrist is pretty understanding, but I have a feeling she believes this to be resurgent anxiety rather than benzo-withdrawal.  I may have had some anxiety giving me GI symptoms before going onto benzos, but I never had a panic attack until I was on benzos.  That reassures me somewhat, but it's difficult when in the midst of all these weird symptoms.

 

I do NOT want to rush into other forms of medication at this point.  I never was medicated for the first 35 years of my life and I'm now 36 years old.  I feel horribly for the people who can barely function day to day.  I can't tell if things are getting better or worse.  For me, it's hard because I do have to work full-time (and overtime) while going through this, and I have a wife and young daughter to take care of as well.

 

The other issue I've been noticing is sometimes my arms, legs, or head will jerk a bit.  Kind of like if I go to make a motion, but get a spasm while doing it, that overaccentuates what I was trying to do. 

 

I've had an MRI, Catscan, bloodwork, etc...just had some non-specific lesions that the neuro wasn't concerned about. 

 

The facial neuropathy I was feeling last week is better...I think that might have been a build up to the migraine I experienced on Saturday.  Now it's just this tightness on the right side of my jaw, tongue, neck etc....so bizarre.

 

Thanks for all help and reassurances!  They are INVALUABLE to me!!

 

moto joe

 

 

 

 

[[bo...]]

I'm a new member, but I jumped on October 31 from an Ativan -> Valium taper.  I'm roughly 2.5 weeks out.  Beginning in week 2, I've started getting withdraw symptoms - all the usual suspects.  I was getting a lot of tension in my neck and throat area, and combined with dry-mouth, I was having trouble swallowing, and that began inducing panic in short flashes.

 

My anxiety kicked back into gear, full force, last night.  I was roused from sleep at 2am with crippling anxiety.  I'm trying my best to stay awake right now until it gets to a reasonable hour so that I can hopefully have a normal night of sleep tonight.

 

Long story short, I'm also two weeks out.  I feel your pain.  You're not alone.  If we stick together through this, maybe we can start turning the corner before Christmas.  That sounds nice to me - what do you think?

[[mo...]]

Bosco,

 

Welcome to the group...though I know, we all sort of wish we weren't here, I'm still so thankful for this group!!

 

What do you consider "all the usual suspects?"  Wow....yes, exactly with the neck and throat tension!  It's very frustrating.  I also find that I constantly have to clear my throat after I eat a meal.  I'm not sure if that's reflux or just a different WD symptom (never had issues with reflux before).

 

I really hope you can manage your anxiety!  Did you have panic attacks pre-benzos?  Just curious.

 

I agree.  That is ALL I want for Christmas....

 

Thanks everyone,

 

moto joe

[[bo...]]

Hi moto joe, sorry I didn't reply yesterday.  After having an awful Monday, I got a good night of sleep and had a relatively event-free Tuesday, so I tried my best to keep my mind off benzos, symptoms, etc.  That includes staying off this website, wikipedia, etc.  Today is a mediocre day, so I'm growing again. 

 

I posted a quick symptom list that took me about 30 seconds to write up.  It was off the top of my head, so I may have missed one or two, but the list is pretty long.  I consider these all the usual suspects for my benzo withdrawal:

 

Hangover feeling - headache/fever/flu-like symptoms

Brain fog

Dizziness

Fatigue

Dry mouth, trouble swallowing, choking sensation

Panic attacks

General anxiety with no apparent cause

Restlessness, insomnia, vivid dreams, rousing from sleep

Red itchy body rash, similar to an allergic reaction, lasting only 20-30 minutes at a time

Cold hands and feet

Nausea

Diarrhea

Racing, confused thoughts

Pacing

Trembling

Pins and needles in hands and feet - loss of feeling in arms, legs, lips

Reactive hypoglycemia

Blurred vision

Neck pain

Chest pain

Rapid heartbeat

Shallow breathing

 

To answer your question, yes, I began having panic attacks before I was on benzos.  That's actually the reason I started taking Lorazepam in the first place - to prevent or stop panic attacks in stressful situations.  It began earlier this year.  I had a very stressful couple of months at work, putting in lots of overtime to satisfy demanding bosses and unrealistic client expectations.  I also had an 8-hour licensing exam to study for, which took months, and a car breakdown the night before the exam.  The stress came to a head when I was asked to take a one-week trip for work down to South Carolina with two days notice.

 

I was tired from waking up early, weary from going through security and checkpoints, and anxious for the flight, rental car, hotel, and hectic day of work ahead of me.  Because the flight was booked last-minute, I'm in the middle seat between two people on a packed 737.  My stomach has been bothering me all month, but this morning, it is especially sour.  We're sitting on an active runway, waiting in line to take off.  What if my stomach continues acting up?  What if this dizzy feeling continues and I pass out?  My heart began racing.  My breathing became shallow.  The feeling in my hands started to drop, followed by my feet, and the numbness began creeping up my arms and legs.  The dizziness reached its peak when my lips had pins and needles, and they began quivering uncontrollably.  The shaking spread to my entire body.  Silently, 24th in line for takeoff, in seat 32E, I had my first panic attack.

 

The thoughts raced through my mind.  Am I having a heart attack?  Am I having a stroke?  I'm 26 years old, is that possible?  Can I pass out from this dizzy feeling?  What if it gets worse and they have to call an ambulance?  Should I tell someone now rather than wait until we're in the air?  I have two coworkers on the flight with me; I'll be completely humiliated if I have to receive medical attention.  I'll be a laughing stock at work.  Managers won't want me on their projects.  I'll be seen as crazy - a liability.  I need to keep quiet about this.

 

I recalled a post-secret I read earlier in the year that went something like this:  "To the woman in the stall next to me that coached me through my first panic attack - thank you."  Could this be a panic attack?

 

It felt like an eternity waiting for the runway to clear, the plane to take off, and the "Please Turn Off Electronic Devices" sign to go dim.  That was my key to book it to the bathroom.  There I remained for the entire duration of the flight, with my panic attack waxing and waning.  The announcement came over the PA to fasten seatbelts for landing, and I crept back to my seat, exhausted from the hour-long ordeal.  As soon as I stepped off the plane and into the airport at Charlotte, my panic disappeared.  You'd think I had a phobia of flying.  Rather, this was my seventh flight of the year.

 

I had anxiety throughout the entire duration of that trip.  A highlight was almost having a panic attack in the poorly-lit reactor building of a nuclear plant, and having another full-blown episode on the flight home.

 

I went to the doctor, and he prescribed my first benzo.  I had never had any health problems, physical or mental, in my life.  I was nervous about taking medication, but Ativan was like a magic bullet.  I'd start to get panic or anxiety, and I'd pop a pill.  It worked so well that it became a daily thing, fully endorsed by my clueless primary care physician, who still, to this day, believes that 1mg of Lorazepam is not a large enough dose to form any dependence.

 

That was six months ago.  Three months of 1mg Lorazepam, 2 months of Diazepam taper, and almost three weeks off benzos, I'm now facing acute withdrawal.  Screw everything about this situation.  But what can you do?  You've got to keep moving forward.