3 Months Out !!!

[[th...]]

Hello Buddies,

 

I feel the need to share how I am doing on my 3 month mark. Waves are changing, stressing me out that i am going mentally unwell.

 

In Summary this month was the worst so far. It is more difficult to focus and try to be what i was. Obsessive thoughts. Intrusive vivid memories all along. The good part is that now i can remember stuff that i thought are long forgotten. Very detailed stuff. Like i am under deep hypnosis. My vocabulary is getting worse. It is more difficult to express my self. Time distortions, like my memories are scattered , and i am picking piece by piece, memory by memory to make the whole puzzle. Also my personality changes all the time, like not knowing what shape to take. Yesterday i was driving to the countryside and was triggered by everything, music , views - all gave me flashbacks. Afraid i am going crazy, permanently ill, thinking i was like this before the benzos. Feelings of doom.

 

GOOD PART - of course there is a good part. I can identify that i am not feeling normal, i can identify when i am feeling good also ! The thing that i can observe my thoughts when i am feeling bad is good by itself. It means that i am not developing severe psychiatric disease.  Also knowing that all of you are going through the same $#%* with symptoms that looks alike is a relief. I also have windows that are good. I will keep on going and lets hope for a happy ending.

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Congratulation thescamp.

being able to drive through the countryside after getting off C/T is quite amazing.

way to go , don't forget those sxs are temporary and i am sure

there will be a happy ending, take care.

 

[[lo...]]

Hello Buddies,

 

I feel the need to share how I am doing on my 3 month mark. Waves are changing, stressing me out that i am going mentally unwell.

 

In Summary this month was the worst so far. It is more difficult to focus and try to be what i was. Obsessive thoughts. Intrusive vivid memories all along. The good part is that now i can remember stuff that i thought are long forgotten. Very detailed stuff. Like i am under deep hypnosis. My vocabulary is getting worse. It is more difficult to express my self. Time distortions, like my memories are scattered , and i am picking piece by piece, memory by memory to make the whole puzzle. Also my personality changes all the time, like not knowing what shape to take. Yesterday i was driving to the countryside and was triggered by everything, music , views - all gave me flashbacks. Afraid i am going crazy, permanently ill, thinking i was like this before the benzos. Feelings of doom.

 

GOOD PART - of course there is a good part. I can identify that i am not feeling normal, i can identify when i am feeling good also ! The thing that i can observe my thoughts when i am feeling bad is good by itself. It means that i am not developing severe psychiatric disease.  Also knowing that all of you are going through the same $#%* with symptoms that looks alike is a relief. I also have windows that are good. I will keep on going and lets hope for a happy ending.

 

Hey thescamp,

 

I am a little bit behind you, I am about 1.5 months out from the jump date. I totally second all the random personality waves. I think it's all the neurons re-firing around brain that haven't done in a long time, so it's just triggering a bunch of memories as well as feelings and thoughts. There is a bunch of electric activity happening now with the tranquilizers out of the way. Hence sleep disturbances, etc. My therapist once told me that it's totally common to get intrusive thoughts. She also said that the intrusive thoughts are usually something completely out of the person's character that they find morally repulsive to the core. And best thing to do is to just recognize them as only thoughts and carry on. I saw a bumper sticker that sums it up nicely "Don't believe everything you think."

 

Also, I found this old BB post that was pretty great on this topic: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=77290.0

 

[[be...]]

I am hoping that you start feeling a bit better soon. I went through a horrific cold turkey withdrawal and suddenly around the three month mark I started to feel better with marked improvement every month after that.

[[Cl...]]

Congratulations thescamp! 3 months! And you sound very OK to me!!!

[[Li...]]

Good on your 3 month mark thescamp!!    Praying you smooth healing from here on out..

[[xa...]]

Congratulations on the 3 month mark!  It's very encouraging to see people continue fighting the adversity as you are. 

 

I can certainly appreciate the effect on your personality.  I know on the inside I'm constantly jumping around with waves of thought.  Also the part of dealing with your vocabulary.  That's one thing I've personally always relied on in day to day conversation and now I find myself getting stuck mid-sentence with inability to find the word I'm looking for.  The same with trying to rely on my memory for things.  Very frustrating.

 

Good job on the progress and best wishes moving forwards!

[[ja...]]

Congratulations 

[[th...]]

Thank you all. I know it is a struggle for everyone of you and i hope you are getting well. Recently i have very bad episodes and i guess i am into a wave. I find it difficult to be confident and to know what i am doing. I explain that with not enough gaba receptors so my mind is going insane, nothing to be calmed down with. And when I am into an episode i find it very difficult to calm myself it is just that - an episode. I hope, no I prey that it is withdrawal and with time it will pass.

[[Mo...]]

Your post inspires me! I was on xanax now on valium. It's inspiring to see you are functional after a fairly quick taper from long term usage after hitting tolerance. ....I don't know what the future holds for me but I pray it resembles yours as much as possible! !

[[Ro...]]

No doubts you will have a happy ending. Congrats!!