Will I live thru this?

[[Su...]]

I just read the link about what's happening in the brain when you use benzos and then when you stop them. For 20 yrs taking a combo for CFIDS FM and anxiety disorder it made me feel normal. I never knew until 2008 when I had a severe emergency surgery that doctors and nurses would look at my med list an said I really should try to get off of those. After the surgery, I began having adrenal and other health problems. I think the benzos could have contributed to losing my adrenal function, or most of it.

 

My primary care said he could no longer prescribe these meds per new laws regarding controlled substances August 2014. He sent me to psychiatry. First visit the doctor said I can't prescribe 2 benzos, pick one! He said I'd have a "little rebound effect"!

 

I had no idea I'd descend into pure living hell. Being in poor health, the WD was just too much despite being on the other drugs still.

 

I've had to hire a caregiver to make food, shop, walk my shih tzu etc. I can't even drive. I went into a adrenal crisis about a week into CT Clonazepam. So this has made all these symptoms worse. I feel like I'm seriously not gonna live thru this and I'm still on the other drugs. I can't imagine how am I gonna physically be able to endure months and months.

 

All I could do was think of a way out. I'd pray and hope God will just take me. I have grown kids and a shih tzu and they need me.

 

I couldn't believe this burning, tingling, numbness, nausea, migraines, severe weakness, severe fatigue, weird fear, thoughts, anxiety like I never had. I'll be burning up then freezing. I seem to look at the world outside like that's normal and I'm not part of that world.

 

I'm trying to trust what I've read here. That this is the brain starting to heal. I get so afraid of the symptoms since they're so insidious and disturbing. If I live thru this, this will be my greatest accomplishment.

 

Just over 9 weeks off Clonazepam CT, still on the Xanax, soma, ambien. Want to taper I can't go lower yet. Just too intense and nonfunctional. Thank you for understanding. My family, I am too much for them so I kinda suffer in silence.

 

Hoping to see improvement some day…

[[ea...]]

Don't give up, Summer73. You are only 9 weeks off a CT, which is very early out. At 9 weeks, I could barely get out of bed, and was pretty much insane. I had both physical and mental symptoms, like you wouldn't believe. But, because I stayed off benzos, I slowly began to feel better. I am now at 27 months, and haven't felt this good for perhaps 20 years! (I took benzos for 30!!) I believe that for many years I was in tolerance w/d, and it caused depression, anxiety, and a lot of other nasty things. At one point, I was on 12 different medications, for depression, sleep, anxiety, IBS, arthritis, fibromyalgia, chronic pain and other things. Almost all of this stuff has now disappeared!!!!

 

You are very lucky to be able to hire someone to help you. I would caution you, however, to start pushing yourself a little fairly soon. Its all too easy to start thinking you are helpless, bedbound, housebound, etc. Even if you only get up to wash dishes, feed the dog, or sweep the floor, it helps prevent these things from happening. I started making myself get up at about 8 weeks out. I was still very crazy and ill, believe me. And my attempts at cleaning my house were ludicrous. But, I found over time that making myself try to do things was beneficial for me, and I still feel that way.

 

Your situation is complicated by having some sort of adrenal trouble, but it certainly isn't going to prevent you from healing. Benzos are notorious for having the worst withdrawal. And youre still on Xanax, plus Ambien (which is almost exactly like a benzo-). But the situation is NOT hopeless. Most people feel that its best to first get off any and all benzos, then tackle anything else. But only you can decide what suits you best. Be prepared that insomnia and anxiety may become  problems for you, and start learning a few tricks to handle them now.

 

Everything you mention sounds like withdrawal to me, and very, very normal. It is uncomfortable and frightening. But not out of line, for benzo withdrawal. You have a lot of company here with these symptoms. There are many threads about each one.

 

Many of us feel as you do - because its so hard to believe that it really is withdrawal. We want to believe what we read here, but part of our minds just cannot accept it. Many people start to wonder if they have gone insane, or have some disease. I know I did. But in the end, what I was told here turned out to be true. Very true. I WAS healing, even when I felt simply awful! Time progressed, and passed, and slowly I began to feel better. I was a cold turkey, too, plus got off Ambien and two antidepressants. Maybe that's why I healed slowly, I don't know. But I DID heal. Very much so. And I really do believe that pushing myself was part of it. I was told here to "act as if" I felt better than I did, so that's what I did. I was told to distract myself relentlessly, so that's what I did. I was told to learn better ways to handle my symptoms, so I did. It was all excellent advice, and I will be eternally grateful for what I learned here. I learned habits and techniques to handle anxiety, insomnia, etc., that will be with me for a long time...because they work.

 

Its funny, but I AM a nurse. And when I was on all those drugs, and ended up in the hospital quite a few times for various surgeries, not a single doctor or nurse ever said to me "You should get off all those drugs." Not a one of them made the connection between my falls and broken bones, and the benzos. I look back at this with horror and sorrow for my fellow professionals.

 

You will recover from this, Summer73. You just have to trust what you read here, and start doing a few of the things people suggest. Do it with blind faith, because right now, you don't believe us.....but you will eventually. Find a few people who you relate to here, people you feel you can trust, and do whatever they suggest. They come from a place of having been there and done that, and have survived.

east

[[Ch...]]

As east said, you will heal, it takes more time than seems reasonable...nerve regeneration is a slow process.  It's too bad your doctor didn't help you taper the Klonopin, that would have been a much easier road for you. 

 

However, things will eventually start to settle down.  You may want to wait until you're feeling better before planning to taper the Xanax.  Cold turkey-ing the Klonopin has probably sensitized your central nervous system and you'll want to make sure to do a slow taper from the Xanax.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. 

[[Su...]]

East,

Thank you for talking to me. I know your right about me needing to start to do even little things. I think I don't believe it's happening and expect to wake up and feel markedly better. I can tell that's not gonna happen. My doctor minimizes this and seems "surprised" I'm so debilitated. Do any of these doctors even have a clue?! He thinks in 6 months I'll feel great! I'm awake like 4 times a night with like night terrors. I'm just so worn down. My brain and body is just freaking out. It's like almost impossible to be rational.

 

I will start doing more despite the pain and mental anguish. I know I'll need to learn to do some things while in the midst of it. The first few weeks and even now, I was convinced I was dieing. I wrote letters to my kids etc. Preparing them. I didn't give it to them. I know you get where I'm at.

 

I just feel I'm still on quite a bit of drugs and feel this bad. How am I gonna taper without another adrenal crisis. It's so frightening. It's just overwhelming too me.

 

I'll start slow. It's hard cuz I don't want to see people or talk to anyone. I feel people will know something is wrong with me. They are normal and I'm not. I don't walk normal. I don't put on makeup or wear anything but sweatpants and a tee. People knew me as being kinda into my own personal fashion and style. It's just obvious I'm neglecting myself. Kinda only survival mode.

 

I'm not surprised no one mentioned to you about benzos. My sister was a medical professional as well and never thought about it either. If the doctor prescribed it and I felt more normal on them it seemed it was ok. Benzos should be illegal. I feel they are a very evil class of drugs.

 

Thank you again. I can't talk about this with anyone but here. I'll try finding specific threads and see what that brings. Boy you should be so proud of yourself. I am hoping…

 

Summer