STILL REQUESTING HELP & REASSURANCE

[[do...]]

Hello,  125 days off - still feeling no joy, no happiness, no hope, no love and continuing to try to cope with a tangled mind.  I have distorted and dark thoughts from the time I wake until the time I go to sleep.  I have no interests and am incapable of even completing a simple task - and if I attempt a task it is with such difficulty I get even more frustrated, angry and depressed.  Am I completely and totally insane???  There are times when I think not being here would be better than this horrific struggle to just get through another day- with all the darkness and conflict that is never ending.  I am ALONE in my attempt to survive.  I can not find a way out and my sense of doom is worse now than 2 years ago - is this all part of the withdrawal??? Is this a normal way to experience withdrawal with an ongoing sense of - I am going to be like this the rest of my life??  Is severe depression all part of this?  What do I need to be doing to hang on?  And, why is this going on for such an extended amount of time?  I have only waves since I started this process.  Does it ever get better and do I have any reason to be optimistic?  Please someone tell me I can be okay.

[[re...]]

Dolphins,

            Yea ya gonna get better.I am at 8 months from jump,and I know we are all different,but reading a bunch of posts ,there seems to be bigger changes to the better ,around the 8th month.

      At months 4 , 5 , and six really bad painful sxs and thoughts. "Am I going to be bed ridden ? "

"Why is it taking so long for ? " " Oh no another new sxs !" , " Should I take another pain killer ? "

"Oh no ,I can't go to that event,I'll freak out " " God doesn't love me any more,why is He letting this happen to me for so long? ".  Just some of the stupid demon benzo brain questions and thinking,in those super hurting days.  And 2 weeks ago when I thought I turned a corner,I got two episodes of tachycardia in same day,followed by heart palps (skipped heart beats )'which I still have,but learning to ignore them.

    Prayers are being answered after all,I am able to do more physically.I able to do stationary bike,every other day for 15 minutes and heart took it.i didn't get a heart attack !

        The mental crap is one of the toughest sxs that makes even the physical worst than it is.

You just have to keep saying I didn't have so and so before wd so all this  crap is benzo brain related,it ain't the real me ,I will be gain when this hurting journey ends.

                        Hang tough brother,it's the toughest thing I have gone tru in my life and I'm 68 and have been tru so tough goings already in life .But when you start getting bigger longer waves it really

starts healing the brain crap thoughts.

                      Like the song sez , I (we) will survive !

tru God's mercy

                  May He grant you bearable sxs and a swift recovery.

Shalom,

            aj

                  <><

 

 

[[do...]]

Has anyone out there just had severe depression anxiety through the roof where try think they have totally lost it from dawn until bedtime!! Help help help help help

[[Ch...]]

Yes, I do, along with so much else, and others do too. You will get through this.

[[go...]]

We are about the same time off as I jumped on 7-5. I wake up in horrible depression. I can barely even get out of bed. I have hypochondria which is my worst mental symptom. I feel pretty bad all day. Every now and then the rational part of my brain peeks out. That is my only relief. I am very unmotivated and can't seem to snap out of it. I have been questioning my love for my husband which is insane because I love him very much. I understand all that you are going thru. This is not me and this is not you. It is these damn benzos. Be strong and believe things will get better. We are still only a little over 4 months out.

[[ea...]]

Yes, I had this. What helped me was constant, constant distraction.  If I kept busy, I didn't feel nearly as bad.

east

[[Iw...]]

Dolphins.  You are not alone in this misery.  Many experience the 24 hour anxiety day after day until one day it stars getting better and better. You are still early out and many people still experience high anxiety and many other symptoms at four months out.it will get better for you.the anxiety has always been my worst symptom and it was constant for me too.  I Am now approaching one year off and barely have anxiety anymore, and what I do have of it is really not comparable to the earlier type. In comparison, its like an annoying itch. Like east coast said, distraction. I know it doesnt seem like it is helping but when you are through it (you will be) you will see how much it helped you through.  The doubts, negative, fearful thoughts and  negative self talk are symptoms too that will improve.

You're going to be okay. Give it Time, time, time and more time.

[[do...]]

Thanks. It is VERY debilitating. The voices are unrelenting. DEEP dark thoughts. ANd the hope is barely alive. I do my best each day. It is like I have no SELF or connection. And I don't know how to live life and just experience life.

[[wa...]]

I totally relate to the feelings you are expressing.  I'm coming up on 12 months off of a cold turkey from .75 mg Klonopin, last Christmas Eve.  At 3 months off, I had a week of a window--was so happy--I was ready to write my success story. Then I got sucked back into severe symptoms again.  I am thankful for some things----I'm thankful that I am able to seep at night--although I wake up a little earlier than I'd like.  I'm also thankful that in the late evening I am usually relaxed--especially if I am with people.  So although I am no where near back to my normal life--I do get breaks at these times that run in a pattern.  When I become conscious in the morning---I feel such grief---and then when I start moving--the shakes start.  For me it's so weird--but trying to do little tasks---open a package, peel a carrot---I will become overtaken with frustration and shake and become breathless.  My other difficult symptom is clothing causes sensory issues---I will feel panic when I put on my shoes, or slacks that feel a little itchy.  These sensations will push me to gasping and shaking---so awful---and it's when I'm trying to get dressed and get out the door. I go to an exercise class every day---and that does help to relax me for a little while.  I'm able to read, but if I get sleepy during the day--and dose off---I have all hell to pay, because when I wake up I am so shaky and breathless.  Does anybody else have these weird sensory problems?  I also have such dread and fear of doing just about anything---but I push myself out the door and somehow get through the day.  I was working until recently---and the distraction helped. I really feel worse being home alone---especially in the morning/afternoon.  Will this ever go away??  I just crave my old life so much. I live in another world now.  The things I used to enjoy--I approach with such caution.  I haven't posted much on this forum---I only read success stories---over and over again. I need reassurance too.

[[ma...]]

Wants, I definately know what you mean with the shakes and toxic naps. I have gotten better with the waking and not being in total anxiety state but it is slow and the improvements are little ones at a time. Makes it hard to believe it will ever completely go away. I am not able to read much of anything but this forum. I am able to watch TV and that helps in the evenings. I still work but don't know how productive I am. This really sucks but what choice do we have but to keep moving forward.

[[ea...]]

I had the super sensitive skin thing for over a year. Even now, at 27 months, I STILL get it sometimes. Ive had the feeling of bugs crawling on me, clothing feels too rough...all of it. I was once looking at clothing in a thrift shop, and suddenly realized I was choosing clothing to try on ONLY because of how soft they felt! I had bought a gorgeous black sheath dress, only to put it into the closet for over a year because it felt rough on. I tried it on several weeks ago and it felt completely fine.

 

I, too, had Dread and Fear as constant companions for over a year. I was terrified of everything, everything. It started to go away at one year, and now, it only resurfaces once in a while (usually when Im tired). So, the answer to your question is that YES, these things DO go away. It just takes time, and it seems that we cold turkey people can be slower to heal than other people. But - we do heal, so don't give up.

east

[[kd...]]

Dear Bruce, I felt just like you for five months, then every day after I started to feel better and better. I never thought it would happen but it did. Today I am almost nine months and feeling 95 % well. I distract distract, I am obsessed with doing laundry and cooking, these two distractions saved me. Love to you my friend...Diane   

[[do...]]

Having one of my worst days! Help