Thinking of giving in

[Guest [rh...]]

Stelazine, my antispcychotic is unavailable from the manufacturer until at least January. History of sz since about 1987, confirmed by multiple pdocs in past, later got Asperger diagnosis. Live in a small town. No access to other pdocs.

 

The same thing with this med happened 2 or 3 years ago. My pdoc was ill and the covering one refused to see me. I ended up CTing, being without meds for a few months and becoming paranoid and aggressive (police were called). Eventually an emergency doc got me liquid form of meds but I was so wound up that my GP put me on 10mg diazepam daily and I ended up stuck on diazepam until I tapered this year.

 

I later made a formal complaint about pdoc CT-ing me and her response was that I wasn't entitled to treatment because I had Asperger not acute mental illness (she didn't examine me or take a history so how would she know? and how is it right ever to CT meds?) . Later I was told that if I want help I have to help myself because Asperger is not mental illness (even though I have sz diagnosis too). End result was that now I'm not to see any pdoc, just my GP.

 

Now it's all happening again. I am afraid of going out of control again. My GP is happy to give me diazepam again but not  to prescribe an alternative antipsychotic.

 

 

[[ea...]]

Aspergers may not be an "acute" mental illness, but it sure can cause problems. And there are levels of it, with some people having it mild, and others more seriously. Only you know how badly it affects you. No, cold turkey is never justifiable, IMO. But, it happened, and you cannot change that.

If I were in your shoes, and I have been, I would try not to give in and start diazepam. You would just be setting yourself up for yet another withdrawal, in the future. But again, this is your call, since only you know how bad you feel right now.

You've had a tough time of it, rhu8arb. Hang in there, and don't give up, no matter what.

east

[Guest [rh...]]

Aspergers may not be an "acute" mental illness, but it sure can cause problems. And there are levels of it, with some people having it mild, and others more seriously. Only you know how badly it affects you. No, cold turkey is never justifiable, IMO. But, it happened, and you cannot change that.

If I were in your shoes, and I have been, I would try not to give in and start diazepam. You would just be setting yourself up for yet another withdrawal, in the future. But again, this is your call, since only you know how bad you feel right now.

You've had a tough time of it, rhu8arb. Hang in there, and don't give up, no matter what.

east

 

You have a 25yr history of schizophrenia and your antipsychotics were CTd?

How did that work out?

I haven't written my story here (and am too afraid to) but for me diazepam withdrawal is a walk in the park compared to the other things that have happened to me. It hasn't been that tough at all.

[Guest [Mi...]]

Aspergers may not be an "acute" mental illness, but it sure can cause problems. And there are levels of it, with some people having it mild, and others more seriously. Only you know how badly it affects you. No, cold turkey is never justifiable, IMO. But, it happened, and you cannot change that.

If I were in your shoes, and I have been, I would try not to give in and start diazepam. You would just be setting yourself up for yet another withdrawal, in the future. But again, this is your call, since only you know how bad you feel right now.

You've had a tough time of it, rhu8arb. Hang in there, and don't give up, no matter what.

east

 

You have a 25yr history of schizophrenia and your antipsychotics were CTd?

How did that work out?

I haven't written my story here (and am too afraid to) but for me diazepam withdrawal is a walk in the park compared to the other things that have happened to me. It hasn't been that tough at all.

 

rhu8arb, I was diagnosed with manic-depression in 1985 and have been on over 30 psych drugs throughout the years. You can click on the Lab Rat Progress Log link in my signature for the list of meds I've been on.

 

I started out on Stelazine. When I started having problems with that (I can't remember what the problems were because that was more than 20 years ago), I was switched to Mellaril and then Triavil and then Ambilify and finally Seroquel, which I'm slowly tapering off of.

 

Have you had any success with other antipsychotics? I don't understand why your GP won't try another one. Did he/she give you a reason? It doesn't make a lot of sense since there are others out there. Of course, I understand your frustration, as the mental health system is completely broken.

 

I hope you can find an alternative to benzos to handle this because if you go back on them, coming off again may be harder. At least that's been my experience. I know you've had a rough time of it, and I just don't want it to be any worse.

 

 

 

[Guest [rh...]]

It seems here that GPs can't prescribe antipsychotic drugs unless it is a continuing prescription or requested by a psychiatrist - until recently I always had a psychiatrist in the background.

 

I've been on Haldol long term in the past and Zyprexa, neither of which I liked. Also numerous drugs that I only took short-term that I couldn't handle at all. But I haven't tried Seroquel which seems to be commonly used in this forum. I am very sensitive to drugs with a sedative effect.

 

Have you found Seroquel helpful?

 

 

[Guest [Mi...]]

It seems here that GPs can't prescribe antipsychotic drugs unless it is a continuing prescription or requested by a psychiatrist - until recently I always had a psychiatrist in the background.

 

I've been on Haldol long term in the past and Zyprexa, neither of which I liked. Also numerous drugs that I only took short-term that I couldn't handle at all. But I haven't tried Seroquel which seems to be commonly used in this forum. I am very sensitive to drugs with a sedative effect.

 

Have you found Seroquel helpful?

 

Yes, Seroquel has been helpful for me. But I'm using it only for sleep right now. All of my psychotic symptoms simply evaporated when I was able to come off antidepressants. As long as I don't take an antidepressant, my mania is very low grade hypomania which is controlled with exercise and meditation.

 

I've never been on more than 100 mg of Seroquel, so I'm not sure what it is like at high doses. Since Seroquel is only used as a sleep aid at low doses, it's actually more sedating under 100 mg than over 100 mg.

 

I noticed that the Seroquel is much more sedating at lower and lower doses and I think it's because the benzo withdrawal has just made me much more sensitive to meds.

 

I do feel your frustration at the mental health system, rhu8arb. They put us on all of these meds "for our own good" (at least that's what I was told) and then they're clueless at how to help us come off them.

 

I hope you can find an AP to help you.

[[ea...]]

Rhu, no, I was never on antipsychotics. I was on antidepressants, a benzo and a Z drug. I took benzos and drank alcohol for 30 years. I have no history of mental illness except depression, and apparently THAT was being caused by the benzos.

I did take Seroquel briefly for sleep, about a year and a half ago. It didn't help me at all and I quit it abruptly without a problem.

east

[Guest [rh...]]

Thanks for that information Mindseeker. Interesting that your psychotic symptoms stopped when you stopped antidepressants.

 

I'm considering whether to persist in asking for a pdoc referral or not. Not sure I want to add another drug into the mix or get back into the mainstream mental health system. I am really sensitive to sedative effects so I don't know if Seroquel would suit me. 

 

Anyway, after some ringing around, I managed to get 18 days worth of generic trifluoperazine pills from a pharmacy that had some on the shelf. They confirmed that it's not possible to get more pills until maybe next January. However liquid form may be available before then.

 

But this buys me some time. I'm going to reduce my trifluoperazine for now, so if the liquid doesn't materialise, then I won't be stopping from such a high dose and will be further off from diazepam.

 

East, thanks for your reply. I just saw it.

[Guest [rh...]]

OK so I never calmed down.

 

Ended up in emergency last Sunday, but didn't take anything.

Then went away overnight to see if a change of scene would help - it did, but only temporarily and I can't afford to take more time off my studies.

The anxiety over meds continued, I had to keep waiting by the phone to get progress and making many phone calls which is stressing me out, no food left so not eating, sleep poorly, not studying. Eventually this afternoon I got liquid trifluoperazine but it came too late.

 

Been having severe pain one side of my throat and down my neck and shoulder. This is something I had after I was victim of a serious attack in 1996 where I was strangled to unconsciousness. I haven't worked or been med free since then. I think it damaged some muscle or ligament in my neck and it healed with scar tissue that is less elastic, so when I am tense and have tense muscles it hurts again. My thyroid was also damaged in the attack. I thought I was over this throat pain, but then started thinking that it's just because the diazepam was masking the pain. I thought of how one poster had said that some people have serious mental issues that are not part of withdrawal, and how that's why I was attacked - the attacker chose vulnerable people and I had been med free and vulnerable. That post was in response to me and I kept obsessing over it, and getting PTSD symptoms of stuff that has gone on in my past, how I never was ever normal and that what I have now is not withdrawal - the diazepam was actually keeping me alive.

 

I emailed my social worker to say I was thinking of overdosing. She called the police. I spoke to a duty GP and she prescribed 4 x 5mg diazepam for tonight and arranged a GP apt for tomorrow. I took 2.5mg and the throat pain has eased. I am still anxious.

 

What should I say to the GP tomorrow?

Should I ask for a psychiatrist referral?

Should I reinstate diazepam and deal with my other problems first?

Does anyone else have this throat pain? It is just on one side.

Is this group for people who are basically normal?

Do I need to delete my ticker?

 

[Guest [ma...]]

I noticed that the Seroquel is much more sedating at lower and lower doses and I think it's because the benzo withdrawal has just made me much more sensitive to meds.

 

I don't think the increase in sedation you are noticing from lower doses of Seroquel is b/c of an increased sensitivity to psychoactive drugs. The binding affinities for various neuroreceptors are dose specific. Specifically, the lower the dose of Seroquel the higher the binding affinity for the Histamine receptors and the more sedating it is. So in that case it works like an anti-histamine except that at low doses Seroquel also has a very high binding affinity for the alpha 1 adrenergic receptors. At doses above 100 mg the binding affinity is strong for both the Dopamine and to a lesser extent Serotonin receptors.....hence it's use as an atypical-antipsychotic.

[Guest [Mi...]]

OK so I never calmed down.

 

Ended up in emergency last Sunday, but didn't take anything.

Then went away overnight to see if a change of scene would help - it did, but only temporarily and I can't afford to take more time off my studies.

The anxiety over meds continued, I had to keep waiting by the phone to get progress and making many phone calls which is stressing me out, no food left so not eating, sleep poorly, not studying. Eventually this afternoon I got liquid trifluoperazine but it came too late.

 

Been having severe pain one side of my throat and down my neck and shoulder. This is something I had after I was victim of a serious attack in 1996 where I was strangled to unconsciousness. I haven't worked or been med free since then. I think it damaged some muscle or ligament in my neck and it healed with scar tissue that is less elastic, so when I am tense and have tense muscles it hurts again. My thyroid was also damaged in the attack. I thought I was over this throat pain, but then started thinking that it's just because the diazepam was masking the pain. I thought of how one poster had said that some people have serious mental issues that are not part of withdrawal, and how that's why I was attacked - the attacker chose vulnerable people and I had been med free and vulnerable. That post was in response to me and I kept obsessing over it, and getting PTSD symptoms of stuff that has gone on in my past, how I never was ever normal and that what I have now is not withdrawal - the diazepam was actually keeping me alive.

 

I emailed my social worker to say I was thinking of overdosing. She called the police. I spoke to a duty GP and she prescribed 4 x 5mg diazepam for tonight and arranged a GP apt for tomorrow. I took 2.5mg and the throat pain has eased. I am still anxious.

 

What should I say to the GP tomorrow?

Should I ask for a psychiatrist referral?

Should I reinstate diazepam and deal with my other problems first?

Does anyone else have this throat pain? It is just on one side.

Is this group for people who are basically normal?

Do I need to delete my ticker?

 

Wow, slow down, rhu8arb. If this site was only for normal people, I wouldn't be here!

 

Let's slow down and take it question by question:

 

What should I say to the GP tomorrow? I would be honest about my concerns. I'm really glad you reached out for help when you were feeling suicidal.

 

Should I ask for a psychiatrist referral? I would. That way you'll have more medication options available. You don't have to take anything you don't want to take.

 

Should I reinstate diazepam and deal with my other problems first? I would not reinstate. Usually reinstating only works within 2 weeks of coming off. You've done so well to come off it. Perhaps ask the pdoc for other options to help with your throat and other issues. I'm really sorry you got attacked and it set off all of the other problems. Trauma causes a lot of mental health issues. Trauma set off my depression many years ago and I ended up being medicated for years.

 

Does anyone else have this throat pain? It is just on one side. I haven't had the pain you're describing but I did have difficulty swallowing for a good three months after I jumped. I had to cut food up really small and do mindful breathing when I ate. And for a long time, I couldn't eat out because the anxiety made my throat feel like it was going to close up. I think this was the result of anxiety for me.

 

Is this group for people who are basically normal? What's basically normal? We're all on this site for a reason - to come off benzos. You fit right in, my friend. We have lots of members with pre-existing mental health conditions. I'll stand by you any day. 

 

Do I need to delete my ticker? Nope. You may decide not to reinstate and consider what you just took a rescue dose. Many members take rescue doses. It's common. The problem with repeated rescue doses is it can lead to reinstatement.

 

I'm really glad you decided to come back and give us an update.

[Guest [rh...]]

Thank-you for replying, Mindseeker.

I am going to think it over.

 

I am afraid of alienating people if I don't reinstate. I seem to have already alienated my social worker.

OTOH I will become tolerant again if I reinstate and the effect is unpredictable.

 

I had to retract my statement about being suicidal, because the police would've forcibly taken me to the psych ward otherwise. Here, you can be detained against your will if you are thought to be a danger to yourself or others, and you can be medicated against your will. But I am still not sure about this.

 

This GP tomorrow is not my regular one and might not do anything unless the regular one says so (he is not available), so I might not be given any options anyway.

 

I think I might log off this site and try to distract until tomorrow, as I keep obsessing and there's nothing I can do right now anyway.

[Guest [Mi...]]

Yes, sometimes logging off and distracting is helpful. I've had to do that, too. Perhaps a movie or some relaxing music.

 

Good luck tomorrow. Please let us know how it goes.

 

Take care of yourself in the meantime. 

[Guest [rh...]]

I took another 2.5mg before bed and slept 8hrs without waking.

 

Saw GP this morning.

She could understand why I might want a psychiatrist as back up, but they don't think I need treatment and it could complicate things: is going to mention it to my regular GP and let him decide. I see him on 5th Dec.

She asked if I had enough diazepam and I said I didn't want more, that I had spent months coming off it, she said that's fine and I've done well to come off it.

I said I am still anxious, she said she could see that but I could take the rest of the pills I got last night (I have 3 left of 4)

 

Back home, I am still drowsy at 3.55pm and drinking coffee to try and stimulate myself enough to place an online grocery order.

This is how diazepam affected me when I first took it - years and years ago. I didn't like it!!! I can't think properly. It depresses me  :'(

 

I guess I am resensitized?

Does this mean my problems are no longer due to withdrawal?

Why is it such an anti-climax?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest [Mi...]]

I took another 2.5mg before bed and slept 8hrs without waking.

 

Saw GP this morning.

She could understand why I might want a psychiatrist as back up, but they don't think I need treatment and it could complicate things: is going to mention it to my regular GP and let him decide. I see him on 5th Dec.

She asked if I had enough diazepam and I said I didn't want more, that I had spent months coming off it, she said that's fine and I've done well to come off it.

I said I am still anxious, she said she could see that but I could take the rest of the pills I got last night (I have 3 left of 4)

 

Back home, I am still drowsy at 3.55pm and drinking coffee to try and stimulate myself enough to place an online grocery order.

This is how diazepam affected me when I first took it - years and years ago. I didn't like it!!! I can't think properly. It depresses me  :'(

 

I guess I am resensitized?

Does this mean my problems are no longer due to withdrawal?

Why is it such an anti-climax?

 

Hi. Sounds like you had a good appointment. I'll throw out a few answers to your questions and hopefully others will come along to help out.

 

I guess I am resensitized? I'm not sure what one or two rescue doses will do. But if it got you relief during an emergency, that's the important thing.

 

Does this mean my problems are no longer due to withdrawal? Well, that's a hard one. I have underlying mental health issues that have nothing to do with withdrawal. However, withdrawal is certainly exasperating them. But make no mistake about it - withdrawal is really, really hard even for members without pre-existing depression and anxiety. There are a lot of folks on this site who never had depression or anxiety before benzos and they are really struggling, so for folks like me and you, yes, we're getting slammed even more.

 

Why is it such an anti-climax? It's always a bummer when you seek relief and it doesn't work the way you need it to. But at least you got some sleep. And you didn't take the diazepman that you're GP offered. I'm not sure I'd call that anti-climatic at all. I'd say you're doing amazing.

 

Thanks for the update, rhu8arb. Hope you're having a good day. 

[Guest [rh...]]

Thanks for checking in on me, Mindseeker, I appreciate it

 

I'm feeling better this evening. I hope you have a good weekend.

 

[Guest [Mi...]]

I hope you have a good weekend too, rhu8arb.