Scared for tomorrow

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Well, i've had a much better day. This morning was tough but i have really pushed myself at work to feel better and gradually i have. Because tomorrow is my day off and this is so unpredictable, i have begun to fear the next day, not knowing what it will bring. i used to love my day off, however, i hate my own company. It seems so ridiculous when i have so much to do in the house (haven't cleaned for ages), it's like i have a mental block. I don't want to spend the day crying but think because i fear it, I will. This is crazy! can anyone relate?

[[Ch...]]

Spend your day off cleaning? 

 

I would plan something fun instead, at least for half the day.  I sometimes make a deal with myself that if I do something I don't want to do (like cleaning) I can do something I want to afterwards.

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Thanks Challis - i know what you mean it's just that i have let things slip so much it feels like my house represents my mind. if i could sort it i would feel like i'm getting somewhere and making progress. i just constantly beat myself up for not being productive - it sounds silly and trivial, it's just so scary, probably because i ended up having a meltdown last friday and have been in a horrible wave all week and today (this afternoon) is the first time I've felt reasonable since. My brain has turned to spagetti

[[go...]]

You could make a list of things to do tomorrow. Maybe clean one room. Like your bedroom. It will leave you with a sense of accomplishment. Also come up with some fun things. You could go to a movie. Take a hot lavender bath. Just some ideas. 

[[Ch...]]

Thanks Challis - i know what you mean it's just that i have let things slip so much it feels like my house represents my mind. if i could sort it i would feel like i'm getting somewhere and making progress. i just constantly beat myself up for not being productive - it sounds silly and trivial, it's just so scary, probably because i ended up having a meltdown last friday and have been in a horrible wave all week and today (this afternoon) is the first time I've felt reasonable since. My brain has turned to spagetti

 

This is a time when it's really okay to pamper yourself as much as you can, in my opinion, in fact it's the best thing to do in w/d.  Take as much stress off as possible.  Can you hire a housecleaner for a one-time cleaning?

 

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Thank you for your suggestions, I understand what you are saying, it makes sense, nothing seems like fun though.

 

i've finished work and my mood has dropped so low, I feel exhausted. I then feel panic set in that i'm going to fall into some depression. Is this normal? All this negative thinking. i think I may be dwelling a little on knowing my own mother thinks i'm just being miserable, she told my daughter so who  then told her I am not well at the moment and need support and encouragement. My daughter is only 17 but she gets it. She is wonderful and I despair at what this is doing to her. I just want to be the fun loving mum i used to be. I cry a lot lately, I did too months ago and I thought i was done with it. This is so horrible  :'(

 

i will make a list and try to do a couple of things, even if I cry while doing them. Is this really what coming of valium has done?

[[go...]]

I would say yes. Your brain is in disrepair but will get better. I wish I could cry. It is hard to express any emotion. I added you to my buddy list if you ever want to chat 

[[Ch...]]

Thank you for your suggestions, I understand what you are saying, it makes sense, nothing seems like fun though.

 

i've finished work and my mood has dropped so low, I feel exhausted. I then feel panic set in that i'm going to fall into some depression. Is this normal? All this negative thinking. i think I may be dwelling a little on knowing my own mother thinks i'm just being miserable, she told my daughter so who  then told her I am not well at the moment and need support and encouragement. My daughter is only 17 but she gets it. She is wonderful and I despair at what this is doing to her. I just want to be the fun loving mum i used to be. I cry a lot lately, I did too months ago and I thought i was done with it. This is so horrible  :'(

 

i will make a list and try to do a couple of things, even if I cry while doing them. Is this really what coming of valium has done?

 

For me, yes, this was all normal, or maybe I should say par for the course in this.  'Normal' will come back but it takes a frustratingly long time. 

 

Crying is also par for this course and releases endorphins, so cry away.  When it feels like the crying is tipping from a good cleansing to something darker, that's when I made a conscious effort to redirect my thoughts... like, 'Okay, enough already.  You had a good cry, now let's move on.' 

 

Easier said than done, but with practice it got easier for me.

 

 

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Thank you Goldilox, i didn't realise you could chat  i've added you too so the same applies. It does help to know there are others who understand... i hope you are doing ok as we are going through the same thing. 

 

Challis are you healed now? you are doing a wonderful thing by supporting others and yes i have cried while preparing my kids dinner and i feel a bit better, they are both out so it's ok to cry. they see enough of it, bless them  Redirecting thoughts sound like a skill I need to learn.