i honestly truly feel like i am dying dont read if you scared

[[...]]

i have to go to er either tonite or tomorrow i am 45 years old alone at home live w parents they went to hawaii gone for 10 more days i have christian lady friend (older 65 years old taking me er and calls me on phone) sister doesnt understand thinks i just need to quit benzo n i afraid here alone cant lift my arm up pain going to head neck throat, heart feels like its my heart too pain now beginning in right arm!!!  its traveling fast whatever this is feel flu i mean bad bad sick gagging worse than flu feel like my blood vessels are swelling up toes still red for over a year now red spots tendons showing hands arms so skinny no more muscles there so so weak too weak to sleep

 

please please pray for me i scared to go to er i have to go though i afraid they wont find my fatal disease. please please please pray for me im in the worst agony of my life this is worse than an animal suffering i feel like lower than an animal i fear doom at er i have red spots on my left arm and they come and go on my skin and rash or red specs all over my back severe  finger nails ridges so bad the nails look like they are wavy now.  agitation/akathisia inner gut no thirst or hunger anymore all i can do is lay here in the dark eyes burning alone hopeless darkness please please pray the dr's find something they can help me with!!!!!!!!!!! please my left hand hurts when i type muscle loss in left hand joints in left side of body and back very painful hurts to stan up i am afraidi to die.  please please pray for me its been years for me seems no answers only punishment or i dont know what alone terrified n  so so so weak.

 

i have chills and takes at least 3 days to go to bathroom after 1 meal every 24 hours only eat after remeron lat late at night or 1am.  i drink water and takes so so so long to pee sometimes not til the next day then its so bright yellow my belly gut retains water but the rest of my body dries up and i have skin crumbs always coming off my face and if i shave my beard there is huge red splotch on my entire chin  low bp, low body temp chills chills chills so so sick!+

 

she coming for me now to take me i am so scared dont know what to do feel like i am dying truly i do

[[Go...]]

Kian,

 

I'm praying for you right now.

 

GG

[[sn...]]

Kian,

 

I just prayed for you!  God is with you!  If feel so bad for you my heart breaks for you.  I don't want you to suffer.  I'm praying for the  doctors that they'll be able to find out whatis causing you to be sick.

 

I love you!

God bless you and keep you,

Deborah

 

 

[[Be...]]

Kian, God help you.  Please let us know how you're doing?  I care about you and will pray for you hard right now and tonight. 

[[...]]

DEAR KIAN,

 

my heart goes to you

i will pray for you today

 

may the LORD protect you and keep you safe....

 

love

eva

[[...]]

Dear Kian ,

can you please update us, how are you doing?

 

it got a bit better?

 

praying for you

eva

[[...]]

thx for prayers went to er tests negative still suffering have to go to dr for more tests on 18th still not able to sleep dont know if they ever find out what is wrong with me i thank you all for your prayers.  i will try to update on my blog if i find out what is going on thanks sincerely for the prayers i need them  sorry dont feel like reply to everyone now i feel sick but wanted to update since so many people show love and concern its so scary when you know something severe is wrong but nothing shows on tests.  it feels like a curse or something.  want to reply to each of you when or if i ever feel any better or get any sleep.  will keep update on my blog in sig  much love  kian

[[sn...]]

Kian,

 

Praying for you!  Glad your home and your safe!  Be good to yourself.  I'm praying that the doctors will find out what is gong on.

 

I love you,

Deborah

[[be...]]

Praying for you too...Bets

[[el...]]

Praying for you Kian.  Nothing was found in the er, so try to rest now at home.  Will be thinking of you.

 

Ellen

[[Di...]]

Sending prayers for you.

 

[[...]]

doctorts dont know what thye doing.  im dying here suffering worse than ever and i know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

they dont find anything in the blood but i am dying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the pain is excruciating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

the stench is foul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

i guess they dont care enough to findout the real problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

maybe my cold stiff stinking rotting dead body will be enough evidence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

it's not in my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[[sn...]]

I know it's real I'm so very sorry!  I just prayed for you.  I'm praying you'll be blessed with a doctor that can help you.  There is one don't give up, keep fighting!  You have this! 

 

Love you,

Deborah

[[Be...]]

Kian, the medical world is completely insane and blind.  I know that you are suffering from this w/d.  People not understanding makes the stress 1000x worse.  We are completely alone with this in the real world, but not on this forum.  I'm praying for you.