i just need reassurance again....please dont hate me

[[Be...]]

Started my month 10 still no windows.

I am terrified in a dark world full of anxiety. Same level 24/7

I was normal before this. I just cant believe this anymore.

I get scared at time that this scared me so much that i cant find myself out of this world.

It is hard if you havent seen yourself for 2 sec since nearly a year. Because it started on ativan.

I am just loosing it and so scared i have to take meds to save my life because they will only make it worse.

And yes i try to do the stuff i am told.

Feel like i am gone forever. If i dont see anything the next few days i will loose it.  :'( still getting through the minutes. What if i am so terrified of not healing, which everyone does i know, tjat i just dont notice that i am ok...you know what i mean?

I know i annoy you guys but i have no one else who believes me

[[Be...]]

I wake up a lot at night and sometimes i really want schnitzel, lol, maybe that is like a 3 second window? God i am like a insane person.

If i would loose the fear of not healing i would maybe be healed....

[Guest [Mi...]]

You don't annoy me at all. I'm glad you're posting because that's what we're all here for. 

 

I'm sorry you're still suffering so much. Unfortunately, we have members who take longer to heal. You're not doing anything wrong. It just takes a really long time.

 

I know in the past you've mentioned you can exercise and eat well and I believe you mentioned trying guided meditations. Just keep doing these types of activities and distracting as much as possible.

 

Hope you feel better soon. 

[[...]]

Hang in there, it does get better. I'm living proof! Yes it does take some of us longer but everyday will bring more healing. Just try to distract your self. I know that seems difficult but it does help. Hugs

[[Be...]]

If i dont train my brain of my fear of tv or travelling or outside or everything really will it still go??

[Guest [Mi...]]

If i dont train my brain of my fear of tv or travelling or outside or everything really will it still go??

 

Yes, I really believe it will. Why it takes longer for some people than others, I don't know. Your CNS is just really compromised right now. I spent many nights unable to listen to anything other than really gentle guided meditations. But the past couple of weeks, I've been watching crime shows. So I know it does get better.

 

I like your comment about "train my brain." When I was having problems with suicidal and looping thoughts, I'd listen to Jon Kabat-Zinn, Tara Brach, and Mooji just about 24/7. I played them on YouTube and would listen through headphones at work. Then I'd let guided meditation videos play at night and I swear I felt better in the morning evening though I slept through them.

 

I've been more and more calm. Who knows - maybe I AM training my brain! 

[[Be...]]

I just dont get it how its supposed to stop if it never stops....

And this just being on this shit for 10 weeks. I am off it 3 times longer than i was on it!!

[[13...]]

Benzomoma

I'm going to be off for 1 year next week and I suffer immensely. It is still beyond what words can describe. I haven't had a window in 6 weeks and that only last 2 hours. My dp/dr reved up in June and is so intense that I have pressure in my head until about 5 pm everyday when it "lifts." It doesn't lift in that I received windows, it's just that the headache pressure goes away. It shows absolutely no signs of letting up. I know, I totally know! I also don't know what the hell is w/d anymore. I haven't felt myself for almost a year.

I do EVERYTHING I can and I'm suppose to do as far as distracting and healthy lifestyle, etc.

We just have to keep hanging on. I don't see any alternatives.

Be well!

[[Ch...]]

I'm right there with you. Trying so hard to keep going and like you, trying to distract but never managing it, ever. The psychological torment is unthinkable. I keep thinking I want to go on something to stop it but I can't tolerate anything.

 

Maybe your cravings for schnitzel are a good sign!

[[...]]

Do what ever you want to soothe yourself. If certain things bother you that you used to enjoy but don't now are upsetting you like a TV show or movie or even going out, try to remember that yes the "normal" you will come back. It did for me. I hope this helps a little.

What I truly want to say to anyone during this time of w/d is, it WILL get better!!  ;D