Brain Fog, Photophobia, Dry and Painful Eyes after 7 months

[[La...]]

7 months off Klonopin after 16 years taking it. Only one who´s gone thorough this will understand my hell.  I had a good window of about 2 weeks and I felt confident to begin working again. I got a job, but the first day I woke up early (about 6:30 am, 3 hours earlier than I was) and God, everything returned just as in the first weeks or during taper. That was 10 days ago and I haven´t had one single good moment ever since. I thought it was over but not. And I have to work in these conditions or I´ll starve. Bad, bad thing. Only depression seems to be less harsh as before, though I´ll begin to depress in these conditions soon. I´m now in La Paz, Mexico, a beautiful seashore city, working. Everything is beautiful but I feel like in hell. Anything anybody can say? Same experiences, haw many months did you suffer, if ever, will I ever be over this? Thank you.

[[bl...]]

Laudante,

 

Sorry you are going through so much  . I know how hard it is to deal with this crap and work, I have had to work during my WD as well. Not sure what kind of job you have, mine is pretty simple, so I have been pretty lucky, though I was forced to take early retirement because of the effects of the darn Benzo. It's possible that the stress of a new job caused you to loose your window, but look at it this way  . You have made it through so far and work, many folks aren't able to do that. Keep in touch here, the encouragement/verification of your symptoms you will find is worth a million bucks. 

 

Sixteen years is a  long time on K. Unfortunately no one can say for sure how long your WD will last, but I can say that if you will just hang in there you will get better and better. One day it will just be a bad memory. 

[[ca...]]

8 months here as a short term user.  I really thought id be out of the woods by now but i feel so alien.  Why is it that i cant connect my thoughts to what i want to convey??  And each word coming out of my mouth has a start and stop to it instead of flowing sentences.  I end up not talking due to it.  It feels like a lack of ability to make complex thoughts.  Do u feel this??

[[ni...]]

I hear you, I'm 7 months off valium and have just completed 3 weeks of an intense TEFL couse with one week to go. How I'm hanging on I don't know but I'm severely rekindled as a result of the external stress. I try to get by by replaying motivation videos from youtube, crying when I feel like it, forcing myself to do a bit of physical exercise every day and eating as well as possible. When I'm too sressed out my eyes sting and become very dry and I literally can't see so I have to close my eyes and take deep breaths. I really don't know whether its better to avoid this stress or push on through regardless. If I knew for certain that these symptoms are just uncomfortable with no harm being done I would do my best to push through them, but sometimes I feel that the body should not be under such intense stress for such prolonged periods. Anyway I understand completely what your're going through, I wish you well and hopefully these hard times which have come on us will eventually pass...

[[...]]

I can relate to every word here at 7 months off valium. I wasn't on that high a dose and never increased, maybe I was in tolerance at some point, idk. All I do know is that these waves seem to be more intense and the fear is so profound, probably because you start to doubt that life will ever be good again. I too have worked all the way through this, I seriously don't know how. The cog fog is really bad these last few days, dizzy, low, trying to stay positive. It feels like the hardest longest fight EVER. Sometimes I know I know I have to push through but feel frozen in fear with weak jelly legs. I went to supermarket yesterday and walked round in a complete fuzzy daze, BUT I DID IT! Does anyone else look at other people and wonder if anyone is suffering like this? 

[[ca...]]

Marj- way to go on the supermarket!  I would wonder if people suffer like we do, except i can't even look at anyone...literally.  My eyes wonder and i find that if i catch anyones eyes i will do a loop de loop and look in any direction but theirs.  Ugh i must look mental lol.

[[Po...]]

I'm 11 months off now, although I think it's possible I ruined the whole thing by reinstating amitriptyline. Tapering that has been so hard that I cannot describe it. A lot of sensitivities have started this year: light, sounds (+ other ear problems). I think I have had one window, early this Fall. After that is been horrible, although I fight this feeling. I have to hold my amitriptyline taper now, I'm too scared that these sensitivities will get even worse. I'm having very dark thoughts because of them.

 

I should have never started benzos and once they were started I should never have quit them. I was pretty much ok those years. There were some problems,  it I wasn't neurologically damaged. I have lost my voice to the extent I can work only a couple of hours in an environment where there is no background noise. Then I can be heard and my voice allows me to teach 3-4 hours. I can't sing. When on benzos I made three cds of my own songs. I had a durable voice. I didn't have tinnitus although I never liked loud music. I was perfectly healthy, except my original condition.

 

I am one of those who think it's too much. Who doubt if they can live through it. I could, I think, if I only knew my damage would ease someday, so that I could play acoustic instruments and sing. I also think that it's curious that there are not actors and singers here or elsewhere reporting how they got rid of benzos. So many of them have used alcohol and drugs I think it's almost inevitable many would have used benzos at some point. And those who die seem to have benzos or some other psychotropic digs in their blood. Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, Robin Williams.

[[La...]]

Hello, friends. Anyone still here?

 

I apollogize for abandoning my own thread, but I really don´t recall any notification of your answers. Who knows.

 

Thanks for the encouraging words. Let me tell you that just some days after I wrote this a worderful window of almost 2 months began. I stayed in La Paz for one month and I was dancing, swimming, riding jet sky, enjoying life a lot. Minos sxs only. But in month 9 I received a very stressing news and that put me in a wave. I made some stupid things, like taking one dose of K in a stupid attempt to reinstate, and it only gave me paradoxical sxs and put me again in acute, like in month 1. I´m still suffering a lot, but for 3 days I¨ve had some windows of hours here and there.

 

And you? How are y´all?