repeatedly overwheming/traumatizing myself--- anyone else? Possible to recover?

[[sp...]]

I'm 2 and a half years out.  I'm just now learning the value of taking better care of myself.  I have been overwhelming/overstimulating myself on a daily basis, multiple times a day for at least 3 years now. I can't help it.  I didn't think there'd be any lasting effects.  But for example, I'd get on the internet and after a few minutes be so overwhelmed and spaced out that it'd be hours until I could track my eyes again/feel more normal.  I didn't think it'd have any lasting effects.  However, recently I've learned that trauma is when you overwhelm your systems.  You deepen the grooves of trauma pathways on your brain.  I am now wondering if I can fully recover, as I've been repeatedly overwhelming myself for so long.  Anyone else been through this and fully recover?  I'm sorry, I can't really read the board for stories because I get overwhelmed, but anybody have any encouragement?

[[me...]]

Unfortunately, for some of us it does take a long time to heal. I'd suggest distracting yourself with things that don't "overwhelm" you.  Old movies, art, old tv shows, arts and crafts, housework, gardening, pets, food, anything that calms you down.  The fact is you can and will heal. But you have to stop telling yourself that you can't!  This is a "benzo lie," it's very common, most of us have it to some degree or another.  Instead, focus on things that have improved for you, no matter how insignificant. Write them down.  All this will help in the long run.

 

[[Mi...]]

Megan, I needed to read that right now. I have been paralyzed with fear lately: fear that I won't heal, fear that I won't ever sleep, fear that I won't ever feel the same emotions again.

 

It is so bad I do nothing most days, just sit around. Laundry is piled up, the house is dirty, I am not spending time with my kids.

 

I played around with my K dosage (trying to lower it and then going back up), went back and forth from K to V directly a couple of times, and then did a fast taper off 7.5 mgs of V (six weeks). I am afraid I damaged myself forever.

 

I am fearful and overwhelmed. I know you say we heal, but I have read Dr. Ashton say that some people do seem to suffer from protracted symptoms that last until death.

 

This is such a nightmare.

[[Ra...]]

We are all self harming. Let's be clear what self harming is. Self harming is when you cause your body to become damaged in any way shape or form. It can be OBVIOUS for example cutting yourself but in most cases the self harm is very under the radar. Most of us harmed ourselves with drugs that damage the body and brain. Some of us still harm ourselves, with crappy junk food. Lack of exercise. We might ruminate constantly BEATING ourselves up mentally for hours on end. It's a really NASTY habit. My God it's difficult to break...

[[sp...]]

Thanks all for your replies.  This IS a nightmare.  I can barely do anything.

 

Neurofeedback has helped a lot.....it clears trauma from your brain..........but I wonder if even THAT will be enough.  I recommend Neurofeedback though, to anybody. It's been a lifesaver for me.

 

I am so mad at those doctors/the system.  It's just not fair but I guess that's how life goes.

 

I think it's important though, that we stand up for ourselves somehow. 

[[Ra...]]

Thanks all for your replies.  This IS a nightmare.  I can barely do anything.

 

Neurofeedback has helped a lot.....it clears trauma from your brain..........but I wonder if even THAT will be enough.  I recommend Neurofeedback though, to anybody. It's been a lifesaver for me.

 

I am so mad at those doctors/the system.  It's just not fair but I guess that's how life goes.

 

I think it's important though, that we stand up for ourselves somehow.

 

Amen to that. Thank you for the recommendation, I will look into neurofeedback. Keep up the good work. 

[[sp...]]

  Thanks, you too!