Panic about tomorrow!!!

[Guest [rh...]]

Tomorrow is a big family event…christening ceremony for SIL's newborn twins plus party for mother’s 70th birthday…got in such a panic last week that I backed out of it after saying I might make it, but am under a lot of pressure from family esp my father

 

I have free-running sleep pattern…documented for many years and on disability for it …woke at 7pm today so will be awake all night. To force myself to be awake all day would not just be tiring but give me jet lag for about a week…previously this is the sort of thing I’d take extra diazepam for…but now I’ve stopped I have to stand up to family.

 

I started a distance learning course in Oct and have an assignment…. can’t afford to fuck up my brain anymore than it already is from withdrawal…

 

But have felt so guilty cos my excuses just don't cut it with family that I phoned this evening to find out what was happening…thought maybe I could make it to the christening if it was early enough…but then speaking to my dad I realised what a bad idea it would be…he managed to make several digs about me not having a job and tried to guilt trip me into staying awake all day…I had hoped for some compromise. I managed to stand my ground…have simply said I will pop round 1st thing tomorrow before the Events to see the twins….won’t see most of the rest of the family as they’re just meeting at the church…but speaking to my dad has set off a panic attack and I wish I’d never phoned or agreed to anything!!

 

Please send me some vibes to stay cool as I’ll be worrying all night. I’ve a lump in my throat, churning stomach, thumping heart and feeling of dread...

 

[[Kg...]]

rhu8arb - You can only do what you can in our situation but sometimes if you tell yourself you can't do something it becomes true just like if you tell yourself you can do something it also becomes true. For example I had my daughter's out of town wedding to go to - so I had to travel, be with people the entire night before and 250 people for the wedding as mother of the bride - so you can imagine my stress.  I couldn't not do this so I told myself I could and with the help and prayers of many here on BB I did do it and had a great time.  I know others here have had the same type of challenges and we do 'make it'.  I know this may not be what you want to hear and I understand your issues with day being night etc  so perhaps for this event you won't be able to attend but in the future instead of saying no you can't - tell yourself you can do it and think about it in a positive way and then do it even if you don't feel like you can and sometimes life surprises you - and you will feel good being with your family and celebrating the good things in your life. 

[Guest [Mi...]]

I think you also have to look at the stress that comes from NOT doing things. I've gone to a few birthday celebrations for friends over the summer simply because it was easier to spend a couple of hours faking it and then going home and not worrying about them ragging on me for not going. I just looked at it as a chore that needed to be done.

 

If they are going to give you a ton of grief for a long time afterwards, maybe you can go and just see how you feel. Take breaks away from people if you need to.

 

Good luck. I know this is really tough during withdrawal.

[Guest [rh...]]

I guess I should have said that I have Aspergers as well and that I get WAY more stressed from forcing myself to be normal than from not doing stuff. I don't really understand why anyone forces themselves to have these "celebrations" if they're so stressful.

 

I got this way every year at Xmas since moving to be near my parents, and would end up suicidal and in emergency dept by New Year.

Not everyone can just fake normal and be OK with it.

 

Withdrawal makes it a million times worse....sorry I was hoping for some support, not to be told to suck it up.

 

 

 

 

[Guest [Mi...]]

I guess I should have said that I have Aspergers as well and that I get WAY more stressed from forcing myself to be normal than from not doing stuff. I don't really understand why anyone forces themselves to have these "celebrations" if they're so stressful.

 

I got this way every year at Xmas since moving to be near my parents, and would end up suicidal and in emergency dept by New Year.

Not everyone can just fake normal and be OK with it.

 

Withdrawal makes it a million times worse....sorry I was hoping for some support, not to be told to suck it up.

 

Aw, rhu8arb, I didn't mean you should just "suck it up" at all.  I'm sorry if it came across that way.

 

I didn't realize you were dealing with Aspergers.  I know during withdrawal I've had problems being social. I'm shy so I've always had some problems anyways, but not to this extent.  So I can't even imagine how this is affecting you.

 

Don't push yourself to the point of getting sick. Withdrawal takes so long, I know I've pushed my friends to the limit of their patience  sometimes because I've cancelled on them so many times. I try to get out there when I can, and I do push myself a lot. But that's not always the healthiest.

 

Do what you can, but don't beat yourself up for the stuff you can't.

 

Withdrawal is hard. But it's so much harder when you have other illnesses and disorders to cope with.

 

Sending you a hug. 

 

 

 

 

[Guest [rh...]]

Thanks, Mindseeker.

 

I will say more - for anyone else who is reading. At Christmas I know NOW the stress is coming and I arrange in advance so that I'm sleeping at night. Then I book a night or 2 away around the 27th/28th December, as an escape so that I am not subjected to stress for 2 weeks when everyone is here. I don't go for the meals and see people on my own terms. This strategy is something I've been working on with my social worker and GP. And so I have recently not ended up in emergency.

 

But this occasion tomorrow was arranged at too short notice for me to put coping strategies in place.

 

My sleep pattern is scheduled to be on days for Xmas and I've already booked a hotel. If I was to shift it now, I'd need to shift it back again before Xmas in order to be sociable then. That would totally screw up my studies, one of the things that gives me a sense of self-worth.

 

I get judged for not being productive AND for being unscociable, but if I prioritise being sociable and keeping normal hours then I can't function in other ways and get judged for that.

 

OK I'll leave it now.

 

[Guest [Mi...]]

You're still very much in acute. Hopefully by Christmas, some of the intensity of withdrawal will be a bit better. It sounds like you've got a really good plan. Getting sleep is really important.

 

Good luck this weekend, whether you decide to go or to stay. I've been judged many times for being "inappropriately bipolar" so I guess we all have our good and bad days. I wish other people would be more understanding about folks who think and act differently.

 

Take care of yourself. 

[Guest [rh...]]

Thanks 

[[Ga...]]

im same way

just panic at thought of socializing.

good luck to you

[[No...]]

Tomorrow is a big family event…christening ceremony for SIL's newborn twins plus party for mother’s 70th birthday…got in such a panic last week that I backed out of it after saying I might make it, but am under a lot of pressure from family esp my father

 

I have free-running sleep pattern…documented for many years and on disability for it …woke at 7pm today so will be awake all night. To force myself to be awake all day would not just be tiring but give me jet lag for about a week…previously this is the sort of thing I’d take extra diazepam for…but now I’ve stopped I have to stand up to family.

 

I started a distance learning course in Oct and have an assignment…. can’t afford to fuck up my brain anymore than it already is from withdrawal…

 

But have felt so guilty cos my excuses just don't cut it with family that I phoned this evening to find out what was happening…thought maybe I could make it to the christening if it was early enough…but then speaking to my dad I realised what a bad idea it would be…he managed to make several digs about me not having a job and tried to guilt trip me into staying awake all day…I had hoped for some compromise. I managed to stand my ground…have simply said I will pop round 1st thing tomorrow before the Events to see the twins….won’t see most of the rest of the family as they’re just meeting at the church…but speaking to my dad has set off a panic attack and I wish I’d never phoned or agreed to anything!!

 

Please send me some vibes to stay cool as I’ll be worrying all night. I’ve a lump in my throat, churning stomach, thumping heart and feeling of dread...

            Hi rhu8arb,

                    Sending you some good vibes to stay cool. Your doing this for the right reasons. I've been right there with you.... Family things.....

            I simply state I'll do the best I can, if I can make it I will, if not, I call and wish all a great party. No guilt.........okay.

 

            I hate not having a chance to make a good decision,  it's not an emergency. That's different....

            Your health is more important right now. I'm sure you could find time this coming week to see the twins and your Mother.

           

            Take a deep breath,  and put this on the shelf tonight. Congratulations on being V Free.

 

            Hugs

              Notforme

         

[[Mi...]]

Rhu,    I have learned a great deal during this withdrawal.  The greatest thing I have learned is the word NO.  I don't think that word was apart of my language before.  Lol,  and believe Me its been hell learnin it.  But, I believe whole heartily that right now it is essential to our healing process that we stay away from all unnecessary stress.. And its sooooo very Important to be kind to ourselves. Its ok to put your needs first for now......  You should give yourself permission to do this.  Honestly,  I have made more progress doing this over the past two weeks than I had in 8 months.  Really, truely after I accepted this advice from a therapist I trust my daily panic attacks have vanished...  Which I never had before this wd...  We will heal when we heal.  Sometimes you pushing yourself through can cause more damage. .. Especially when your nervous system can simply not handle certain things right now.  Please please be kind to yourself first right now. ..............

[[Te...]]

A little under two months off Klonopin, I had to meet with my new doctor for the first time. The only reason I went was because I had to get a new prescription for blood pressure pills, and I couldn't get them without seeing her. I made it through, but it was way too stressful for me. It took me a couple of days to calm down.

 

One of the most important things I've learned in w/d is to finally start following my gut above anything else. If your gut is telling you one thing but you're getting pressure from outside sources to do another, I'd go with my gut. I've spent a great deal of my life NOT following it, and I can see now that not doing so led me down the wrong path umpteen times.

 

If family and friends don't understand, well, it's certainly not the first time that family and friends haven't understood benzo w/d! It's rampant to be misunderstood while going through this.

[Guest [rh...]]

Thank you all very much for your replies. It means a lot to me 

 

I didn't manage to calm down before the morning, just got more and more nauseous and faint feeling.

 

Ended up calling my mum to wish her Happy Birthday and saying sorry I was ill during the night and couldn't make it. She was fine with that. I already have invited her for a day out shopping and lunch for when I am awake all day and left presents for the twins. I don't know if I will see them before they go back home, but I did make a trip to visit at the end of August and will see them again at Christmas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Te...]]

You did everything that you could do, and it worked out beautifully!!! Congratulations!!!

[Guest [rh...]]

Thanks Terry 

[[Kg...]]

Rhu- I didn't realize when I replied that you also had Asperger's which certainly does make a difference as to what you can and cannot do.  I just have the normal stress from withdrawal which is enough but I do think you have it tougher - again though sometimes being positive helps - that is all I was saying to you and then you do what you can - saying no if you need to and yes when you can.  Even when I say yes it is still hard to do whatever it is I have agreed to do- and it seems you have too.  Glad things worked out for you. 

[Guest [rh...]]

Thanks Kgirl, I'm glad I said no this time, but I agree it helps to have a positive outlook overall