Do not want to reinstate

[[dr...]]

I jumped off Librium at 0.42ml exactly a week ago, after a 23 month taper. It has been a week since my last dose and I have been experiencing fairly extreme symptoms. In a hysterical fit of rage, I dosed last night with Librium, the amount I am not even sure of. I know my behavior was erratic, especially for someone as cautious and calculating as I usually am, but I was suffering severely. I took a swig from the bottle and that was that. It is not my intention to reinstate, I want to continue to stay off the medication. I have worked so very hard to get to this point and this happened.

 

Please someone assure me that I need not continue back on my taper for just one dose. I know this is confusing to my brain, but I will push through no matter how difficult. Did one dose sabotage everything? Please tell me no.

 

Thanks,

DF

[[be...]]

I wish I knew how much you took. I bet you wish the same thing. Was it a large swig or a small swig? I don't think you need to reinstate with a one updose deal. But for your benefit, try not to do this again. Bets

[[ea...]]

I don't think you need to taper again...you don't know how much you took so how could you design a taper? I also don't think you have set yourself back, at least not much. The big question is - why on earth did you still have Librium in your home? If I were in your shoes (and I have been!) I would get rid of all remaining pills, and move forward. You are very early out, and are still in acute withdrawal - the time when the worst symptoms happen to most people. If you tough it out, you will heal. But first - get rid of those pills so you wont be tempted again.

east

[[dr...]]

Thanks to both of you. It was a small swig, not a big gulp, so hopefully it didn't set me back. Eastcoast you are absolutely right, I should have thrown that bottle out ASAP after my last dose. It was such a mental dividend being off, I didn't anticipate the rage. Not using my head, I didn't even think that I couldn't structure a taper around a swig, my mind is so foggy. I don know why I didn't discard the remainder, as it as never my intention to start the poison back up again. It's gone for good now.

 

I know this is an acute stage for symptoms, so why I didn't figure on me suffering is beyond me. I am suffering from severe battle fatigue I guess, I am exhausted and confused.

 

Thanks

DF

[[ea...]]

DF, you're only human and humans make mistakes. You made one. Big deal! If you learn from it, it was worth making it. Im glad you got rid of it.

Very, very few of us knew what we were in for. I honestly thought that benzo withdrawal would be sort of like having the flu, and Id be fine in a week or two. NOT! My acute stage lasted well over a month, and didn't get much better after that.

But, as I have slowly healed, I have come to realize that everything I was told here was true. I WAS healing, even when I felt just awful. As long as I didn't take another benzo, I was healing just fine. And, you will too. This is only a tiny setback, not one you should worry about. Let it go, put it behind you and move on.

Yes, exhaustion and fatigue will affect your body and mind. This IS an exhausting business, withdrawal is. But we get over it, because it is not the same as having a disease. You are not ILL, you are recovering.

east

[[be...]]

DF, you're only human and humans make mistakes. You made one. Big deal! If you learn from it, it was worth making it. Im glad you got rid of it.

Very, very few of us knew what we were in for. I honestly thought that benzo withdrawal would be sort of like having the flu, and Id be fine in a week or two. NOT! My acute stage lasted well over a month, and didn't get much better after that.

But, as I have slowly healed, I have come to realize that everything I was told here was true. I WAS healing, even when I felt just awful. As long as I didn't take another benzo, I was healing just fine. And, you will too. This is only a tiny setback, not one you should worry about. Let it go, put it behind you and move on.

Yes, exhaustion and fatigue will affect your body and mind. This IS an exhausting business, withdrawal is. But we get over it, because it is not the same as having a disease. You are not ILL, you are recovering.

east

 

Hey ya to that, east.

[[dr...]]

east,

 

You're the best! Thanks for reassuring me that my set back is nothing to worry about, and for encouraging me to keep moving forward. I have been really struggling the past couple of months, and especially since I took my last dose. The first couple of days I actually felt ok, although still experiencing pretty bad symptoms but it was tolerable. Well that didn't last long, within a week of being off all hell broke loose. Major DP/DR and emotional blunting, I am totally flat, NO feeling of any kind. I keep asking my husband if I am dead. I sob uncontrollably for hours at a time, mainly because I fear that I am not healing and that something went terribly wrong with my taper. I feel as if this is how I am going to be, desensitized to everything. I no longer know who I am, I feel and look dead.

 

It encourages me to know that you had similar feelings as I have, and yet you have healed. And yes, I was NOT prepared for what this journey. Prior to starting my taper, I came off of pain medication which I was on for six years, in less than two weeks, and never thought about it again. I was under the impression that my K would be slightly longer, but NEVER anticipated the nightmare nor the amount of time that I had to invest. Like yourself, I thought it was like having the flu as well.

 

I hope my acute stage doesn't last as long as yours did, I can only imagine how you must have suffered. I am not too familiar with this acute stage so I really don't know what to expect. Healing! But after 22 months of torture, you would think that the end would be the end, but unfortunately it isn't so.

 

Thanks for the encouragement... It seems like I need more support now than I did during my taper. It is just so awfully difficult, barbaric is what is truly is.

 

Thanks again east,

DF