Please help me. Looking for support in Philadelphia area.

[Guest [pa...]]

I am now honing in on 7.5 months out and for the last 1.5 months I have hit a level of fear/paranoia that far supersedes anything I have experienced in the past.  About 1.5 months ago I got into a physical altercation due to my benzo brain and the energy that I experienced in that moment was something outrageous.  Since that time it has been increasingly difficult to function in any way shape or form. I have been losing touch with reality and the voice that said "Keep going" has almost dissapeared. My brain constantly feels like it is hemorrhaging and I can hear what sound like "tearing" inside of my skull. Every time I start walking/moving I go into this vicious cycle. My "energy" in my brain is way to high and I am very defensive, aggressive, hostile, and paranoid. If I don't get help soon I see no other way than to commit suicide for this is beyond my abilities right now. I know I will keep trying because this is too much, but I need a break.

 

Leading to my point, I figured I throw a hail mary and see if anyone lives around the Philadelphia area who has seen what appears to be hell for a continued amount of time. And if anyone can does could you PM me? I need to find a fuc**ing professional in this area because everyone I go to is either a joke or I am just too far gone to receive help. Any help will be appreciated.

[[Ja...]]

pauliojr,

 

Hang in there. I'm sure someone who lives near will respond.

 

I feel for you. I am much farther out and really struggling with both physical and mental sx, but mostly physical.

 

This is no easy deal we are in.

 

Sending prayers for you. Please continue to post. People here can talk to you.

 

            Jadetortoise

[[em...]]

Hi there - I live near Philadelphia, but I'm not really sure how much  help I can be in.  I'm fighting my own battles as well and as much as I would love to reach out to you and hang out, I'm damn agoraphobic and there's no way in hell I can venture into the city at this point.  But I could maybe help you out in finding a therapist?  I used to work for the University of Penn and they have a pretty good behavioral health system.

[[pr...]]

i've been feeling the same way since the non stop symptoms prove too much and makes me feeling constantly traumatized.

 

but that feeling you described

hemorrhaging and I can hear what sound like "tearing" inside of my skull. Every time I start walking/moving I go into this vicious cycle. My "energy" in my brain is way to high and I am very defensive, aggressive, hostile, and paranoid.

 

is just heavy waves and most likely waves of the too much glutamate activity that needs to calm down. it's that glutmate that makes us feel nuts and crazy and like we can't go on. you've got to keep telling yourself that it's a wave and it will calm down at some point. i know how hard it is when it's constant and every hour of the day, i'm going through that myself. my brain never fucking stops squeezing down and has this awful surge and vibration running through it.

 

i told my family that i would have to find someone to put me down if it never stops. i'm giving it some more time. it's just an awful withdrawal that makes us feel that it will always be this way. but i've had partial windows that tells me that it will let up at some point -- so hang in there!

[[mi...]]

Hi P

 

What can be said?........I hear you that this feels completely hopeless and I get it......but why not fight for your life.....it will be so worth it when you to the get to the other side....

 

What would you say to someone you love if they were going to end it?....I am sure you would do anything in your power to keep them safe....can you do that for yourself.....

 

Death is permanent.....withdrawal is not.......please hang in there......maybe the only thing you can do right now is keep yourself alive.....

 

Can you entertain the possibility that this will end?....Just a little glimmer of hope can pull you through another hour......another day.....

 

So many people on here say they wanted to end it.......then a window opens, even if its just a minute......and then when this hell ends they say they are so glad they kept fighting......

 

Please take care of yourself, your healing could be just around the corner...... :therethere:mmm

[Guest [pa...]]

Hi P

 

What can be said?........I hear you that this feels completely hopeless and I get it......but why not fight for your life.....it will be so worth it when you to the get to the other side....

 

What would you say to someone you love if they were going to end it?....I am sure you would do anything in your power to keep them safe....can you do that for yourself.....

 

Death is permanent.....withdrawal is not.......please hang in there......maybe the only thing you can do right now is keep yourself alive.....

 

Can you entertain the possibility that this will end?....Just a little glimmer of hope can pull you through another hour......another day.....

 

So many people on here say they wanted to end it.......then a window opens, even if its just a minute......and then when this hell ends they say they are so glad they kept fighting......

 

Please take care of yourself, your healing could be just around the corner...... :therethere:mmm

 

Thank you, I know it's just the wave talking. It just gets so difficult when it is so constant, you say some really stupid things. You're right I just have to take this minute by minute, hour by hour.

[Guest [pa...]]

Hi there - I live near Philadelphia, but I'm not really sure how much  help I can be in.  I'm fighting my own battles as well and as much as I would love to reach out to you and hang out, I'm damn agoraphobic and there's no way in hell I can venture into the city at this point.  But I could maybe help you out in finding a therapist?  I used to work for the University of Penn and they have a pretty good behavioral health system.

 

I hear ya, leaving this house is a little too much most of the time. I found a therapist today in Bala-Cynwyd and am scheduled to go there next week so we shall see what happens. Thank you for the reply.