Huge wave of DPDR

[[em...]]

I've been keeping my head down and plowing through but I am in a huge wave right now.  DP/DR is so through the roof it's giving me panic attacks again.  I can deal with the physical stuff... he'll even the depression.  But this is maddening.  Will this go away for good at some point? How do I know I'm not simply going crazy???

 

[[Ra...]]

Have you looked into mindfulness? It may be beneficial. I look out at the world sometimes and it looks super dark and the colours are all messed up but what I do is smile at it and enjoy the craziness. It helps to have a sense of humour at times. I think the only thing you can do is change your perspective. It will help time go by quicker if you focus less on your symptoms.

[[co...]]

I'm there myself right now.  Mornings are still the hardest time of the day for me.  Anxiety seems to go hand in hand with the dp and its centered in the pit of my stomach.  It's such a lonely feeling...but as the morning goes on, I know I will start to feel better. And when I start to feel better, things will look better. As I write this, I'm sitting by the window, watching one of our two horses busily eating grass and I know somewhere in my  heart that I've got to hang in there. Things are better then they were in the beginning (I will be two years off Nov. 5th) Hang in there with me!  It will get better for you, too.

[[Te...]]

You're definitely not going crazy. It's one of the worst symptoms of w/d. I had this very badly during tapering, and it continued after I stopped Klonopin. Time is what has helped ease it for me. Although I still have the dr, it's better compared to what it used to be. The dp has pretty much gone. It's the drug and not you.

[[fo...]]

What is dp?

[[Te...]]

Here is a dp questionnaire: http://www.strangerinthemirror.com/questionnaire.html

 

These questions are all a part of what dp is. "The stranger in the mirror" is something that I've experienced as part of it and what others here on BB have mentioned.

[[fo...]]

Thanks. What is dr?

[[em...]]

Thanks - I've done the DP/DR tests before and come back with a rating of "severe" and should "seek therapy".  But I'm 99% certain this all started when I started the Xanax.  I can remember brief times when I was very young where I might get a wave here or there of the feeling, but it never lasted and it only happened a handful of times.

 

I have been looking into mindfulness and am trying my best to remember all of that.  The best thing I've found to help so far is being mindful of touch - when I try to be mindful of sights I start to get worked up because I'm still seeing the dull colors or "feeling" how distances seem so distorted.

 

Oddly enough I've noticed that mornings are the best time for me and as the day progresses it starts to fade back to DP/DR.  I don't know why but night time just brings it out more in me.  I've always been more fearful at night... I wonder if maybe somehow that is linked?

 

Before Xanax I had no idea what DP/DR was.  But now... holy shit.  This is insane.  This is hell on Earth. 

 

I can only imagine what this drug did to my brain.  I'm envisioning in twenty or thirty years research will come out that finds some horrible thing that benzo does to people and society will be shocked we ever used it.  Like lead or not knowing about germs and bacteria. 

 

I just want to be whole again   Now I'm questioning if I ever even was to begin with.