Anyone at 9-10-11-12 months still having heavy acute big time psych symptoms?

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I'm on month 11.

Every other day deep depression. Like clockwork,is this strange or what?

Morning fear terror anxiety.

That feeling most of us know that this will never end.

desperation and anguish so out of this world I feel that next time it comes I won't be able to tolerate.

Scared of being alone

Crying

 

Following day the morning anxiety fear eases then have a decent day until evening when anxiety starts creeping again.

 

Might there be something more than WD to this every other day tolerable then next day pure torture?

For months this has been happening although I did have a break a month ago where had no depression for 3 days straight then 5 then 6.

 

I have not seen this pattern with others.

 

Any thoughts appreciated , jrod

 

 

 

[[sa...]]

Sorry you're suffering brother. Maybe there's something happening with your serotonin production that is on this cycle. Have you spoken to any docs about it.  At least you're getting windows and are med free. You're definately healing and I bet will see longer breaks soon.

[[sa...]]

Jrod. Island girl told me that she had ever other day symptoms. Maybe shoot her a pm.

[[ci...]]

jrod, I really believe this is just your healing pattern. We are so different. I have exactly the same sxs you do, the anxiety, fear of being alone, depression, but mine flip flop like a ping pong ball daily, my cycles are in and out every few hours, it is exhausting. I read on Dr. Melenis (Candadian doctor) website, that this daily cycles happens early in WD, and later in WD these cycles will lengthen into string of days. So you are progressing getting these full days.

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Thx satch!! R u any better?

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Hey Cindy's ;

Im thinking now a days anything under 14-18 months is considered early in WD.

Are the sxs your experiencing and mention acute level,extreme ?

 

Thx jrod

[[sa...]]

I'm surviving. Still not going inpatient. Hope to somehow turn a corner soon. Almost six months. Man is this brutal. Hope you're getting some relief. This process is so long and unforgiving.

[[ci...]]

jrod, my mental sxs are now worse than in acute in regard to the anxiety, crying, panic. But my physical sxs of neuropathic pain has lessened from a pain level of a 10 down now to a pain level of a 7-8.

 

Dr. Melemis (sp) referenced a 2 year recovery period from benzos WD. But the waves you describe sound like progress to me, when you go for a longer length of time for a window that may extend for an entire day....that is a good SIGN! My windows last 4-6 hours never a full day, and then right back into a wave. So Congratulations....you are making progress. I would view it as a good sign if I were you. I am almost 7 months CT, never had a full day window, yet.

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Hi Cindy's

Traveling so hard to get online sometimes.

The mental sx are by far the worse. Especially the depression. Are you still cycling every other day?

Had no clue about how difficult this never ending process could be!

 

Jrod

[[ci...]]

Jrod, I cry everyday, but it used to be incontrollable sobbing for hours, now it is crying for about 1 hour total every day.....15-10 mins here and there.

 

I also get the fear of being alone and my husband must travel overnight 3-4 nights a week, and I have no family nearby. Usually my fear of being alone will lessen in about a 1/2 hour, I will have to call my daughter or friend to talk me thru it.

 

I still have physical sxs , too. (neuropathic pain, tinntitus, insomnia), I am 7 months CT, just praying for more progress. You are 11 months out.....you will be turning the corner , soon. I used to have this timeline for recovery 6, mons, then 12 mons, but realistically it is probably closer to 18-24 months.....But I do believe between now and 18 months, our sxs will lessen to a degree that they are more manageable. The mornings are tough for anxiety and depression. But when I am in my right mind (window) I am myself, in my windows I always Believe I will heal, I never doubt it, of course, every wave everyday the negative comes in, and then I am convinced I will not heal. So I walk, and walk, and walk, and talk positively to myself, that helps.

 

Keep in touch, PM me anytime. I will be following your progress...Always, cindy

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JROD

Yes-we are VERY much in-sync right now. I'm at 11 months and it is still quite horrible. I wake up every day in a deep depression, too. I cry probably 4 times before 10 a.m.  Here is a time lapse of my day to see if you can relate. Note that I'm also 100% med-free and have been.

Wake up -total confusion to where I am, who I am. No association to past. Memories come and I can't associate with them.

Head pressure sets in and so does the dp/dr. Everything -and I mean everything-seems "off." Nothing seams right.

Death thoughts creep in and I view almost everything through the lens of death, eternity, souls -I won't divulge too much into these thoughts because you might have your own-I don't want to "add" to them.

Lunch time -anxiety revs up. Burning sensations -panicky feel. I feel this happens as the dp/dr "lifts." I get a surge of nasty anxiety.

Mid-afternoon-feel like I'm falling and lightheaded. Everything is still confusing.

Early evening-"lifts" a little and feel somewhat normal, but it doesn't last as anxiety revs again, which (I believe) causes the dp/dr to set back in.

On top of all of it, YES -a very real depression, because it has been almost a year and if I were to walk into a psychiatrist office right now, I would still be diagnosed with major mental illness at 11 months out. These w/d symptoms mimic an array of mental illnesses.

I do feel the daily patterns weakening,but like you, I ask, "how much longer and if ever will I heal?" It feels hopeless but I do hold onto the post from people that have healed...that is all I've got to go on. Hang in there!

 

 

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Hey Cindy's , sorry I know this is a rough ride! It just feels so hopeless even though we know it will end. The problem is there is no known end date. Even if I knew I had another year to go for this to end I would know the end date. I as well feel the worst whether depression or anxiety, in the mornings.

 

I did have like a 5 hour window yesterday and it's so wonderful to feel like myself even for a short time. I do believe in the 18 month corner but getting there is what worries me.

 

And like you when I'm in that wave of dread & torture I feel I'll never get out of this mess.

I have the book you referred to on Dr M the Canadian dr. I bought it early on but never read it. I will look for it ASAP.

 

Jrod

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JROD

Yes-we are VERY much in-sync right now. I'm at 11 months and it is still quite horrible. I wake up every day in a deep depression, too. I cry probably 4 times before 10 a.m.  Here is a time lapse of my day to see if you can relate. Note that I'm also 100% med-free and have been.

Wake up -total confusion to where I am, who I am. No association to past. Memories come and I can't associate with them.

Head pressure sets in and so does the dp/dr. Everything -and I mean everything-seems "off." Nothing seams right.

Death thoughts creep in and I view almost everything through the lens of death, eternity, souls -I won't divulge too much into these thoughts because you might have your own-I don't want to "add" to them.

Lunch time -anxiety revs up. Burning sensations -panicky feel. I feel this happens as the dp/dr "lifts." I get a surge of nasty anxiety.

Mid-afternoon-feel like I'm falling and lightheaded. Everything is still confusing.

Early evening-"lifts" a little and feel somewhat normal, but it doesn't last as anxiety revs again, which (I believe) causes the dp/dr to set back in.

On top of all of it, YES -a very real depression, because it has been almost a year and if I were to walk into a psychiatrist office right now, I would still be diagnosed with major mental illness at 11 months out. These w/d symptoms mimic an array of mental illnesses.

I do feel the daily patterns weakening,but like you, I ask, "how much longer and if ever will I heal?" It feels hopeless but I do hold onto the post from people that have healed...that is all I've got to go on. Hang in there!

 

 

Next;

 

I'm so sorry your still in this never ending struggle but am encouraged that you feel your sxs are somewhat lessening. I can relate too much of your pain although I'm worse every other day. I can't say I have windows but can say I do on my better days have much less suffering and at times do fell like my old self for a matter of hours. I had a 2.5 day window little over a month ago.

 

You will get better we have to do what we can to stay busy and distract even though it's the last thing we want to do.

 

Saw this from a fellow buddy that has recovered :

 

It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.” - A.W. Tozer

 

Feel better

[[ci...]]

jrod, can you start tracking your windows on a calender, so you can see what progress you are making? I do track my sxs, and may nor notice improvement month by month, but I have to look back at 6 months time for progress to be noted. But perhaps by tracking your windows, it will help you see that there is progress. I know it sucks......but just remember we are never where we want to be in this healing process....it s always too slow for us. But you have 11 months behind you, you are getting towards the end of this process.

 

Dr. Melemis, basically says 2 years total recovery time, and when we get to 12 months remember we are only 1/2 way there. That is his opinion. I am like you, if there was a guarantee at 2 years we would be healed then it would help me cope much better, but I guess the good news is we could be healed by 18 months instead of 2 years. So lets get thru the day....I am just planning my Nov and Dec time out, just to keep busy.

 

I even tracked every BBs recovery time from ambien.....recovery time varied from 8 month - 3years for total recovery, but everyone of them told me they saw improvements along the way...be it 6 months or 12 months. I have lost a job I loved over this.....but I can function ok, drive, travel by air, lunch with friends.....BUT.......you nw the rest of the crap!

 

OK, we just have to believe that we will heal, most BBs do, so why not us? Remember you had that 5 hour window when you were yourself, yesterday........That is healing!

 

Take care, cindy

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Thanks JROD

Yeah, I don't have windows either. I've only had 2 in 11 months that lasted about 2 hrs. and that was in the course of 1 month.

I just have days that aren't as bad as others -lesser of 2 evils sort of thing. It is still 24/7 for me.

I look fine and normal,but my god, I'm not. This is the challenging part: I have to fake it to everyone around me, because nobody believes it could still be from the benzos. I guess it is a blessing disguise-forces me to "fake it until I make it."

Benzo buddies is the only place I can be real! Real to say, Holy S&*@ this is horrible, and I want to give up! Gives me strength to know others are going through this, but they are pressing on and so will I.

Thanks!!!!

[[Co...]]

Jrod, ...You describe my pattern of healing as well. My s/x are somewhat different but the pattern is very similar. I am stepping into month 12 tomorrow For the past 3 months my mornings are generally like acute...depression, anxiety,  health fears and dizziness. It pretty much all lifts by early afternoon. When I have windows ( I have had some 100% windows along the way but they are widely spaced) they never last more than 24 hours.  Yes, I often have a clear pattern of ' good day-to-day bad day '. ..As month 11 closes I am noticing my windows are brighter ...my waves are still dark and intense but usually last only half as long. My baseline holds fairly well at a consistent 80-85%. ...Jrod, I think it is definitely a pattern of healing.....coop

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Thx Coop

I'm sure all agree that at this point even though we read about how long this suffering can last we never thought we would still be at this level so far out.

[[sa...]]

Jrod,

 

How are you feeling brother?

 

Satch

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Hey Satch;

Bad depression every morning ,easing in the afternoons. That feeling of never getting out the hole. We all get out it's the journey we must endure getting there.

Hope ur well pal