It's becomming clear to me now.

[[Je...]]

I am rapid cycling between depression and almost a manic type opposite.

Xanax decreases the symptoms some, but I'm not sure it's the cause.

 

Here's what it feels like:

 

I'm Clearly switching between overstimulated and understimulated, at either end of the spectrum I can barely function.  Some days I land more in the middle and this feels like a "window".

 

Some days, or strings of days, I feel depressed and Xanax sedates me more, which might make me less anxious, but doesn't feel great either.  On a day like this I might crash really hard between doses.

When I am in a low streak, it actually is painful between doses.  Mentally and physically.

 

Some days I feel out of my mind wired, to where I feel like I'm going crazy.  I can pop Xanax like candy on these days and it barely slows down the agitation.  I might have to take my doses two hours apart to slow me down.

 

I'm def. not having fun.  I have low libido.  I feel tired.  I feel irritable.  Loud sounds or anything stimulating bother me.  For example, even tho I didn't want to, I came with my wife to an Indian casino and the music, lights and sounds are incredibly annoying.  I just want to hide.

 

Does this fit into the spectrum of what Benzodiazepine dependence can do to a person?

 

I don't seem to have lost my intellect, it's just bogged down in all the mood stuff.

 

My doctor wants to ramp me up on some additional Lamictal (one of the most benign meds I've ever taken) and see if it evens out this switch between agitation and depression.

 

What would you do?  Would you accept that all this is caused by Xanax dependence and just wait to heal?  Or would you wonder, like I am, if there isn't more to it than simply Xanax dependence.  Even if it was simple xanax dependence, you'd think I might be more functional than I am.  However, if I'm using Xanax to treat a mood disorder, I need to take care.    Just trying to figure out a path to more functionality.  Luckily things improve in the evening a bit.

 

Appreciate any response. 

 

 

[[Je...]]

Xanax diminishes the sx to great extent, but...cause or effect???

[[ea...]]

Jerry, I don't know what to tell you. Honestly, I think you're playing with fire, taking Xanax (or any other benzo) but I understand that you feel you need to.

I think you need to figure out a long-range plan, and then stick to it no matter what. If Lamictal helps, and you find it benign, take it and worry about getting off it later.

Wish I had a better answer for you, but I don't. Only you know how bad you feel...these things are hard to put into words in black and white.

east

[[Je...]]

  I don't want to take Xanax.  I'd love to be rid of it.

 

BUT I have some sx that could be unrelated to xanax...I do not know.    For me to go all the way off of Xanax, in the current shape that I'm in, might not be the best timing.

 

I DON'T like Xanax, I don't like the way it makes me feel.

 

If someone can explain my sx to me in the context of Benzo withdrawal, you can bet I will listen.

 

Some have wondered why I keep asking for reassurance...it is because I do not understand what is happening to me.  Why I can be too depressed to function one day and to wired to function the next?

 

I understand the short half life of Xanax causes problems.  Anxiety 3.5 hours after my last dose, I could deal with.  The complete and utter inability to function when my last dose wears off, is pretty worrysome.  After all, I am on a medium sized dose of X, from a docs viewpoint.    Lots of people on higher doses come right off...

 

My problem is simple.  I don't know if my problem is primarily. Benzo related or not.  I could be treating a real mood disorder.  Am I depressed?  Am I rapid cycling?  I do not know.  So I am trapped in this corner if not knowing what to do.  So you get my frustration.

 

I'm looking for that perfect mentor who ways Yeah I get it..been there, it was the Xanax.

 

 

[[Br...]]

The reason I switched from Xanax to Ativan to start my taper was Xanax was simply turning my anxiety into depression. Ativan relieved the anxiety without causing depression which my taper more tolerable, I'm sure.

[[Je...]]

I feel depressed sometimes and wired others...hence my confusion..

[[be...]]

Xanax diminishes the sx to great extent, but...cause or effect???

 

Both.

[[sn...]]

You don't have bipolar it's the interdose withdrawal and no Xanax at night that is making you feel sped up, then depressed after a dose.  Your giving your body GABA when you take Xanax which slows the body down, then when the Xanax runs out and you feel sped up because the GABA has decreased.

 

Your body is getting mixed up.  Slows down, speeds up, slows down, speeds up.  Once your off you'll be steady and stable.  I know the horrific feeling with Ativan.  I get so sped up I hate it it's uncontrollable.   

[[Je...]]

You don't have bipolar it's the interdose withdrawal and no Xanax at night that is making you feel sped up, then depressed after a dose.  Your giving your body GABA when you take Xanax which slows the body down, then when the Xanax runs out and you feel sped up because the GABA has decreased.

 

Your body is getting mixed up.  Slows down, speeds up, slows down, speeds up.  Once your off you'll be steady and stable.  I know the horrific feeling with Ativan.  I get so sped up I hate it it's uncontrollable. 

 

I understand this part of the equation.  I ask you this:  Why am I too depressed to function for several days...Then too agitated to function for several days?  Why is there not much in between?

 

Or another way of saying what I mean:    Some days I'm so wired I could pop Xanax like candy and it would not matter.

 

Then at a future point a few days later, I feel depressed AND taking a Xanax makes me so sedated that I can barely function. 

 

Understand that I wasn't particularly stable ON xanax, so this makes the WD much more difficult.

 

[[sn...]]

I think the depression is from the Xanax and especially from the withdrawal from the Xanax.  Your going to feel wired, agitated and depressed until your off of the drug and your GABA receptors get upregulated  and produce natural GABA, and also your glutamate will then stabilize.  Glutamate gives you energy.  Lamictal decreases glutamate and protects your brain from getting to stimulated maybe that's why your doctor wants you on it. 

 

The Ativan makes me so irritable and I can't control some things I say.  That's not like me.  My poor twin boys have had to put up with me.  I read Ativan withdrawals and Xanax withdrawals and it's all listed there so it's the norm, unfortunately. 

 

I tried Valium like you and it are me so depressed and like a zombie.  It didn't last long enough.  I wish I could switch though because Ativan gave me severe memory loss and so much fear.  Do you have the fear from Xanax?

[[th...]]

Jer,

 

I feel like you are looking for absolutes and sadly there aren't any. Not even a Dr of epic standing on benzos can tell you for sure what is causing what. It's not like there is a blood test or X-ray to show exactly what is happening in our brain or why we have these feelings. That's what makes it all so frustrating. Is it wd or is it something else? Is it the Xanax? The only way I can see you figuring this out for sure is 1. Switch to Valium and see how your syx are....remember you might be sedated for a few weeks with this. Or 2. Directly taper off the Xanax. Otherwise I just don't see how you will ever find answers just staying at your status quo IMO. I am up and down and all around all the time....but I think it's the Xanax. So I am dealing and surviving just to get off. Otherwise, how will I ever know what's what. I don't want to stay stay stuck like this forever 

 

G

[[Je...]]

Yah, I can't switch to the Valium....  Too depressing, I will have to taper from X if I can.

I wanna know too.

[[ea...]]

Mood swings are common in withdrawal, Jerryk. That's why sometimes you can hardly function and other times you can. Its like a seesaw, a roller coaster, this withdrawal stuff.

Try to picture this.....your nervous system runs partly on electrical impulses and partly on chemicals. If either system is out of balance, your mood, thinking, sleep, etc. etc will be affected. Benzos cause these imbalances, and withdrawal is the process by which the balance is restored. Healing IS the restoration of this crucial balance. I have always tried to see my symptoms as symptoms of healing, as opposed to symptoms of illness, if you get my drift. Made symptoms easier to bear, and understanding even a little about whats going on in there helps a lot.

east

[[Je...]]

I think they are common in tolerance as well.  Agree?

[[ea...]]

Yes....because tolerance IS withdrawal...do you understand this? When the body becomes tolerant of the drug, the cells are crying out for more of the drug....withdrawal, unless the drug is given to them.

east

[[Je...]]

I understand what I've read about it.  The data on tolerance wd is somewhat sparse.  What exactly is tolerance wd and what is the patients original symptoms?

 

Of course doctors blame the patient's "Condition".  After all we are mentally ill, right?  It can't be the drug.

 

Personally I'm up, I'm down, I'm anxious, I'm agitated, I'm wired, I'm tense, I'm crazed, I'm dazed, I'm in a fog. 

 

Usually only one of these sx is prominent on any given day.

[[la...]]

join the club Jerry we all feel that way

[[ea...]]

Tolerance withdrawal (interdose withdrawal) is poorly understood, I agree. Having felt it, I know it exists. Ill explain a little.

I started taking benzos (for sleep) when I was 31....every night. Over the first 10 years, I slowly became depressed, with a lot of social anxiety. I am a nurse, and I did not know much about benzos, and had never heard of tolerance withdrawal. I am not much different from most doctors, either. All I knew was that benzos let me sleep easily, so I continued to take them every night. My depression and anxiety increased over time, sometimes becoming quite debilitating. But I was sleeping great, so I didn't worry. In my 50's, I sought treatment for these problems, and was put on another benzo, plus a sleeping pill, plus two antidepressants. My depression and anxiety did not decrease. Over the next 6 years or so my antidepressant was changed perhaps 5 times, but the changes did not help. I also began having other side effects (too numerous to mention - but some of them were quite disturbing). Finally at age 62, circumstances forced me to cold turkey. Low and behold, as time marched on and my withdrawal slowly began to get better, my depression and anxiety lessened considerably. Now, at 2 years, I only have fleeting depression and very mild anxiety! I look back, and now see that for many years, I was in tolerance withdrawal, and that the benzo was greatly and negatively affecting my entire being, my health in particular.

I am quite sure that my old psychiatrists notes say that I had a mental disorder of some sort. That used to bother me - now it doesn't. If most doctors do not know about tolerance withdrawal, we should be questioning WHY this is so, not being angry with them for ignorance. I am no longer angry with my doctor, or any doctor...whats the point?  I would like to know why there is such ignorance on the part of doctors (and nurses), but I haven't figured it out yet.

east

[[Je...]]

I just don't have it in me to withdraw.  It feels like I'm going nuts.  How can anyone do this?

 

[[th...]]

How? Bc otherwise you remain in the state you are in. Is it really better? So you really want to live the way you are? You seem to be in agony now. The wd may not be much worse. For me, it was pre wd that was hardest...while in tolerance and not knowing. I was so sick. I am still sick but at least I have a goal now. The Xanax isn't doing you any good it seems and so coming off would seem like the logical solution. And I have to say...you didn't even give the Valium a chance. You took it once. How can you know for sure unless you cross over and stabilize? And no...it's not easy either way....you are gonna be miserable staying on it...crossing over....or tapering directly. However, crossing over could bring you relief eventually and coming off could save you...that's "how" we keep doing it. The hope for a better life!

 

Grinch

[[Th...]]

I understand what I've read about it.  The data on tolerance wd is somewhat sparse.  What exactly is tolerance wd and what is the patients original symptoms?

 

Of course doctors blame the patient's "Condition".  After all we are mentally ill, right?  It can't be the drug.

 

Personally I'm up, I'm down, I'm anxious, I'm agitated, I'm wired, I'm tense, I'm crazed, I'm dazed, I'm in a fog. 

 

Usually only one of these sx is prominent on any given day.

 

Yep. Up, down, wired, tired,dazed crazed.  I do have hours every day when i feel normal.  There is hope.  I wish you some windows!!

[[No...]]

I just don't have it in me to withdraw.  It feels like I'm going nuts.  How can anyone do this?

 

      I did,  Jerry. I tapered off Xanax, feeling all those symptoms you've mentioned in

      all your posts. Plus a bunch more. Trying to "rationalize", "figure it out",  "ruminate"

      the endless possibilities is frustrating and unhealthy. IMO

 

      What each individual experiences is unique with symptoms that come and go.

      All this time,  going back and forth,  up and over. You could have tried Valium,

      made a decision to taper off using V or tapering Xanax,  or just staying with Xanax.

 

      The only per person who can answer your questions is you.

 

      Hopefully you'll find your way. Wishing you well.

      Notforme

[[Je...]]

One of the sx of withdrawal is worry and rumination.    How can u not since withdrawal makes u worry and ruminate?

[[ge...]]

Xanax diminishes the sx to great extent, but...cause or effect???

 

Hi Jerry,

 

Ask yourself if you felt this way BEFORE you took any benzos - if the answer is "no" or "I don't really think so" then your symptoms are likely due to the use of benzos and the side effects they cause the longer one stays on them (in a lot of people's cases on this board at least!).

 

Certainly from my experience, the longer I stayed on the drugs, the more side effects (and eventually interdose and tolerance withdrawal) I developed. 

 

gts

 

 

[[No...]]

One of the sx of withdrawal is worry and rumination.    How can u not since withdrawal makes u worry and ruminate?

     

    If you have read through success stories, other buddies post(s) you will see a common theme. Acceptance

and Distraction

    We have come to terms with acceptance of what we are experiencing is Benzo Withdrawal Symptoms, with time

    being the healer. Doing the best we can, with what we can do. Its NOT EASY.

 

    If you have other medical issues, IMO I would seek medical advice to rule out any health concerns.

 

    Individual symptoms are varied, healing is non-linear. Their are no concrete answers.

 

    Wishing you well, Jerry.