What can I do to support my SO during withdrawal?

[[Bu...]]

Apologies in advance if I posted this in the wrong place.

 

She's been on Klonopin for 7 years, for sleep and anxiety. 40 days ago, her doctor didn't make arrangements for a rf (his vacation was more important), and essentially, he shoved her off a plane with no parachute. We researched options, and found a psychiatrist that gave her Valium days later. After a few days on valium, she couldn't stop vomiting, and ended up in the hospital for 5 days. We ended up having a soft breakup, saying she couldn't deal with withdrawal and some recent issues not pertinent to what this site is about.

 

We spoke a week later, and she admitted that she doesn't remember any of the last month, that she wants us to work, but she has to fight this battle on her own and fix herself before anything else. I am behind her 100%, and want that for her as well. We are a distant second to her health; it comes first. Even if we don't work out, and she gets healthy, that's a happy ending to me. I want what's best for her no matter what happens.

 

I've read a little here. This site and the Ashton manual have been the greatest sources of knowledge I've found since this all began. She's living with her mom. I'm not there. We communicate infrequently at this point. She doesn't need the distraction, she needs space and time, and she's getting that from me. I read a post here by Parker, the one stickied at the top in this subforum, and I finally got an idea of what she's going through.

 

She was on varying strengths of Klonopin, no more than 2mg, but she'd use more of it during times of heightened stress. Over the years she was fairly consistent with how it was written, but this past year...not so much. Now she's begun a taper of Valium. Last week was 2mg this week is 1.5mg, then 1mg, then .5, then she thinks she'll be ok. It's agressive, but she's determined to be done with this quickly.

 

She wants me to return to the house and I'm afraid I'll be a distraction, or a potential stressor. I'm not wanting to come back for these reasons, and I told her to take all the time she needs, this is about her, I'll be there when she's ready. And she's not even close right now. And that's okay.

What I'm asking is this: how can support her from afar? What can I do to help see her through this?  I'm trying to be reassuring, patient, positive, and encouraging - how else can I help her? What can I do for her? I know this isn't my fight, just want to help her.

 

One last thing: her mom's been taking care of her and the house since I was kicked out. We're in our early 30s, her mom mid-60s (it's her mom's house, please don't ask about details of the living situation...{sorry}, it's not pertinent to the thread). Her mom can't do it all on her own...I was her mom's rock too. I want to help them both God-willing.

 

This isn't about me, it's just...I feel really helpless here. Kind words and inspirational infographics only go so far. Some days, she can't handle even her cell phone without suffering adverse effects. If I could absorb every healing gaba receptor in her body so she'd never feel it again I would. I hate that she's going through this, and her mom too. How can I help them?

 

Thank you in advance for being there for us.

[[me...]]

Hi,

 

There's no doubt that benzo withdrawal is a difficult situation for all concerned.  We are not in control of this process, and it is something that unfolds in its own way for each of us.  The process takes time, we do heal eventually, though that can take a long time for some of us.

 

This lack of control is something one must learn to accept. There's no way around it.  That's especially true of family members and friends who are not directly involved. I think you are doing all you can at the moment.  Have you suggested to your friend or her mother that they join BenzoBuddies?  That might help.

 

Good luck,

 

 

 

[[Bu...]]

I did recommend it. She's at a point in the hospital (admitted now) where if she moves, she vomits. She's trying to sleep through whatever this is. The doctors ran a battery of tests just to rule out certain things medically. At this point, her mom and I talked about getting her in a treatment facility, but it seems they only focus on detox, and at times forcibly. Are there treatment centers that will allow her to be there as she deals with the symptoms? She's slowly tapering the Valium still, and that would need to continue.