STARING TO LOOSE IT.

[[do...]]

Hello

Hi gang. I just don’t know if I can go on. I guess I can, but it seems that everyday is groundhog day and wondering if I am slowly getting worse.

It is all mental, psychological, cognitive.

Intense intense intense.

I had depression and anxiety before, but nothing like this.

It is all the same that I have reported before and a ton of it that I cant even put into words.

Some have said to set goals and yet I draw a blank and don’t understand what that means.

My goal for now is to make it through another day, and yet no change. Which gets me to thinking I need some form of medication or I am permanently damaged and will just slowly fade away.

It is like my brain isn’t working right now and that is on top of all the other stuff.  I am unable to process things like I used to.

I am scared really scared.

Please someone tell me what to do.

 

[Guest [Mi...]]

Your goal of making it through another day is perfect.

 

That's it. Just making it through today.

 

I'm sorry you're suffering so much, but you're really doing great, dolphins.

 

I had depression prior to benzos, too, and I agree with you - it's NOTHING compared to the intensity of withdrawal.

 

I hope you get some relief soon, buddy. 

[[pi...]]

Nothing is like benzo withdrawal anxiety and depression.  I didn't suffer from either before benzos entered my life but boy did I suffer during tolerance and withdrawal. 

 

I think getting through each day is the best goal for now.  What you need is time to heal and there is nothing you can do to hurry it, the body will recover when it is ready.  But, know and believe that it will recover.

 

I could barely put two words together to make a sentence when I was early off like you.  I wobbled and ran into every piece of furniture in the house.  I had to hold on to the counter when I actually made it to the store.  These things all went away, gradually, slower than I would have liked, but they went away. It will happen for you as well. Hang in there.

 

pianogirl

[[do...]]

Thanks ...the more I here from all of you the better..........Please just tell me it will get better.........and that I am not permanently damaged....

[Guest [Mi...]]

Thanks ...the more I here from all of you the better..........Please just tell me it will get better.........and that I am not permanently damaged....

 

It does get better, and you are NOT permanently damaged. Far from it. 

 

It just takes so freakin' long. But it does get better.

[[Wo...]]

Hello

Hi gang. I just don’t know if I can go on. I guess I can, but it seems that everyday is groundhog day and wondering if I am slowly getting worse.

It is all mental, psychological, cognitive.

Intense intense intense.

I had depression and anxiety before, but nothing like this.

It is all the same that I have reported before and a ton of it that I cant even put into words.

Some have said to set goals and yet I draw a blank and don’t understand what that means.

My goal for now is to make it through another day, and yet no change. Which gets me to thinking I need some form of medication or I am permanently damaged and will just slowly fade away.

It is like my brain isn’t working right now and that is on top of all the other stuff.  I am unable to process things like I used to.

I am scared really scared.

Please someone tell me what to do.

 

Hey Buddy

 

I see a lot of me in your posts at your time off and while I'm still not what feels like even near recovered everything you are going through is withdrawal, I never ever had any form of anxiety, fear, depression, DP DR or anything remoteley like this before benzos and only took them 2 weeks for headaches and then foolishly took bad advice and went back on to taper so if I can end up with all your same symptoms from just headaches with added benzos then there is your answer..

 

I've had every test under the sun and I'm as fit as a horse on paper but in my mind I'm sick as a small hospital but medically they can't find anything wrong with me and I had 6 months of CBT and councilling and it still did not cure me so the only advice I can give the same as what I was given here at your time off, keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it you will have walked enough steps to reach the other side, don't think about tomorrow if you can just get through today and worry about tomorrow when it comes...

 

I've read your DP DR posts and replied on one so I get all you say and what ever anyone tries to tell you it's not all just in your mind, this shit is as real as a heart attack but it won't kill you like one..

 

Be brave my fellow soldier, only warriors make it to the other side like PG did

 

Blessings

 

Woofs

[[do...]]

It's nothing but dark. With everything else thrown in.

 

It has to get better.

 

Tell me what do you hold onto to get through this when one can't find anything to hold onto?

[Guest [Mi...]]

It's nothing but dark. With everything else thrown in.

 

It has to get better.

 

Tell me what do you hold onto to get through this when one can't find anything to hold onto?

 

Can you distract? I know this is hard when you're drowning in depression. I've used a lot of guided meditations to get me through. If you can concentrate on tv or internet shows. Listen to gentle, calming music.

 

If you're able to go for short walks, play with pets, anything calming helps.

 

Distract as much as possible. The goal is to get through the day as gently as possible.

 

 

[Guest [Or...]]

Hang in there! You are so close to being out of acute!!! Most are out by 3 months and the symptoms become manageable! Dunno really how that feels like yet, but from what I hear it makes withdrawals easier. Easier to distract and do things, I guess.

[[kd...]]

Dolphins, you have to remember you were on a huge dose of benzos, time is a great healer, your still a baby in the process, hang in there and you will be OK my friend........Diane

[[ea...]]

Dolphins,

I think I was as bad as you are for quite a while. Like you, I couldn't explain how crazy and sick I felt. It was like being bombarded by insanity 24 hours a day. I couldn't sleep, so literally it was all day and all night. Many, many times I just sat on my bed, holding on, living only minute to minute. I couldn't think, I couldn't feel except I felt this incredibly intense fear. I had panic attacks so bad I thought I was dying. I couldn't go to an ER because I was also terribly paranoid, afraid I would be "committed." I lived like this for several months, if living is the word for it.

 

Very slowly it got better. I felt awful for about seven or eight months. By the end of the first year I was able to function somewhat normally although I was still in deep DR/DP, and still had many symptoms. It has now been 26 months since I went cold turkey and I feel I am perhaps 85% healed. I feel pretty good, despite lingering symptoms.

 

How did I get through this? Distracting myself. Early on, it was impossible. I could barely walk, much less think or do anything. But eventually, I was able to get up and I instinctively knew I had to keep busy. I found little projects to occupy the time, and kept busy as much as I could. I began listening to relaxation videos on YouTube, because they helped. I started a Blog here, which helped quite a bit. I posted a lot here, and tried to help others. I started doing deep breathing, to ease anxiety.

 

These little things helped, I kid you not. It is amazing that keeping busy helps you with symptoms as weird as mine were.....but keeping busy helped me immensely. When I look back now, I have to laugh at myself, because some of the things I did were pretty cuckoo....I strung beads for several months, for crying out loud. Nothing fancy...just bead after freaking bead, until I had made about 100 simple necklaces. I cleaned my house - but I did it badly and ruined a lot of things because I used bleach on just about everything! But - I stayed busy, and it helped a lot. When I say I was crazy, believe it. I still cannot express how weird everything looked and felt to me. I was like some sort of alien in my own body. I was quite depressed, too, and considered suicide several times - but was basically too afraid of more pain to do anything.

 

My point of all this is that if I can heal, you can. What is one of the hardest things about this is that there's nothing concrete we can do except bide our time....wait...until we start to feel the healing. It helped me a lot to learn about WHY we have symptoms; what causes them, and how benzos affect both the body and mind. I have learned the hard way that time alone is the healing factor in this  -  and that is difficult to accept.

 

You can do the same things I did, and so many other people here have done. Distract yourself, as best you can. You are very early out - in the world of benzos several months is early. BUT -  even now, you are healing, even though you cant feel it yet. Trust in this: you ARE healing.

 

Don't lose hope. Keep reading and posting here, and we will try to help. Some of us have been in your shoes, and know how bad it can be.

east

[[do...]]

Gosh when I hear your replies just for a moment I have some hope. And then I go back to bed to lie down to sleep. And the storm begins again. There's just no way of thinking my way out and all of the thoughts are dark. Distorted. Voices speaking to me. And I just think I'm going to lose it. And yet I make it through another day.

 

I hate to repeat myself here all the time. But I thank you for listening.

 

Can I swear on this site    f..k!!!!!

 

I swear I don't have any idea what happened to me. From young boy cuddling a rabbit to playing with animals and building treehouses and laughing and playing to this state at age 57.

 

I don't want my life to be extinguished by this.

 

Is there a god and does he care?

 

There is nothing he can do for me and that is scary because I need him now more than ever.

[[do...]]

You mentioned distraction do my best with this. Right now I'm on vacation in coaster Rica. I do a little surfing during the day. I went to another beach today. I eat coconuts I walk down the street. And I tried you socialize. But all of it is very difficult with the mind that I have right now. When I meet someone it's very hard to connect with them. When I talk word stutter out of my mouth.

 

I think people think ill of me. All kinds of strange thoughts about what people think of me. And I have to watch what I say my mind tells me one thing but it is not true in reality. Yet I get all contorted up there.

 

I do my best to use logic but that doesn't seem to work.

 

Sometimes I paced back-and-forth and sometimes I go to do something but a strange sensation comes over me and makes me do something else. And then I find I'm standing still frozen.

 

If that is distraction then that is what I am doing to the best of my ability yet the sensations in mind and psych problems remain even though I'm distracting.

 

What really bowls me over is when I return home at the end of the day and walk into an empty room and there is this overriding depression and deep deep darkness.

 

This will go away yes at some point.?

[[do...]]

Someone said not to compare myself with others and yet that is what is going on then I can't stop myself from that.

 

I also project myself out onto others wishing I was like them. I just don't know who I am and it's scary.

[[ea...]]

Dolphins,

If you weren't like this before, YES it will go away. You have described (quite well-) classic withdrawal symptoms, especially mental ones. Each person is different, our brains are similar but not alike. Thus, our symptoms may be somewhat alike but not exactly the same.

 

I am amazed you were able to go on vacation!!! Sounds like you are trying to distract - no, you ARE distracting. You're still at the point where your symptoms are over-riding reality, which is pretty normal at your stage of the game.

Just keep trying...it will get easier as time goes by. And eventually, you will again ENJOY doing those lovely things.

 

When someone told you not to compare yourself with others (that might have been me-) probably what was meant was not to compare your withdrawal progress with others. Doing that often leads to feeling discouraged and can lead to more fear that you're somehow worse or different from others here.

 

It will get better. You hear me?  It will get better, in enough time.

 

east

[[do...]]

Guys this is 24/7 with liquid type thoughts that are so distorted and no glimmer of anything positive. Sometimes wishing it / my life would end. I have toyed with the idea but don't because I hope that maybe I will get well.

 

I have to tell you I feel I am severely mentally  ill and there is no way out.

 

I just slug through each day in such mental pain.

 

Help!!

[[do...]]

I guess what I am asking is has anyone thought of ending it during this process because the pain is so great? And one just can't see themselves getting any better?

 

But they hang on in the severe pain day by day?

 

I guess I am asking am I the only one in severe mental anguish? That is severe?

 

Did anyone else have this and did you get through it?

[Guest [Mi...]]

I guess what I am asking is has anyone thought of ending it during this process because the pain is so great? And one just can't see themselves getting any better?

 

But they hang on in the severe pain day by day?

 

I guess I am asking am I the only one in severe mental anguish? That is severe?

 

Did anyone else have this and did you get through it?

 

Hey, dolphins. Sorry you're feeling so bad, but you're not alone. A lot of folks go through periods of suicidal thinking.

 

Are you still on vacation? I know it's hard when you're surrounded by people out having fun and you're trapped inside your head feeling like crap. I've been there.

 

Just hang on. Like you said:

 

Guys this is 24/7 with liquid type thoughts that are so distorted and no glimmer of anything positive. Sometimes wishing it / my life would end. I have toyed with the idea but don't because I hope that maybe I will get well.

 

Yes, you will get well. Can you distract? It's just about letting time pass and you'll feel better again, buddy. 

[[do...]]

Help

[[Di...]]

Is there a help line you can call?  Or maybe a facility where you can go for help?  Even if it's an ER?

 

If I were in your shoes, I would seek help NOW. 

 

Praying for you, that you can get some relief. 

[[...]]

IT WILL GET BETTER NO MATTER WHAT....

IT WILL GET BETTER I GIVE YOU MY WORD....

PLEASE DONT LOSE HOPE....

 

you can watch my support videos on youtube

 

benzo withdrawal you have to hold on

benzo withdrawal message of support

 

please hold on till you will become one more healed man.....

[[do...]]

Where do I find support videos?

[[...]]

if you go on youtube you just put the key words

 

benzo withdrawal you have to hold on

benzo withdrawal message of support

 

 

please be strong