Hello from a fellow Human, 30s, female, mother

[[5a...]]

Hi there,

 

From a fellow human,

 

I join this board at the suggestion of a friend. I have come to a point where I realize I cannot do this on my own. I have tried and I have failed. I have wavering human spirit and strength to give it a go again. I am looking for support. I am looking for hope.

 

I was prescribed Klonopin 1 mg and 10 mg Celexa almost 5 years ago after I ran into trouble sleeping. After some personal family drama, I ran into trouble sleeping. And, when the family drama resolved, the sleep did not come back. I was getting 1-2 hrs a night, and, after 6 months, had deteriorated significantly. As background, I was raised in a war torn country, and believed to not handle stress well as an adult (really by function of not regulating over stress exposure, a mirror perhaps of PTSD). I was in my late 20s. I am married and I have 4 children. I am also a highly functional individual, with a doctorate that works. I was then prescribed this, which I have been taking for some 4 years.

 

I started going down on K (klonopin) some 16 months ago. I spent 10 months going down from 1 mg to 1/16 mg. I did this by decreasing a little bit every so often. In January, I took my last. 1 month of utter misery followed. My biggest and really only complaint seems to be sleep and the correlated symptoms of not getting enough sleep. I read this forum often. Things did improve as time went on, however, I was having such a difficult time in May, continuing to deal with periods of not enough sleep, parenting, and working, that my doctor suggested I take K once or twice a week as needed to alleviate symptoms.

 

After many months of this pattern, and quality of life often being a 1-3/10 on days that I did not medicate, I believe I either need to commit to stop or commit to not stop, and that this in between thing is likely not good. Another Dr advised that my experience sounds like continued withdrawal especially in the light of my resumption of taking K once or sometimes twice per week. I would like to stop to see if I might find myself once again. My thoughts and feelings gradually changed over the years. I would like to be normal again. To sleep again.

 

And here I am on day 2. And in utter fear of what lies ahead in life. I hadn't thought life would give me this. I am scared. I often feel defeated. I need help. I cannot do this on my own.

 

I am happy to share with others anything I can that might be helpful to others.

 

Thank you,

 

5

[[me...]]

Hello 5anddone.  Welcome to the forum, we're glad you found us!  Withdrawal from benzos can be difficult, for many of us it's one of the most difficult things we've ever done.  The first few weeks or months off can often involve severe symptoms, which is why it's called acute withdrawal.  Even so, it's definitely worth getting off these drugs.  Insomnia is a very common withdrawal symptom, but it's only temporary and it will pass in time.  Here are a few links you'll find useful:

 

Post Withdrawal Recovery Support.

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field.  She describes and explains withdrawal symptoms, and there is also a section with withdrawal/taper schedules.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

 

 

[[De...]]

Hello Sandone,

 

Welcome to the forum from me too 

 

Withdrawal from benzos can indeed be an awful thing to go through and sadly it can take many months for a full recovery to take place after long term benzo use, I'm sorry to hear that you felt the need to reinstate the klonopin in the hope of getting some relief from the strong symptoms. Are you still taking the klonopin on an as needed basis? Reinstatement, after withdrawal, doesn't always work, one theory is that the original experience of withdrawal has sensitised the nervous system. Also there is a risk of "kindling" where each subsequent withdrawal can be more difficult than the last. If it was me, I'd be inclined to see out alternative natural methods to help with the anxiety and sleep. I can tell you that insomnia has been a big problem for me since I've been benzo free but sleep is improving now, normal sleep does reassert itself with time for most members.

 

Have you checked out the Insomnia Board here, there are some good tips and recommendations for dealing with sleep problems, here's a link to it: 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=83.0

 

 

I'm glad you found us and I wish you the very best whatever you decide to do.

 

Debbie