My story

[[na...]]

I joined benzo buddies a while back desperately in search of a reason for why my head felt so weird i suppose. I'm a 20 year old female college student and i had what i 'thought' was bad anxiety hahahahahaha which is hilarious to me now because what i feel now is complete and utter hell. i first got a pill of xanax from a friend and she just told me oh it just chills you out and man, OH MAN did it chill me out. it was like this magical pill that erased all of my problems i ever had during high school. it erased all of my problems i ever had with anxiety, and did i want more. i had to have more. so i found more. i found more and more and more and more. i was on about 1mg to 5 mg, it flucuated between the week, depended on how much i wanted to abuse and how anxious i was feeling for about a year and then i realized that it wasn't doing it anymore. i needed more to make me feel calm and 1mg wouldn't do anything for me anymore. i felt shaky, i felt ill, i felt like sick. i needed to get off this poison that was ruining my life and so i did. i tried once, i went right back. i tried twice, i went right back. third time was a charm though, i quit cold turkey and the withdraws drove me mad. i cried and cried and didn't know what was happening. i wasn't myself, and still am not myself. i went to my psychologist and told her all of my symptoms like the excruciating pressure on my head, the dizziness, my disconnection with the world, my heightened anxiety, my depression, me being completely unable to do anything i was able to do before. i had lost the being i was in the past. i had lost who i was, i had lost myself and nobody would or could tell me what was wrong with me and then i did some hard digging on the internet and found benzo buddies and realized that this was "withdrawal symptoms". who would've thought right? that a drug would have long lasting symptoms that could take months and years to go away? hahahaha i didn't when i was popping all those pills. i'm two months clean now and still trying to positively truck on forward with my life but everyday i still think about how i've lost who i used to be and i can't seem to find her. i've barely gotten back basic things i've used to do. i'm going to college part time and i had to quit my old job and haven't started working again. i started driving again recently but it still making my cringe thinking about it and these were all things i used to do so happily. i cry thinking i used to do these things so happily. i hope to hear positive words from other buddies on this forum and continue moving forward and find myself once again and never lose myself to xanax or any other stupid drug. 

[[be...]]

 

Hi natsuka29  Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

Congrats on being benzodiazepine free. However, I am sorry that you are feeling so badly. I know firsthand just what you are going through. I stopped a large dose cold turkey myself 10 months ago. As awful as your symptoms are know that they are temporary.

 

You might like to check out The Ashton Manual it is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field. 

 

Please feel free to post to any of the dedicated boards, we have a wonderful community of people here, who will give sound advice. Members have been through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal and are more than willing to share their experiences.

 

Members discuss their symptoms on the Post withdrawal recovery support.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again Welcome! 

 

benzos-R-cruel

 

[[De...]]

Hello natsuka29.

 

Welcome to the forum from me too 

 

Congratulations on being benzo free!

 

I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering so much. At 2 months benzo free you are, almost certainly, in the acute stage of withdrawal when symptoms are at their strongest. The strong symptoms will ease the further out you go but it can take a little while for the central nervous system to heal fully. Rest assured, however, the cns will heal with time and you will make a full recovery that's for sure. All of the symptoms you are describing sound withdrawal related and all are quite common, I've experienced most of these myself but if you would like feedback about these or any other symptoms please feel free to post qestions on The Post Withdrawal support board, benzos-R-cruel has given you a link to it.

 

I will give you a link to a post created by one of the members here, Parker which I think will give you a better understanding of exactly what you're currently going through. This post explains exactly what is involved with a full recovery after long term benzo use annd why it can take a while for some. Here is a link to "What is happening in your brain" 

 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

 

 

You will most certainly get your old self back with time and all of what you are now experiencing will feel like a distant bad memory.

 

I'm glad you found us and I wish you a speedy recovery.

 

Debbie

[[Wo...]]

I joined benzo buddies a while back desperately in search of a reason for why my head felt so weird i suppose. I'm a 20 year old female college student and i had what i 'thought' was bad anxiety hahahahahaha which is hilarious to me now because what i feel now is complete and utter hell. i first got a pill of xanax from a friend and she just told me oh it just chills you out and man, OH MAN did it chill me out. it was like this magical pill that erased all of my problems i ever had during high school. it erased all of my problems i ever had with anxiety, and did i want more. i had to have more. so i found more. i found more and more and more and more. i was on about 1mg to 5 mg, it flucuated between the week, depended on how much i wanted to abuse and how anxious i was feeling for about a year and then i realized that it wasn't doing it anymore. i needed more to make me feel calm and 1mg wouldn't do anything for me anymore. i felt shaky, i felt ill, i felt like sick. i needed to get off this poison that was ruining my life and so i did. i tried once, i went right back. i tried twice, i went right back. third time was a charm though, i quit cold turkey and the withdraws drove me mad. i cried and cried and didn't know what was happening. i wasn't myself, and still am not myself. i went to my psychologist and told her all of my symptoms like the excruciating pressure on my head, the dizziness, my disconnection with the world, my heightened anxiety, my depression, me being completely unable to do anything i was able to do before. i had lost the being i was in the past. i had lost who i was, i had lost myself and nobody would or could tell me what was wrong with me and then i did some hard digging on the internet and found benzo buddies and realized that this was "withdrawal symptoms". who would've thought right? that a drug would have long lasting symptoms that could take months and years to go away? hahahaha i didn't when i was popping all those pills. i'm two months clean now and still trying to positively truck on forward with my life but everyday i still think about how i've lost who i used to be and i can't seem to find her. i've barely gotten back basic things i've used to do. i'm going to college part time and i had to quit my old job and haven't started working again. i started driving again recently but it still making my cringe thinking about it and these were all things i used to do so happily. i cry thinking i used to do these things so happily. i hope to hear positive words from other buddies on this forum and continue moving forward and find myself once again and never lose myself to xanax or any other stupid drug.

 

Welcome Nat

 

Your story was like reading my story regarding the weird symptoms, like you I only found out what was causing them by coming on here and your comment about I cry thinking about the things I used to do so happily hit home..

 

Again welcome

 

Woofs