Why not get back on benzos

[[ph...]]

I'm starting to question the point of all of this. Like why I don't start taking benzos again. I could get stuff done before withdrawal and now i can't. I don't plan to get back on benzos but I think these thoughts from time to time. So, why do you not want to get back on benzos?

[[gr...]]

Because it caused me to have severe depression. I have no choice but to try to get well by coming off them.

[[je...]]

Tolerance w/d, and I was bedridden and so depressed. I still have sx  and more healing to do, but I feel so much better than while on the benzos...

[[da...]]

I'm starting to question the point of all of this. Like why I don't start taking benzos again. I could get stuff done before withdrawal and now i can't. I don't plan to get back on benzos but I think these thoughts from time to time. So, why do you not want to get back on benzos?

 

Why did you decide to taper/come off?

 

[[ph...]]

@Darkshadow: Good question. I chose to get off them bc I was tired all the time, had to constantly drink a stimulant to wake up, my brain was foggy, my memory was fuddled, and my concentration was not as good as it should have been.

[[ma...]]

Personally for me it effected my whole life, my career ground to a halt because I couldn't bothered doing any exams, they made me tired, ruined my sex drive, cognitive function decreased etc. I just took the decision that this wasn't the life I wanted so I decided to something about it and kick them for good! Although the withdrawal is hell, I'm convinced I'm going to come out of this experience a better person!

[[da...]]

@Darkshadow: Good question. I chose to get off them bc I was tired all the time, had to constantly drink a stimulant to wake up, my brain was foggy, my memory was fuddled, and my concentration was not as good as it should have been.

 

So then, is that a good enough reason to be off? Do you feel that the life before it was what you envisioned for the length of you life, if not worse?

[[ph...]]

@Darkshadow I feel my life on benzos was a facade of who I really am. I was a party animal on benzos and thought I could do anything I wanted at any given time. I had disregard for anything worth value including my car, my finances, and my career. Granted, I was in my 20s on benzos, which is considered somewhat of a wasted decade by many people anyway. But, that is not an excuse. I know why I got on benzos in the first place: bc of my low self-esteem, my high susceptibility for anxiety, and a few other important factors. So basically, I wrote that question bc I am frustrated at the side effects and how long it takes to recover. But, I am grateful that I have healed significantly and have moved forward in my self-growth.

[[ph...]]

I don't experience too many physical symptoms anymore. The depersonalization has mostly vanished as well as the muscle aches and brain fog. The things that are affecting me are the extreme inability to focus, the apathy, the withdrawal from friends, and the inability to focus on getting a job.

[Guest [Lu...]]

I don't experience too many physical symptoms anymore. The depersonalization has mostly vanished as well as the muscle aches and brain fog. The things that are affecting me are the extreme inability to focus, the apathy, the withdrawal from friends, and the inability to focus on getting a job.

 

Seems like a lot of people have the final stage of 'depression and apathy'. Maybe you're about to fully heal?

[Guest [...]]

It took away my sex drive and my feelings. My inability to connect with people caused them pain.

[[Qu...]]

Hey Phallax - my first 7 years on klonopin didn't seem that bad - the next 7 were the clincher for me. And when I look back over all 14 years I can see that my decline started back at the very beginning. You get stupider and more dysfunctional so slowly, that you don't know it is even happening - then you're stuck with no brain, no motivation, no energy, weird sx, and maybe prescribed 2 or 3 other drugs to counteract how badly the benzo makes you feel.

 

Then your doctor tells you that you should stay on this crap for the rest of your life.

 

And then, (this month) a study comes out telling you that you have a 51% chance of getting Alzheimer's or Dementia. Shoot, I was getting so stupid that I had early Alzheimer's test done 5 years ago.

 

It's a tough call though, because the withdrawal sux so bad !

 

So I guess all I can say is hang in there, lame as that might sound. It beats the alternative.

[[Fl...]]

Aside from the fact that I now realize the the benzo was making me depressed and robbing me of my creativity, now that I realize just how much damage these drugs have caused to my brain and body there is absolutely no way I will ever touch one again.

 

Once you have proven to have a serious dependency I seriously doubt that it can ever be as simple as reinstating and life will be peachy again. Even if the reinstatement was "successful" there has to be a price to pay and I could never go through this again. I'm going to get it out of the way no matter how long it takes or how complete my healing ends up being.

[[Be...]]

I got off benzos because I was suffering severe depression, mood swings and obsessive thinking. The withdrawal I experienced was so bad that of course i htought about going back on but I didn't because I realized that if I stayed off I would probably slowly get better whereas if I stayed on I would not get better.

[[se...]]

I am entering month three of withdrawal, and I often find myself wondering if I would be better off back on the benzos. I start to think that I will never get over this crippling anxiety and insomnia and that my sleep was better on benzos. Then I remember my constant struggles over the last 7 years while on benzos: the horrific and unsuccessful 5-day detox at psych ward; the total destruction of my professional life; the constant worry that I would be cut off benzos; the  unrelenting  and very expensive hypochondria; the obsessive, intrusive thoughts; the detriment to my personal relationships; the second desperate one-day visit to the psych ward--should I go on?

 

I am determined to do better.

[[ph...]]

    Hey Everyone...I get your point. I definitely get your point as it is all true. While I was on benzos though, I could function. I just had to drink coffee all the time, which is not good for me at all but the point is, I could work and function. And yes, the benzos clouded my memory and I think they did make me a little slower. But now, I can't remember anything anymore, lose stuff all the time, can't think, and I am still depersonalized to a certain degree. Some days, I go into full blown depersonalization. I spend copious amounts of money on yoga= I have to do it EVERY day to gain energy and cease the depersonalization. Not to mention, I have paid a good amount of money monthly on naturopathic tinctures that put lot of vitamins and minerals in my system. I've spent thousands and I do mean thousands of dollars in total on different holistic methods to get better. Also, my mood has gone to a state of callousness and apathy. (maybe I am almost healed, I don't know though) I still have ambitions for myself but my focus is usually so out of control that I get nothing done in regards to applying for jobs (I got laid off a couple months ago) and engaging in a hobby besides sitting on the computer for long periods of time looking at facebook.

 

    Yes, this is a personal problem but every time I think of another hobby like photography or learning a new language or playing a musical instrument, my mind thinks about something else like a minute later and I forget I even had the idea in the first place. And, I have moved past the agoraphobia stage. I did that for a year. It sucks. I am not an inside person. I survive with structure and the outdoors but that is hard to do when your nervous system is shot. So, I have been doing volunteer work almost everyday and going to coffee shops to apply for more jobs. Oh, and I used to work out everyday= run and go to the gym. It was the main thing that decreased my stress level. You can't do that during withdrawal. Also, I have an anxiety disorder which is why I started taking benzos in the first place. I'm sure many of you took them for anxiety as well. So, my question is since we can't exercise, doing yoga everyday costs a lot of money, meditation is great but is hard to do at work, can't take antidepressants, the vitamins don't really work, how are you able to even work, let alone function at work?

 

    And yes, this posts sounds egotistical, angry, and like I'm engaging in a pity party so I apologize. There are many positives in my healing process as well. I am wayyyy better than I used to be and CAN function a lot better. I am just trying to get some more valid feedback on why we choose to suffer everyday for who knows how long? Many people say they are healed during the 22nd month. Well, my process has lasted a lot longer than that. Ok, my rant is over... I would like to hear you guys' stories as well. I am not hear to just talk about myself as I feel for you guys' suffering as well. Please feel free to share your own stories, why you got off benzos, and why you won't get back on them (which many of you already have and I appreciate the feedback).

[[ph...]]

I forgot one more thing= my birthday is tomorrow and I am not excited for it one bit. I also have not told my parents, g/f, best friend, anyone that I want one present. Don't even feel like going out for it. It's like my birthday doesn't exist. Withdrawal is def doing that.

[[ra...]]

Phallex,

 

Here it is for me.  At over 25 months, I have good days and bad days, and still have quite a bit of healing left to do.  I have been lucky in a sense that after a 2 week "stabilization" on my taper, I have been able to function, more or less.  I have only missed 2 days of work since then due to benzos, and I travel around the world for business regularly.  My symptoms are worse than some, and not as bad as others, although my healing time is longer than most.

 

The reason I cannot go back on benzos is that they do not cure or even effectively treat anything.  I have insomnia, which is not going to magically get better now that I am 2 years off benzos.  But it made it worse for a long time, and the dependence and withdrawal results in long-term neurological damage which causes our symptoms.

 

Once the damage is done, the only cure is time away from benzos, and whatever symptoms you have, you have to deal.  See Florida guy's post.  Reinstatement doesn't even work.

 

Just make up your mind to do the best you can.

 

Be well and good luck,

 

ramcon1

[Guest [...]]

I feel that my withdrawal symptoms of cog fog, memory problems, apathy, etc were all there before I just didn't have the ability to judge that they were harmful. After my last dose I remember doing things and making mistakes while on benzos that are uncharacteristic of me but at the time I thought was fine.

 

Maybe you just think you were better off before?

 

With the internet you can do exercise for free at home.

[[ph...]]

Ramcon 1 and Florida Guy are right. It is a bad idea to reinstate bc they won't do the same thing and there could be a terrible price to pay. I am claustrophobic and stay in a small condo. It's safe to say that being in there for too long is causing some of my obsessive negative thoughts. I'm thinking of renting it out and renting a house with a backyard. I also do tend to just worry a lot in general so maybe if I get out of that condo, find a hobby, and keep busy, I won't worry as much. And Thalia: no I feel better and in more control of my life without the benzos. At times, I wish I could take one though.

[[ph...]]

Sorry misspelled your name: at Thaler not Thalia.

[[St...]]

        Many people say they are healed during the 22nd month. Well, my process has lasted a lot longer than that.

 

From your signature you have been off benzos less than 22 months.  How do you figure your process has lasted a lot longer than that?

 

The collective evidence is clear from this forum as well as my personal experience:

On benzos we are sick.  Off benzos we are sick during a long withdrawal process (longer for some than others).  After withdrawal process we are much better than on benzos or during withdrawal.

 

I too craved benzos during withdrawal.  Recently I turned the corner and it is not ever a thought.  Not even close.

[[St...]]

    I spend copious amounts of money on yoga= I have to do it EVERY day to gain energy and cease the depersonalization. Not to mention, I have paid a good amount of money monthly on naturopathic tinctures that put lot of vitamins and minerals in my system. I've spent thousands and I do mean thousands of dollars in total on different holistic methods to get better.

 

I spent over $30K going to rehab and thousands on therapy, supplements, doctors.  I don't regret any of it but looking back I could have saved a lot because all I really needed was time to recover.  You can do yoga on your own and people seem to recover with or without holistic methods.  Just saying you could probably save a lot of money because you are healing anyway. 

[Guest [...]]

I think you should just replace your craving for benzo with something else. Cravings are good in a way, they get us what we want. Plato said, "Education is learning what to want." So maybe want something better.

[[Bi...]]

What I can't wrap my mind around is: Who in their right mind would want to take another one, after seeing what they do?

 

No judgement here. Each to their own.

 

 

And anyway, if you got back on them... how long do you think it would take for tolerance to settle in again? You would be miserable. I certainly was.

 

Keep going. You will get there.