Med free, but not home free!

[[8d...]]

I had longed to one day write in this area of the forum. At one point, it seemed impossible. Seemed I would never get there.

 

My journey with benzos/z-drugs was not long in comparison to some here, but it was painful.

 

I am 36 years old and have OCD (let's call it anxiety). I lived at home with my parents, and managed well in my life. But I had fallen in love, and this past December, I was married and moving in with my love. Although part of me was bursting with joy, the other part of writhing in pain, as I felt horribly guilty for leaving my two aging parents (even though I was only moving 15 minutes away!).

 

I would cry to myself as I left my parent's home heading to my new life. I would be at home with my wife, crying to myself in the shower. As a result of the anxiety/stress, I could not sleep. I always had trouble sleeping outside of my own bed, but this time it was far worse. I would go night unable to sleep, and then I would take naps in the day when I was absolutely exhausted.

 

In hindsight, I realize how terrible this was. How completely unnecessary it was. But the damage had been done. I had built up so stress over this, I think I gave myself a disorder!

 

I ended up going to see a doctor in mid-January, complaining I could not sleep, and was put on Zopiclone (like Ambien). I took it nightly for 2 months, and it worked. But then the effectiveness went away, and I had to up the dose. When that didn't work, I started taking it with some Lorazepam. I did this up until March, where I got so stressed I ended up in a patch ward for the night.

 

I ended up meeting another doctor that tried to wean me off, but any little cut I made, equalled a very big disturbance in sleep. On May 5, I was feeling suicidal. Felt I could not live live like this any longer. I met a new proc, and he told me to stop the Zopiclone CT, and switch over to Seroquel. I started on the Seroquel, and I was able to sleep fairly well. Only taking 50mg.

 

The first month was ok. Then it started to lose effectiveness. Or, I was just getting so anxious about being on drugs, it was not able to do what it was intended to do. On July 31, I decided I would stop taking the Seroquel. I was at 37.50mg, and I just went off CT.

 

The first two nights brought very little to no sleep. Then on the third night, I slept 6 hours! Then none! Then I went 16 days straight with very good, restful sleep.

 

Then I had a couple of very rough days of sleep, then back on. And the roller coaster continues today.

 

I have built up an obsession about sleep. I worry about not sleeping in the day most days. I don't feel tired enough to sleep ever. I just find I put myself in bed, and I miraculously drop off most times. But I don't feel that tired, fading feeling I felt before all this anxiety and the drugs started in January.

 

I'm happy to be off meds, but very unhappy to be struggling still.

 

Does it seem possible, that after only 4 months of z-drugs and some benzos, and then 3 months of Seroquel, I could still be dealing with WD after being clean for over 60 days? It's been 5 months since I last took a z-drug/benzo, so seems unlikely it would still be haunting me.

 

Any input would be appreciated

[[8d...]]

Anyone???

[[La...]]

I'm 8+ months off of SHORT TERM ativan use and I'm still struggling with insomnia (and other more minor benzo sxs). I dont like the word normal, but yes, I think your experience can be due to residual effects of the drugs. Our coping mechanisms (for dealing with anxiery and stress) are likely compromised from the drug and it may take some time for those to get back to normal. Feeling fear and anxiety while trying to sleep doesnt make for a good nights rest. I like to watch some comedy right before bed, it helps to ease my mind.

[[8d...]]

You had the good sense to taper... I went CT from Zopiclone (and occasional benzos) and CT from Seroquel 3 months later.

 

I don't understand how I can sleep 3-4 hours, and then not be tired enough to nap in the day.

 

Prior to all this, if I had a 4 hour sleep, I would set myself up perfectly for a sweet nap in the daytime. What is wrong with me now?

[[he...]]

good job, but you weren't really on these drugs long enough or at a high enough dose for that severe of dependence.

[[8d...]]

I think 4 months of these drugs, some of the time even taking both Zopiclone and Ativan together, and the a CT.... Maybe that was enough to put me in a WD.

 

Don't you think?

[[ki...]]

good job, but you weren't really on these drugs long enough or at a high enough dose for that severe of dependence.

 

This is absolutely wrong.  I was a short-term, low-dose user who had no history of anxiety issues and I'm still struggling 3 months off.  My symptoms match what is on the Wiki page for benzo withdrawal almost exactly. 

 

For whatever reason, some of us are sensitive enough to these medications to be adversely affected in a very short time.  Most of my wx are physical, but I do have some mental as well.  I would guess that most new symptoms can be attributed to withdrawal, but anything you had before that has resurfaced may be genuine or heightened by withdrawal.