Cognitive symptoms or just losing it?

[[Li...]]

Curious if these symptoms resonate with any of you and if you’ve had success overcoming them.

 

During my apparent tolerance months, my cognitive capacity seemed to be diminishing. However, I experienced an immediate and undeniable escalation in symptoms at the point in which I jumped off the drug altogether (.25mg Alprazolam). And these have been hanging on for the past 11 months.

 

The following symptoms result in an overarching sense of not feeling at ease within myself, mired in periodic changes in mood and heightened vulnerability, that otherwise didn’t exist prior to coming off the drug (and prior to taking the drug in the first place!).

 

Perception: Looking at the world as if there’s a veiled filter encumbering my ability to take it all in. A sense of closing in or compressed perception resulting in an unnerving quality. feeling a bit detached from my surroundings. Periodic visual jerky movements as I scan the surroundings, heightened sensitivity to light. Lack of fluidity and diminished connection with the environment.

 

Thinking: Reading comprehension is diminished. Have a terrible time with driving (and taking) directions. Writing and articulating ideas cogently and in a linear fashion are more of a challenge. The more demands I put on my brain the more I feel that sense of cognitive compression.

 

Conversations: Do pretty well with light banter, but get lost easily in conversations that are more demanding and require a train of thought. Anything that requires analyzing or probing beneath the surface is still a challenge.

 

Memory: My short term memory is choppy. Seems that most of it gets in, but isn’t necessarily as accessible as it normally would be. Sense of time and chronology of events throughout the day are messed up, it’s difficult for me to recall what I did that morning or weekend (have to really work at it). Again, unnerving.

 

Hissing: I’ve best described this as if my brain were equipped with natural gas lines and you could sense (or hear) the gas running through the pipes, more so at different times of the day, yet always present. Get’s ‘louder’ after certain meals, etc. Would this be the ringing that many people refer too? I too get those ‘typical’ ear ringing moments, seemingly audible pitched frequencies that I normally would ascribe to ‘ringing of the ears,’ but that’s more sporadic.

 

My feeling is that when this ‘hissing’ goes away, I will be healed. It’s almost like I can sense the damaged receptors misfiring in my head.

 

Physical: Fluctuation of an arbitrary stress response, resulting in disturbed sleep, not necessary tied to a thought. Light sensation of adrenaline flushing out from the feet up, kind of tingly in nature. Periodic hot flushes at night coupled with the stress response. My eyeballs feel like cotton balls and I’ve had periodic banding headaches in the past – these seemed to have lessened.

 

[[ea...]]

Hi Liv4Life,

 

1. Perception...this sounds very much like DR (derealization). Very common. Its a reaction by the mind to anxiety, fear and stress, which benzo withdrawal sure has a lot of.

2.and 4. This is extremely common! Our brains have been messed with. Benzos and withdrawal definitely cause memory troubles

3. I would guess that the DR is affecting your ability to converse. Feeling removed will do that.

4. The hissing is tinnitus. This is also very common. It is one of my longest lasting symptoms. Mine has always sounded somehow electrical. A high pitched hissing noise, very annoying.

5. Physical symptoms....again, very common.

 

Nothing you have mentioned sounds out of the ordinary. You can find many threads here about all of these issues.

In my experience theres only one way to deal with most of it: distracting yourself. Of course, that doesn't work with sleep problems! If you find a way to deal with that, let me know.

 

Don't give up...all of these things will get better at some point. Its the "when" that is the problem...and the waiting for healing to become apparent.

east

[[Li...]]

Thank you. Helpful to hear those reassuring words. I will continue to wait it out!

[[ea...]]

Yep - that is it. Wait. I had the most trouble understanding that there wasn't much I could do to make things go faster, that healing would just happen when it happened and not before. I am a take charge kind of person, and having to just wait has been very difficult.

But, we dont have a choice, except to stay on the drug and get more miserable. Sigh..........................

east

[[Li...]]

Its a funny trap. When something feels and acts 'permanent', from week to week, month to month...it's hard to look at it otherwise. I won't anticipate, but I have to allow myself to just roll with this as things are and hope that maybe in a year or so things will be clearer. I welcome an early release.

[[ea...]]

For me, it has been the slowness of my healing that's bugged me. So slow it feels imperceptible....I heal at a crawl's pace. Its been like that all along, for me. And yet, I am healing. In the last couple months, even my sleep has started to improve. Its hardly normal yet, but better.

But I have read enough to know that things could just change overnight. I don't expect that, but you never know.

I try not to think about the future, and how I will feel. I try to take it one day at a time. I used to have to live minute to minute, so being day to day is a big change.

I think that feeling of permanence is part of the "benzo lies".

Don't give up..... we will both recover from this.

east