Alienation, need perspective on a/d use.

[[Ap...]]

I just recently became benzo wise...like six months after I c/t'd. The year before that I had been taking 1-2mg ativan sporadically and had unknowingly been going into acute w/d...I was sick, shaking, always anxious....raging all the time! Didn't trust anyone, hated university. And I thought this was because I had recently quit my a.d. My doctor was f*** clueless which is still a huge point of anger for me. This was traumatic, as previously I had been sociable, happy...I forget how it feels to be like that now. I wonder if someone had told me of the dangers of benzo use earlier on how different my life would be now. The worse part was I damaged many of my relationships by being so clueless and unable to regulate my responses. Now I am five months off and the anxiety is crushing. No one understands why I can't be around other people because they don't really understand what benzo withdrawal is. Many say, push your comfort zone, don't take anymore "pills" (A/d)...but at this point my depression has been for 1.5 years and I can barely speak never mind go to class without crying.

 

So I recently started 10 mg of Celexa. It has helped the anxiety. But I am feeling very guilty on a spiritual level, while also worried that it will hurt the healing process. I was wondering if anyone has had success in staying on a/d during the first year or so of protracted w/d and then successfully weaned off and remained healed. Thank you

[[me...]]

Hi,

 

I was on a high dose of celexa before and during my taper, and for a year afterwards.  It did seem to help me in some ways, especially in lessening my depression.  I've been tapering off it since and am now down to a fraction of my starting dose.  I think that if this drug helps you get through your recovery (and at 5 months off it's "early" yet), there is nothing wrong with taking it.  It's not a moral or spiritual issue, IMO. "Pushing your comfort zone" during this time is not a good idea for most of us, since we have more than enough to deal with as it is.  You can eventually taper off the celexa.  Please don't "beat yourself up" over this.

 

[[Ap...]]

Aw thank you megan918, that is so encouraging. I'm happy to hear you are doing well, the support is really helpful in making these decisions. Can't wait until it's been a year. Congrats!