Severe dissociation/ dpdr ?

[[Si...]]

Hi this is my first post be gentle it's taken me months to try to figure this out then get up the courage. I am in the last two weeks of a k taper. Since my ct in 2012 I have had dpdr and felt like I wasn't quite in my body- numb like. It's been constant, but in June I began having it so bad I can't feel my body like at all and it's gotten worse for months almost everyday. It's so bad now I often seriously wonder how I'm alive/ real and wonder if Im in purgatory and when I'm not pondering that I'm worrying I'm just becoming psychotic/ schizophrenia. The body numbness is so bad I can't feel anything inside of me like hollow lifelessness or any outside around me it's seriously like not having a physical body AT ALL. I can't feel my face or that I have a head or even that I have eyes or a mouth. I'm so scared I don't know what to do anymore. To clarify I never had any of these experiences prior to benzos. But it never goes away for me and I'm frightened this is just it for me. Sometimes I truly wonder if I'm alive it's so intense. I know this is very extreme, but I'm in desperate need of support. I'm losing all hope. 

[[ma...]]

Hi Siberia

 

Don't lose hope, I am so sorry your struggling with this awful symptom, It will go away eventually I am sure. hang in there.

 

I suffered with Derealization and Depersonalization It wasn't as severe as yours but I know what your going through

 

I found this thread, if you use the search feature, you will find other threads

 

Dissociation-has it gotten better for anyone?

 

Magrita

 

[[ea...]]

Im glad you got up the courage to write. That's a big first step in getting better, I think. What you have described is very typical of benzo withdrawal, unfortunately. It is extremely unpleasant and weird. Many of us have found that distracting ourselves from the symptoms is the best way to handle them. I know that right now, you may not think you CAN distract...but if you try, you will be able to. Seems like the worst thing one can do is sit around, feeling the symptoms...seems to make them worse, bigger, more scary.

Glad you have reached out for help, Siberia. Keep writing.

east

[[be...]]

Im glad you got up the courage to write. That's a big first step in getting better, I think. What you have described is very typical of benzo withdrawal, unfortunately. It is extremely unpleasant and weird. Many of us have found that distracting ourselves from the symptoms is the best way to handle them. I know that right now, you may not think you CAN distract...but if you try, you will be able to. Seems like the worst thing one can do is sit around, feeling the symptoms...seems to make them worse, bigger, more scary.

Glad you have reached out for help, Siberia. Keep writing.

east

 

Hi and thanks for writing. Feel free to post as much as you want to. That's why we are here. I had both D/P and D/R when I did a C/T off Xanax, so I know what you are going through. It is one of the most troublesome w/d effects you can get, IMO. east said it best per usual. Really make an effort to distract yourself. You don't just want to sit in a chair all day and keep rethinking your problem. Maybe you can watch some TV or try and read a book? Or if possible, try going for a short walk? I find, that when I am empty of chores/writing/errands, I feel very bored and I want something to do. However, I don't have what you have. Just bored. I either watch a movie on Netflix or play with my dog. Those are two great distractions that keep me from just laying down and falling asleep, which is so easy to do for me. Take care buddy. This will pass; it's just another gift from benzos. They keep on giving. ~~ Bets

[[Cl...]]

Siberia, please keep on writing, according to you signature you may have a lot of experience on benzo withdrawal, we beginners need your advices. You should be proud of yourself since you are almost benzo-free!!!

[[dp...]]

You will get more replies I'm sure Siberia

 

Just trust, this too shall pass.. and others have been in this ugly, dark, dirty place.

 

Keep on keeping on girl.

[[Wo...]]

Hi this is my first post be gentle it's taken me months to try to figure this out then get up the courage. I am in the last two weeks of a k taper. Since my ct in 2012 I have had dpdr and felt like I wasn't quite in my body- numb like. It's been constant, but in June I began having it so bad I can't feel my body like at all and it's gotten worse for months almost everyday. It's so bad now I often seriously wonder how I'm alive/ real and wonder if Im in purgatory and when I'm not pondering that I'm worrying I'm just becoming psychotic/ schizophrenia. The body numbness is so bad I can't feel anything inside of me like hollow lifelessness or any outside around me it's seriously like not having a physical body AT ALL. I can't feel my face or that I have a head or even that I have eyes or a mouth. I'm so scared I don't know what to do anymore. To clarify I never had any of these experiences prior to benzos. But it never goes away for me and I'm frightened this is just it for me. Sometimes I truly wonder if I'm alive it's so intense. I know this is very extreme, but I'm in desperate need of support. I'm losing all hope.

 

Hi Siberia

 

Like I reponded to you earlier jump on my threads as there is several people on them that can help you with this with East been top of the list, I sent you a PM back so anything you need just ask, you describe me to a tee, I have many strange, blizzare and terrifying symptoms but the severe DP DR and Dissasociation is by far the worst of them, whatever it is has defo come straight from hell, i can't see how this is protecting us as everything I have read has said, this is pure evil torture and how it's even possible for this to happen is beyound all reality!!!!

 

I feel your pain in many ways but as East has said distraction is the only way to endure it, distraction won't make it go away as I know only too well but it will take your mind of how terrfying it is, sitting round trying to analize it makes it stronger and more terrifying, believe me I've had 22 months experience at this so ive more than served my time in DP DR Hell

 

Keep writing and reaching out

 

Woofs

 

[[ea...]]

Siberia, how are you doing today? I feel bad for you. I remember feeling like that so well. I was disconnected from everything around me. I couldn't feel much except panic, and fear. Everything looked "off" somehow, not centered, unreal, strange. I was a stranger in my own land. But time went by and it gradually went away, like most of my other symptoms. Every once in a while, even now, I get flashes of this, but it doesn't stay long (thank God!). I have used distraction now for two years, all the time. It has become a habit now. Any time I find myself starting to focus on my remaining symptoms, I start distracting myself. I find all kinds of little projects to do, even if its just cleaning my place again. (Believe me, I have a very clean apartment!)

You can get through this. You have a lot of company here, and don't ever feel shy about posting. That is why this forum exists, so take advantage of it. Sometimes, it may take a while to get a lot of replies, but don't let that discourage you.

east

[[pa...]]

Unfortunately, I've dealt with episodes of DP/DR prior to even taking a benzo.  It just went hand & hand with my anxiety.  Since I've gone through this for so long, I had to devise a way to control it. 

 

As silly as it sounds, the thing that I found to help the most when I felt this way was to wear sunglasses, even inside of stores.  Don't ask me how/why it works, but it's done soo much for me.  Guess maybe because the lenses tone colors & brightness down a lot.

[[Si...]]

Hopefully I am doing this posting right I am a bit confused.. Can you all see I am posting this? Are you notified?

 

Panick pink- yes I absolutely have to wear sunglasses when I go out. I went into walmart last night with out them and literally thought I was going to die.lol! Honestly though I'm just so use to the weird visuals and I have bad eye sight anyways I really don't remember what it's like to see normal. But the sunglasses don't help me feel my body more nothing does since you've suffered a while do you have any advice on that. Nothing has brought me back.

 

East coast62- thanks so much for your support. I don't feel I can distract I never can forget, I don't know what to do it seems everyone else can do this distracting I can never forget, I don't know what is wrong for me. I do clean everyday like you said. But my body and me feels so numb/gone I don't know how to forget I can't feel that I'm here at all or alive. I need to practice distracting. Did you go through it similar to like I say, and it faded for you east coast? I can't imagine feeling like I'm real and have a body again it would be like reappearing from nowhere like darn magic. Today I am struggling I can't fathom how I am alive or in a body cuz I can't feel it at all... It's terrifying- and a whole lot of grizzly feelings I'm embarrassed to share here. 2 weeks to go till I'm off I don't know how I'm gonna do it.

 

Woofs- thanks for the reply, what threads should I look at? You experience this similar to what I describe? Maybe you can help give me some tips of the distraction. Yes this experience seems beyond the human experience to me like it doesn't even seem humanly possible to feel how I feel and be alive/human/real.. Maybe that's why u can't fathom my existence and often seriously question it- so scary.

 

Clona- thanks so much for your support and reply. I will try top write more it is just hard. I have already been writing just this so long. My brain doesn't work right.

 

Benzogirl- thanks for the reply- so hard to distract I am trying. did you have a similar thing in ct? I tried to message you but it would not let me. I saw you posted I think on someone else's post you have heard other people complain of this full body numbness stuff? You said you had heard someone say they could even cut there tongue in two and not feel it. That's how I am but my whole body inside and out it's just gone and basically feelingless. Maybe you could direct me to posts or ask the member(s) you were talking about if they would like to be in contact with me and give them my name. I never find that many people who know what I talking about:/ I feel very alone.

 

Magrita- thanks for the support and reply, I'll try not to give up hope. I just always feel like I have this symptom the worse and I hate feeling alone like that. It's a bad feeling.

 

Ok thanks y'all for the replies and I hope you see this.

 

[[Wo...]]

Hopefully I am doing this posting right I am a bit confused.. Can you all see I am posting this? Are you notified?

 

Panick pink- yes I absolutely have to wear sunglasses when I go out. I went into walmart last night with out them and literally thought I was going to die.lol! Honestly though I'm just so use to the weird visuals and I have bad eye sight anyways I really don't remember what it's like to see normal. But the sunglasses don't help me feel my body more nothing does since you've suffered a while do you have any advice on that. Nothing has brought me back.

 

East coast62- thanks so much for your support. I don't feel I can distract I never can forget, I don't know what to do it seems everyone else can do this distracting I can never forget, I don't know what is wrong for me. I do clean everyday like you said. But my body and me feels so numb/gone I don't know how to forget I can't feel that I'm here at all or alive. I need to practice distracting. Did you go through it similar to like I say, and it faded for you east coast? I can't imagine feeling like I'm real and have a body again it would be like reappearing from nowhere like darn magic. Today I am struggling I can't fathom how I am alive or in a body cuz I can't feel it at all... It's terrifying- and a whole lot of grizzly feelings I'm embarrassed to share here. 2 weeks to go till I'm off I don't know how I'm gonna do it.

 

Woofs- thanks for the reply, what threads should I look at? You experience this similar to what I describe? Maybe you can help give me some tips of the distraction. Yes this experience seems beyond the human experience to me like it doesn't even seem humanly possible to feel how I feel and be alive/human/real.. Maybe that's why u can't fathom my existence and often seriously question it- so scary.

 

Clona- thanks so much for your support and reply. I will try top write more it is just hard. I have already been writing just this so long. My brain doesn't work right.

 

Benzogirl- thanks for the reply- so hard to distract I am trying. did you have a similar thing in ct? I tried to message you but it would not let me. I saw you posted I think on someone else's post you have heard other people complain of this full body numbness stuff? You said you had heard someone say they could even cut there tongue in two and not feel it. That's how I am but my whole body inside and out it's just gone and basically feelingless. Maybe you could direct me to posts or ask the member(s) you were talking about if they would like to be in contact with me and give them my name. I never find that many people who know what I talking about:/ I feel very alone.

 

Magrita- thanks for the support and reply, I'll try not to give up hope. I just always feel like I have this symptom the worse and I hate feeling alone like that. It's a bad feeling.

 

Ok thanks y'all for the replies and I hope you see this.

 

Hi Siberia

 

Copy and paste this link and add your story then anytime someone responds you will get notified

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=107291.0

 

Then if you type any of these words - DP, DR Dissasocation, Disconnection, Confusion, Alien, Lost Reality or anything about how your feeling it should bring up threads that you can then add your story for more support..

 

Hope this helps for now

 

Best

 

Woofs

[[ea...]]

HI Siberia,

Distracting takes practice. I was pretty bad at it at first, too. I did some seriously weird things to distract myself....its kind of funny now, but wasn't then. I am one of those people who, when I feel anxious, gets restless and cant sit still. So, my distractions tended to be fairly active around my house. Im still like that, but no longer do such silly things.....well, almost never, anyway.( )

 

When you try to distract, you don't really ever forget. How could you forget?! But it may take even a fraction of your mind off how you feel, and that is a good thing to do.

 

I lived in a bubble of DP back then. Like I was wrapped in layers of cotton batting or gauze, but it didn't feel soft or nice. It felt weird and nasty somehow. I felt like some sort of alien inside my own body.

 

I believe you about the grizzly feelings you don't want to share. I would guess these are "intrusive thoughts' and this is quite common. We get these simply awful, brutal, sick thoughts or pictures in our heads and cannot shake them loose. Then we start to wonder, "Maybe I AM crazy, thinking stuff like this..?" But we aren't crazy. Intrusive thoughts just happen to people in withdrawal. It doesn't mean anything, it does not mean you actually want to DO the things you've pictured. Not at all. There are  different ways to shake these intrusive thoughts off you, if you would like to hear about it.

 

Hopefully, tomorrow will bring you some moments of relief. You could turn a corner at any time, you know.

east

[[...]]

Wow, I'm so glad this is par for the course, and not some prelude to mental insanity or early onset dementia! Earlier this evening I was trying to explain this "detachment" to my wife, trying to put into words how I sometimes feel like I'm having an "out of body" experience... Like my body is a robot or pre-programmed machine while I am above or beside it, watching. She apparently hit the nail on the head when she termed it as "dissociation", and compared it to a form of "cognitive dissonance"- where your mind tries to make sense of a potentially unsafe or unrealistic situation. She said it was a natural defense mechanism for our brains.

[[Cl...]]

Siberia, i want to give you some support, i just do not know how to do it, i am almost new in this blog, it is great that you managed to go to Walmart, that is a good thing!!! You sound very intelligent! You will be out of this hell very soon! And you have also wrote to us again!, you have all of us, most important: we have you...i know nothing about DP and DR...i am learning this from you. My best wishes!

[[dp...]]

Bump*

[[be...]]

Hopefully I am doing this posting right I am a bit confused.. Can you all see I am posting this? Are you notified?

 

Panick pink- yes I absolutely have to wear sunglasses when I go out. I went into walmart last night with out them and literally thought I was going to die.lol! Honestly though I'm just so use to the weird visuals and I have bad eye sight anyways I really don't remember what it's like to see normal. But the sunglasses don't help me feel my body more nothing does since you've suffered a while do you have any advice on that. Nothing has brought me back.

 

East coast62- thanks so much for your support. I don't feel I can distract I never can forget, I don't know what to do it seems everyone else can do this distracting I can never forget, I don't know what is wrong for me. I do clean everyday like you said. But my body and me feels so numb/gone I don't know how to forget I can't feel that I'm here at all or alive. I need to practice distracting. Did you go through it similar to like I say, and it faded for you east coast? I can't imagine feeling like I'm real and have a body again it would be like reappearing from nowhere like darn magic. Today I am struggling I can't fathom how I am alive or in a body cuz I can't feel it at all... It's terrifying- and a whole lot of grizzly feelings I'm embarrassed to share here. 2 weeks to go till I'm off I don't know how I'm gonna do it.

 

Woofs- thanks for the reply, what threads should I look at? You experience this similar to what I describe? Maybe you can help give me some tips of the distraction. Yes this experience seems beyond the human experience to me like it doesn't even seem humanly possible to feel how I feel and be alive/human/real.. Maybe that's why u can't fathom my existence and often seriously question it- so scary.

 

Clona- thanks so much for your support and reply. I will try top write more it is just hard. I have already been writing just this so long. My brain doesn't work right.

 

Benzogirl- thanks for the reply- so hard to distract I am trying. did you have a similar thing in ct? I tried to message you but it would not let me. I saw you posted I think on someone else's post you have heard other people complain of this full body numbness stuff? You said you had heard someone say they could even cut there tongue in two and not feel it. That's how I am but my whole body inside and out it's just gone and basically feelingless. Maybe you could direct me to posts or ask the member(s) you were talking about if they would like to be in contact with me and give them my name. I never find that many people who know what I talking about:/ I feel very alone.

 

Magrita- thanks for the support and reply, I'll try not to give up hope. I just always feel like I have this symptom the worse and I hate feeling alone like that. It's a bad feeling.

 

Ok thanks y'all for the replies and I hope you see this.

 

Yes, unfortunately, when I did my C/T, I had the same and much more. It was just so fretfully and bizarre that I thought I was some sort of Alien. I don't ever remember feeling that bad in my whole life. Even after major surgery and two broken arms. You can't PM b/c I blocked my system for now. NOBODY can PM me, even the moderators, so don't feel like you are left out. This is a very lonely journey and for many of us, BB has been our savior. Only WE understand what you are going thru, because so many here have had the same problems and some still do. Family and friends just don't understand (including many doctors), so I've long ago tried explaining benzo withdrawal and what to expect. I keep it to myself except for two close friends, BB and my pdoc, because HE understands. Also yes, I was the one who wrote about my friend who is numb inside and out. She was the one that said she could cut her tongue in half and not feel anything. Every day she sends me an email, saying she is convinced that she is insane. It weighs on her so much that she talks about killing herself. This has been going on for months for her. But I think she's turned the corner, as she told me this morning that her back hurt. And she fell a couple of days ago and could not feel it at all. Today, she felt it. She said it was finally good to feel some pain, as they means her sensations are coming back. Now her sensations are returning to her mouth. See, she was in such a bad way and now she is finally getting better. She still has a bit of D/R but says it's doable. So in the end, you somehow manage to get thru it.

 

However, I didn't manage. I C/T off 13 mg of Xanax and Paxil at the same time (not my choice) and I felt so horrible that I had to reinstate. That's why I am here right now. If I managed to stick it out, I would never have found BB and would be back to normal. Just don't be afraid to post anytime you want to. Since we have members all over the world, there is always someone online. I will say a prayer for you tonight, tomorrow and the next day. It can't hurt. If I read on the open forum about member who is going thru the same, I will pass it on. Take care luv, hugs, ~~ Bets

[[Si...]]

Thanks for taking the time to reply! I hope you will see this. Thanks for sharing your story.How long did the Dp like this last for you? If that person you talk about would like to talk to me please give my info to them!? Literally the way this person sounds sounds exactly like what I'm going through it's so weird how similar it sounds. You say she is doing better and her feelings are coming back and dr lessening? I'm so worried there is something very neurologically wrong with me or I am crazy. Is this body numbness out if body stuff is it dp? Does she have it from dp from withdrawl? 

Hopefully I am doing this posting right I am a bit confused.. Can you all see I am posting this? Are you notified?

 

Panick pink- yes I absolutely have to wear sunglasses when I go out. I went into walmart last night with out them and literally thought I was going to die.lol! Honestly though I'm just so use to the weird visuals and I have bad eye sight anyways I really don't remember what it's like to see normal. But the sunglasses don't help me feel my body more nothing does since you've suffered a while do you have any advice on that. Nothing has brought me back.

 

East coast62- thanks so much for your support. I don't feel I can distract I never can forget, I don't know what to do it seems everyone else can do this distracting I can never forget, I don't know what is wrong for me. I do clean everyday like you said. But my body and me feels so numb/gone I don't know how to forget I can't feel that I'm here at all or alive. I need to practice distracting. Did you go through it similar to like I say, and it faded for you east coast? I can't imagine feeling like I'm real and have a body again it would be like reappearing from nowhere like darn magic. Today I am struggling I can't fathom how I am alive or in a body cuz I can't feel it at all... It's terrifying- and a whole lot of grizzly feelings I'm embarrassed to share here. 2 weeks to go till I'm off I don't know how I'm gonna do it.

 

Woofs- thanks for the reply, what threads should I look at? You experience this similar to what I describe? Maybe you can help give me some tips of the distraction. Yes this experience seems beyond the human experience to me like it doesn't even seem humanly possible to feel how I feel and be alive/human/real.. Maybe that's why u can't fathom my existence and often seriously question it- so scary.

 

Clona- thanks so much for your support and reply. I will try top write more it is just hard. I have already been writing just this so long. My brain doesn't work right.

 

Benzogirl- thanks for the reply- so hard to distract I am trying. did you have a similar thing in ct? I tried to message you but it would not let me. I saw you posted I think on someone else's post you have heard other people complain of this full body numbness stuff? You said you had heard someone say they could even cut there tongue in two and not feel it. That's how I am but my whole body inside and out it's just gone and basically feelingless. Maybe you could direct me to posts or ask the member(s) you were talking about if they would like to be in contact with me and give them my name. I never find that many people who know what I talking about:/ I feel very alone.

 

Magrita- thanks for the support and reply, I'll try not to give up hope. I just always feel like I have this symptom the worse and I hate feeling alone like that. It's a bad feeling.

 

Ok thanks y'all for the replies and I hope you see this.

 

Yes, unfortunately, when I did my C/T, I had the same and much more. It was just so fretfully and bizarre that I thought I was some sort of Alien. I don't ever remember feeling that bad in my whole life. Even after major surgery and two broken arms. You can't PM b/c I blocked my system for now. NOBODY can PM me, even the moderators, so don't feel like you are left out. This is a very lonely journey and for many of us, BB has been our savior. Only WE understand what you are going thru, because so many here have had the same problems and some still do. Family and friends just don't understand (including many doctors), so I've long ago tried explaining benzo withdrawal and what to expect. I keep it to myself except for two close friends, BB and my pdoc, because HE understands. Also yes, I was the one who wrote about my friend who is numb inside and out. She was the one that said she could cut her tongue in half and not feel anything. Every day she sends me an email, saying she is convinced that she is insane. It weighs on her so much that she talks about killing herself. This has been going on for months for her. But I think she's turned the corner, as she told me this morning that her back hurt. And she fell a couple of days ago and could not feel it at all. Today, she felt it. She said it was finally good to feel some pain, as they means her sensations are coming back. Now her sensations are returning to her mouth. See, she was in such a bad way and now she is finally getting better. She still has a bit of D/R but says it's doable. So in the end, you somehow manage to get thru it.

 

However, I didn't manage. I C/T off 13 mg of Xanax and Paxil at the same time (not my choice) and I felt so horrible that I had to reinstate. That's why I am here right now. If I managed to stick it out, I would never have found BB and would be back to normal. Just don't be afraid to post anytime you want to. Since we have members all over the world, there is always someone online. I will say a prayer for you tonight, tomorrow and the next day. It can't hurt. If I read on the open forum about member who is going thru the same, I will pass it on. Take care luv, hugs, ~~ Bets

[[Si...]]

Thanks for your reply! this is def part of benzo withdrawl I guess it's relatively common. so your wife knows about dissociation sounds like a smart woman. I hope it is just protective and goes away soon with the withdrawl. When you have these out of body experiences do you feel your body what is it like for you? For me I use to sometimes feel I was in front of, above or behind or lately even backwards to my body... But now lately I just feel numb like I don't have a body at all.

Wow, I'm so glad this is par for the course, and not some prelude to mental insanity or early onset dementia! Earlier this evening I was trying to explain this "detachment" to my wife, trying to put into words how I sometimes feel like I'm having an "out of body" experience... Like my body is a robot or pre-programmed machine while I am above or beside it, watching. She apparently hit the nail on the head when she termed it as "dissociation", and compared it to a form of "cognitive dissonance"- where your mind tries to make sense of a potentially unsafe or unrealistic situation. She said it was a natural defense mechanism for our brains.

[[Si...]]

Thanks for your support,

 

I'm trying hard to distract :/ It's so very hard when I can't even feel I am here in a body. I hate it. When you say you felt like you were wrapped in cotton was it like a creepy crawly feeling? I'm about to make a separate post cuz this has been freaking me out for a couple days that I feel so numb like I can't even feel what my hands or skin touch like can't connect but some how my skin also feels like fuzzy and gross like you describe. And it's freaking me out cuz everything I touch just feels wrong and my clothes are making me feel crawly and uncomfortable this is new and I'm real scared and feel like I'm going insane even my sheets feel alien and weird. I'm so physically numb to it all. When you felt this feeling you say you still felt in your body? I most certainly feel alien but I don't feel I'm inside a body like I'm totally hollow and not in one at all. with my intrusive thoughts they are mostly telling me crazy things are wrong with me and I'll never be better and to kill myself :/

 

HI Siberia,

Distracting takes practice. I was pretty bad at it at first, too. I did some seriously weird things to distract myself....its kind of funny now, but wasn't then. I am one of those people who, when I feel anxious, gets restless and cant sit still. So, my distractions tended to be fairly active around my house. Im still like that, but no longer do such silly things.....well, almost never, anyway.( )

 

When you try to distract, you don't really ever forget. How could you forget?! But it may take even a fraction of your mind off how you feel, and that is a good thing to do.

 

I lived in a bubble of DP back then. Like I was wrapped in layers of cotton batting or gauze, but it didn't feel soft or nice. It felt weird and nasty somehow. I felt like some sort of alien inside my own body.

 

I believe you about the grizzly feelings you don't want to share. I would guess these are "intrusive thoughts' and this is quite common. We get these simply awful, brutal, sick thoughts or pictures in our heads and cannot shake them loose. Then we start to wonder, "Maybe I AM crazy, thinking stuff like this..?" But we aren't crazy. Intrusive thoughts just happen to people in withdrawal. It doesn't mean anything, it does not mean you actually want to DO the things you've pictured. Not at all. There are  different ways to shake these intrusive thoughts off you, if you would like to hear about it.

 

Hopefully, tomorrow will bring you some moments of relief. You could turn a corner at any time, you know.

east

[[Cr...]]

I know this is old, but did your friend who was numb ever get better Bets?

[[Bi...]]

I had it so bad, I would just sit and atare. It felt like I was losing it literally. Like my soul left my body. It'll  pass it time. Most of mine left at 10 months out....