I dont know if this has happened to you.. -

[[Pi...]]

But by 1 year out, after having to endure so much, i lost the will to live.. It makes me sad to write this message, but after all this time i have no more strength to distract and im falling apart.. I dont have pleasure in anything, nothing at all.. All i want is this nightmare to end.. It feels as if im dying inside, ive never gone through anything as worst.. Im running out of options and i dont enjoy living nor doing anything..

 

If it keeps on like this soon i wont have any strength at all.. And the only option will ne to take benzos again and live a life of addiction and greater doses, until i dont know what.. But im seriously and sincerely being true when i say that the little strength i have is running out by the hour.. This is too much pain for me to handle

[[...]]

I feel the same way but we can't go back, we have to tie a knot and hang on. Just give it time. We have to believe! Listen to all the people that didnt give up and they are healed. What would have happened if they reinstated or stopped their withdrawal. They'd still be in hell. Don't do it please! I am exhausted. Purely exhausted!!! Distractions are what keep me going. PM me if you want.

[[ac...]]

I'm too tired HIPP this minefield! lost interest in almost everything. no desire to ever start doing, I feel empty suffering bodily shell ....

[[Te...]]

Yeah, this is the pits. Even though we're not supposed to count tapering as when true healing begins, I still count that time because I do believe that some healing had begun. It was hell, but I got through it because I counted down the days until it was over. But I can't count down the days this other hell will be over with because I have no way of knowing. Even so, I can't go back to taking a benzo pill. It would mean a lifetime of unpredictability because my body would be hijacked by the drug, and my brain wouldn't be mine anymore either. The grass is always greener on the other side, thinking about the initial rapid relief from being on a benzo again, but it can't ever bring true relief.

 

Stick with it, PK. Again, you've come so, so far now. You're already over one year out! That says a lot to those of us who aren't anywhere near you. 

 

 

[[Sl...]]

But by 1 year out, after having to endure so much, i lost the will to live.. It makes me sad to write this message, but after all this time i have no more strength to distract and im falling apart.. I dont have pleasure in anything, nothing at all.. All i want is this nightmare to end.. It feels as if im dying inside, ive never gone through anything as worst.. Im running out of options and i dont enjoy living nor doing anything..

 

If it keeps on like this soon i wont have any strength at all.. And the only option will ne to take benzos again and live a life of addiction and greater doses, until i dont know what.. But im seriously and sincerely being true when i say that the little strength i have is running out by the hour.. This is too much pain for me to handle

 

I've felt that way.

 

Those sentiments/feelings are symptoms of fast brain and cns withdrawal (such as cold turkey or just tapering

way too fast).

 

Your system is gradually trying to regain its ability to make and use the neurotransmitters and other

chemicals the drugs replaced and damaged.  The damage is not permanent, but I know that it sure

feels that way.

 

This is why there are warnings at Dr. Ashton's website about quitting suddenly rather than getting on

a nice slow taper that is slow enough to get these symptoms you're feeling down to near nothing or

at least tolerable.

 

Some successful benzo taperers do reinstate to a dose that makes them feel well, like the medicine

it is supposed to be.  Then, once stabilized, they start a nice slow taper plan;  small cuts and a long

time between cuts.

 

You're going to make it;  you'll find your way and the bad feelings will gradually lift over time. 

 

- Slappy