Crying

[[Mi...]]

For months I couldn't cry at all, and that was very upsetting. Now, I can't seem to STOP crying. I keep thinking about all the pain I caused my kids by the intense anxiety episode I had, then the change in me while I was on the meds, and then the absolute crazy behavior while I was tapering and then afterward when I was off the meds. This is one long nightmare, and the worst of it, is that I took everyone on the ride with me. I know I didn't do it intentionally, but they still all had to go through the pain.

 

I feel like such a horrible person. I feel like such a horrible mother.

[[ea...]]

I think a lot of us have felt this way. Theres something about benzo withdrawal that makes everything look worse than it really is. Right now, you're doing a lot of blaming of yourself, and youre seeing your behavior in the worst possible light. The drug numbed you, and when you were tapering, you were in withdrawal, with mood swings all over the place. Now, all your emotions are sharp, and all those unshed tears are coming out.  Did you try to explain to your kids what was going on? How old are they? Old enough to handle a little reality?

This happened to me, too. I was so numb for so many years, and when emotions started to come back, some of them were very overwhelming. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I, too, was extremely hard on myself. With time, things evened out, but even now I sometimes feel rather overwhelmed.

The person who did those things wasn't the "real you." She was under the influence, and not totally responsible. I hope you can start to accept that, and forgive yourself soon.

east

[Guest [Lu...]]

This is a sign of healing. I'm confident of it. I too, went from unable to cry to 'bereavement' type crying over the smallest things. I'm still doing it, actually.

[[Ch...]]

I cried easily and often during withdrawal.  There were a couple of men who were tapering when I was and were horrified by their own crying jags.  It goes away as you heal.

[[Li...]]

...and that would be me ;  )

Curled up on the floor in the middle of the night on more than once occasion, sobbing. Felt good actually.

Couple of times in my car, welling up of tears, choking it down. Waves of emotion at times.

Does seem to be subsiding a bit, but not through it yet.