Not able to sleep with my spouse

[[Li...]]

Coming up on our 20th wedding anniversary in a couple weeks, and I feel guilty as heck that I'm unable to share the same bed with my spouse. And, it's been about a year (since the tolerance set in) since we've had any kind of regular sleep schedule together. Otherwise, our relationship is solid. Very understanding, we talk often and share intimacy in other ways. Of course, six months ago, I thought my sensitivities and sleep difficulties would have subsided by now, but they haven't. Has anyone else had to work through this 'collateral' symptom in the recovery process? We both yearn for the day things get back to 'normal.'

[[St...]]

Yes, exact same for me.  Even though I am getting better, I still can't sleep well enough to sleep in the same bed as my wife.  I am awake too much of the night and unable to allow her to sleep.

 

I also have a relationship to repair with her.  Sounds like you are better off with that.  I think we will make it but much work to do.

 

I think with the sleep it will get better enough so we can sleep in the same bed.  I hope it's soon!

 

Good luck with your situation.

[[Li...]]

Several weeks ago I wrote myself a list of 5 things I need to do to support my wife as I work through this process. Here it is, see if it helps. I found that it has for me. Despite our discomfort, got to find a way to stay engaged if we can, if it's worth fighting for. The list is just a daily reminder. Make it your own.

 

Better Husband: (you’d think this would flow more naturally, but apparently right not I need to provide myself with instruction on how to get there)

 

1. Tell my wife I lover her at least once a day – in earnest

2. Kiss my wife at least 5 times a day, as she welcomes it

3. Hold my wife for at least 5 minutes a day as she welcomes it

4. Refrain from reacting (acting out) if my ego gets hurt

5. Do simple selfless acts daily to help out. How can I help?

 

Do these things everyday no matter how XXX or detached I might feel given my current state of being. Maybe over time they’ll become habitual. It’s time to reinvent and be more giving to those most important to me – and enhance my relationship with my wife.

 

 

 

[[St...]]

Several weeks ago I wrote myself a list of 5 things I need to do to support my wife as I work through this process. Here it is, see if it helps. I found that it has for me. Despite our discomfort, got to find a way to stay engaged if we can, if it's worth fighting for. The list is just a daily reminder. Make it your own.

 

Better Husband: (you’d think this would flow more naturally, but apparently right not I need to provide myself with instruction on how to get there)

 

1. Tell my wife I lover her at least once a day – in earnest

2. Kiss my wife at least 5 times a day, as she welcomes it

3. Hold my wife for at least 5 minutes a day as she welcomes it

4. Refrain from reacting (acting out) if my ego gets hurt

5. Do simple selfless acts daily to help out. How can I help?

 

Do these things everyday no matter how XXX or detached I might feel given my current state of being. Maybe over time they’ll become habitual. It’s time to reinvent and be more giving to those most important to me – and enhance my relationship with my wife.

 

Awesome.  Thank you.  And just think how much better it will be after w/d is over.

[[ea...]]

What truly nice men you guys are. Your wives are lucky.

east

[[Li...]]

It's been humbling. To think that something so basic (as sleeping with your spouse) can be affected after so many years is just another example of the demoralizing and expansive affect these drugs lord over us. It's nuts. But, I hope once through this process I can approach life with more of a discerning eye for the things that really matter. I like to think this experience will spur me to take action, rather than just continue living as if nothing ever happened. For this insight I'm grateful.

[[mi...]]

My husband and I are dealing with this too The way we are handling it is if he falls asleep first and I am jerking around in the bed awake,  I move to the spare bedroom. If I am asleep and am jerking around in my sleep, he moves to the spare room so he doesn't disturb my already restless sleep. It is really kind of funny because we usually end up playing musical beds all night  So far he is being a pretty good sport about it.

[[kd...]]

Awwe Amore

[[Li...]]

My wife's going to start popping in in the mornings, on weekends. When/if she stirs in the early hours. Figure we might approach it from the back end (morning), rather than start on the evening side. We'll see how this goes. I'm awake generally anyway.

[[Ch...]]

What truly nice men you guys are. Your wives are lucky.

east

 

Yep. 

[[mi...]]

My wife's going to start popping in in the mornings, on weekends. When/if she stirs in the early hours. Figure we might approach it from the back end (morning), rather than start on the evening side. We'll see how this goes. I'm awake generally anyway.

 

Great idea!!!

[[de...]]

Hi,

This must be a common problem....I've been on the sofa for 2 years now. It's so very sad, but my irrational sleeping is just not fare on my Mrs. We tried again not long ago whilst she had time off work...but if it wasn't the insomnia, fidgeting about and just being a nuisance, it was nightmares...shouting out in my sleep or sweating.

So, still on sofa....I try to sneak in about an hour before she gets up for work, just to try and have some kinda normality....but it's not easy, and I'm just so grateful to have an understanding partner

[[gr...]]

We had to buy a day bed and havent slept together in over a year and a half.

[[In...]]

I was on the couch or on one of the kids beds while they took my place next to her. It was sad but she understood. I'd wake up sweating, burning skin, etc.... around 3:30 or 4 AM every single night and couldn't fall back asleep without reading for a couple hours or more. By then it was time to wake up after another 30-60 minutes of sleep. This lasted for at least the first year of w/d.

 

Now at 18 months we once again sleep in the same bed and I only awaken to adjust sleeping position or if kids wake me. Not healed, but sleep is almost back to normal. It will happen for everyone. I think it is important to lie down to sleep each night close to the same time. I also listen to radio to distract and clear my mind instead of all the worrying that you can put on yourself during w/d. Take care!